My son is growing up so fast!

One day we’re playing with the bathtub alphabet set while I wash him; the next he asks me to get the β€˜F’ out.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/acutb
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2020
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I used to hate fast growing plants

But then it grew on me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xJammy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2020
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What do you call fast growing cane?

Hurricane.

πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Martaen
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2015
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Dad joke about how fast my little brother is growing up.

So I was over at my aunt and uncles house this evening for Christmas Eve dinner, when my Grandma remarked to my Dad just how much my 4 year old brother had grown since she had last seen him.

Grandma: Well how big is he now? He must have grown a foot since I last saw him.

Dad: Nope, he still only has two.

It took everyone a moment to get it, but it eventually clicked.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/aggieboy12
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2013
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I discovered there is a kitchen appliance that can grow marijuana really fast.

Instant Pot.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2020
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Wanna know how to grow weed fast?

Instant Pot.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sTroPkIN
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2020
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They grow up so fast.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/b-retticus
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2018
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They grow up so fast. My son lost his first tooth Saturday night.

He got in a fight with the bouncer at a club.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2019
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Kids grow up so fast

Mine has a mustache coming along and he hasn't even noticed it yet...

It's been growing right under his nose

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PM_me_ur_Pet-pics
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2019
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My hair grows fast because I shampoo it with thyme
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πŸ‘€︎ u/4and1punt
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2019
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Why does parsley grow so fast?

Because it's always in a race against thyme.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigfoothobbit
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2017
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They grow up so fast

http://imgur.com/gallery/rqfpm

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πŸ‘€︎ u/benkol
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2017
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124 dad jokes that will make you laugh and cringe

Dad, did you get a haircut? No I got them all cut.

What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car? Carlos.

Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don’t think they’ll fit me.

Can I watch the TV? Dad: Yes, but don’t turn it on.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like I was just born with mine.

β€œEvery time I hurt myself, even to this day, my dad says, β€˜The good news is..it’ll feel better when it quits hurting.'”

What’s brown and sticky? A stick.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.

β€œI’ll call you later!”- β€œPlease don’t do that. I’ve always asked you to call me Dad!”

Q: Why did the cookie cry? A: Because his father was a wafer so long!

What did the mountain climber name his son? Cliff.

This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in there.

β€œMy dad literally told me this one last week: β€˜Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint.’”

β€œWhenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, β€˜No, just leave it in the carton!’”

I got so angry the other day when I couldn’t find my stress ball.

If I had a dime for every book I’ve ever read, I’d say: β€œWow, that’s coincidental.”

I’m not indecisive. Unless you want me to be.

How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.

How does a penguin build it’s house? Igloos it together.

β€œMe: β€˜Dad, make me a sandwich!’ Dad: β€˜Poof, You’re a sandwich!’”

β€œI heard there was a new store called Moderation. They have everything there

A steak pun is a rare medium well done.

β€œHow can you tell if a ant is a boy or a girl? They’re all girls, otherwise they’d be uncles.”

Milk is also the fastest liquid on earth – its pasteurized before you even see it

β€œWhat’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1”

The only thing worse than having diarrhea is having to spell it.

I asked my friend to help me with a math problem. He said: β€œDon’t worry; this is a piece of cake.” I said: β€œNo, it’s a math problem.”

I keep trying to lose weight, but it keeps finding me.

I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport. I’m just doing it for kicks.

Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head.

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/weeb123xD
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2019
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Just got hired and I'm already *that* employee

Me: (assembling boxes) i'll watch out for that plant.

Boss: yes please do, i've had that fern since it was just a sprout.

Me: awww. they grow up so fast.

Boss: yes. it'll probably start going to college soon.

Me: think it'll go to an... ivy league?

Boss: ...

Me: ...

Boss: ...

Me: ...so yeah I'll just pack these boxes and watch out for the plant.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/winnersbitch
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2014
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Caught my dad off-guard with this one.

My dad was watering a few young fig trees and wondered why some of them weren't growing as fast. I responded with, "I guess it's something you really should FIGure out." A chuckle was had by my dad, which is all that counted.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/INSANESCOTT
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2016
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Whats a citrus fruits favorite color?

orange.

My 10 year old's first dad joke. sniffs They grow up so fast.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RandomPerson696
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2016
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