Ketchup, because that's what you put on a hot dog.
My Nose will be streaming soon.
A seat of minophen.
Because it's the best thing for a hot dog
Their names are Sam and Ella.
Hot, because you can catch a cold.
Self, I so late.
True story, I work in the health industry, get to ask these questions from time to time:
Me: Good morning (of course no matter what time of day it is)! I have 4 questions for you, let’s see if you studied for the test...
Patient: (most of the time, chuckle)
Me: Have you had a fever in the last 48 hours?
Patient: No
Me: Have you had a persistent cough recently?
Patient: No
Me: Have you been tested for COVID-19 recently?
Patient (sometimes): Yes
Me: Do you know the results of the test?
Patient (about 85% of the time): Negative
Me: You don’t know the results of the test? (Straight face behind mask)
Patient: It was negative
Me: (smile and chuckle showing through mask)
Patient: Ohhhh! I get it! (Laughs 95% of the time)
Me: Dad jokes have to happen... 🙂
/insert question #4 here, unrelated to said joke... heh
I naturally told him that the only cure is more cowbell.
(...I laughed. And he did not. Nor did the wife. Sleeping on the couch tonight! ... worth it!)
turns out it was just Saturday Night Fever!
It's dangerous A.S.F.!
It was viral.
If you’re hot blooded, they’ll check it and see.
Turns out he just had Saturday Night Fever.
Allergies In Da House
Mustard
( a patient told me this a few days ago. I'm still laughing about it)
Automatic. Systematic. Hydromatic.
Doctors now confirm that it was only Saturday Night Fever and they assure everyone that he is Staying Alive.
We were all sitting there watching an Animal Planet special on bird migration (not by choice, the remote died), and after a few minutes apparent contemplation dad let this one loose on us.
"Did you hear about the ornithologist whose expedition was cancelled due to a severe snow storm?
I guess you could say things took an arctic tern for the worst!"
I think I may be booking a seat on the soonest ice floe out of this burg just to get away.
Oh no, he's got me doing it! It's spreading - run, save yourselves!
Ill-adviced!
The taste
Dad says, "If you'd had two, you could give me change for a ten!"
Every. Time.
Once upon a time there was a king in the olden times
He loved giving out diktats like
"So shall citizens pay double the tax"
"So shall boys over 18 join the army"
He went to war with China
He won
In the court, they brought a Chinese man
"Your Majesty, he's the best singer in China, but refuses to sing since he is unwell with cough, fever"
The king then gave out a new diktat
"So shall this Tan sing"
And to this day, when it happens..
It watched the news and became convinced it had contracted the coronavirus from it's intended inhabitant, a Chinese woman from Wuhan who had died of the disease.
The casket went to the emergency room at the nearest hospital.
After overcoming her initial shock at diagnosing a casket, the ER doctor ran a blood test and determined the casket definitely did not have the coronavirus.
"But I feel like I'm dying doctor, and I only just came to life. If it isn't the coronavirus what is it?" worriedly asked the casket.
"I'm not sure," answered the doctor, "we'll have to run some more tests."
"But my fever, the pain in my lungs...what could it be? Doctor if you had to give me your best diagnosis right now without the tests, what do you think could be causing these terrible respiratory symptoms?"
The doctor thought for a moment then answered, "SARS cough I guess."
One Sunday morning, he started having a fever, headache and a cold so he decided to go to the hospital to have himself tested. After the test, he talked with the doctor who told him that he tested negative for Coronavirus - it was just Saturday night fever.
I said, "Oh, how'd you get that?"
He was like, "I honestly don't remember, I came home and noticed it."
I put my hand on his forehead and said, "Do you have a fever?"
He said, "Nope, I feel fine."
And I said, "Good ............... it's not a cat scratch then."
He still gets mad about when I bring it up.
The Tecate fever
I’m getting Spring Fever.
He was a little hoarse!
Update: I’m very sad to announce that he has been diagnosed with hay fever. Please send him your best wishes for a speedy recovery.
I said it mush be Neigh-fever
I've been sick with a fever for the last few days.
I was trying to get a drink from a water bottle, but I tilted it up too far and spilled it all over myself. I thought, "Great. Not only am I sick, but now I have a drinking problem."
Turns out it was just saturday night fever
(Taking advantage of a very narrow humour window!)
... but doctors have now confirmed that it was only Saturday Night Fever, and they can now assure everyone that he is Staying Alive.
