Father Son Puns

Before he leaves, the father says, “It’s a bison burger”

Bison

Because am transparent

Son, we are now Europeants!

The law

You must be built backwards because your feet smell and your nose runs.

Dad: Urine big trouble buster

The boy says, "Dad, it isn't what it looks like!"

His father laughs heartily and sits down next to him.

"Boy," he says, "you can watch Twilight once."

"Really? You don't mind?"

"Of course not, but remember if you ever watch it again..."

His smile vanishes in an instant.

"...it's a Pattinson."

The son asks, "why can't we just use a sponge?"

I replied, "Hey, there is a Son Day every week!"

Dad - "this is only an A and B conversation, you can C you way out of here!"

No sun/No son

Son, you've got potential

"You know, if they had a bunch of different fruits from around the universe and made it into a jam they would call it a Space Jam."

I'm so damn proud of him.

“It’s long story,” replies the father.

📷

son: underwater, dad

father: underwater? what do you mean?

son: they're below C level

Today we were eating and my son ate a carrot without using the fork so my wife promptly said: "Don't eat with your fingers..." to which he answered: "I'm eating with my mouth!"

I was soooo happy and my wife had to let it slide...

(We don't speak English so I hope the joke isn't lost in the translation)

EDIT: Thanks for all the upvotes :) This was an unexpected surprise to wake up to. Very happy that it translates in to English so well. Now some clarifications:

1. Yes... the carrots were cooked, we are not psychopaths (in regards to our eating habbits)

2. My son is 10 years old and still living at home

3. We all speak English, just not our native language and not used at the dinner table

You can either be a Quaker, or a Quacker.

Son: how do I catch a fish?

Dad: Easy, just throw this clickbait into the water.

Son: Got it, what’s next?

Dad: What happens next will shock you.

so i know it was finally time. i went to his house and gave him my most treasured gift: my book "1001 Dad Jokes" he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said " thank you so much, im honored" which made me start crying. i responded with the only thing i could say "hi honored im dad"

3-deify

"Look at that kid over there; he's not misbehaving." The son replied, "Maybe he has good parents then!"

And in passing on the paternal torch, when he asked me where I kept all my dad jokes, I told him…they were stored in my dadabase.…

Son: Why did you do that?

Father: So you will not be bored there.

He was a little moron

BUCCAL UP SON!

To pun-ish him

They start to admire the holiday homes that are near the beach

"How heavy do you think this house is?" His son suddenly asks, pointing at one of them.

"I don't think it'll be that heavy," the dad replied, "since it's a lighthouse."

The boy's nervousness builds, but he then asks, "Do you like potato pancakes?"

"No," comes the answer and the silence returns like a suffocating blanket.

"Do you have a brother?"

"No."

After giving it some thought, the boy plays his last card, "If you had a brother, would he like potato pancakes?"

Father: "For 18 years i've watched you grow up to be a great young adult, you have your whole life ahead of you. I'm so proud of Yew."

But I'm a grandfather.

Son: I know Mum already told me. She also said that uncle Mike is the stork.

I said "Thanks! I couldn't have done it without you!"

And that was the final straw.

The dad splits up from the boys in the morning, leaving them the task of getting food for the day.

The boys chance upon a patch full of peas - they have enough for all three meals and to pelt each other with.

Reuniting at the end of the day, the dad asks how it went.

“We played with each other’s peas!” The little one chimes in.

Just a little displeased, dad asks him sternly to clarify.

“We gathered peas, he meant.” Added the middle boy.

“Okay, and what did you have for breakfast?”

“Pea soup.”

“Lunch?”

“Pea soup.”

The boys started sniggering.

“What’s so funny? And what about dinner?”

“Nothing dad. We had pea soup too.”

“Well, that doesn’t seem like much. What did you do all evening?”

Bursting out laughing, they all said:

“Pee soup.”

That he woke screaming two hours before his normal wakeup time, and has resisted all attempts to take his morning nap.

Joke's on you, Dad!

Bison

The son asks: "Dad, can't we just use a sponge?"

Bye son.

Bison

...when he asked me where I kept all my dad jokes, I told him that they were stored in my dadabase.…

Son, We are now Europeants.