I guess I'm suffering from 'stalk home' syndrome.
He was absolutely delighted.
Itβs a vicious cycle.
Itβs pane steaking
MOM: Go ο¬nd yourself a hot 23 year old girl and I'll make sure you'll once again have nothing.
Because nature abhors a vacuum
Because he was donating them to chair-ity.
Any time there's an insect in my girlfriend's house she calls me over to handle it, usually to cup it and throw it outside. On this fine occasion I observed what looked like a very small roach (Order: Blattodea), possibly a german roach, the kind that are much less freaky huge but more likely to infest a house. Not wanting to take any chances with a german roach infestation, I immediately smashed the little guy instead of saving him.
My GF asks, "what was it? a roach?"
The body is pretty squished and it's hard to see any identifiable features.
I say, "I'm pretty sure it's a Splattodea"
A warehouse!
Because its a little chili.
I fought the wall, and the wall won."
Dad: "Hey, did you see that blind guys dog?"
Me: "No?"
Dad: "Neither did he!!!"
dad chuckle
Dad: "You know what the shepherds always say! 'Let's get the flock out of here!'"
Every time.
Me: Where's your bin?
Dad: On holiday.
Me: No where's your wheelie bin?
Dad: I wheelie been on holiday!
"I'll put the kettle on"
"It won't suit you!"
As funny the millionth time as it was the first.
When some people say Fon don't, I say fondue.
Housemate: burps Housemate: Pardon me. Me: You're pardoned.
It's much a reaction now that he regrets saying "pardon me".
"Hey, did I tell you I started a new diet? It's a seafood diet. When I 'SEE food', I eat it! HAH!"
I didn't know you started working for the electric company...
Me: Just popping out Dad, see you later.
Dad: Ok. see you 'ron
Me: ......Whose Ron??"
.....
.....
Dad: Later'on
