Empire Of Mali Puns

With a pair of Caesars.

The kangaroo cause the empire state building can't jump

He should have a good vowel movement. His next diaper change could spell disaster though.

That was the punchline

Making it all the way home and realizing that they forgot one of the containers:

Riceless

Without missing a beat he asks "Daddy, do you know how much room you need to grow Fungi like that?"

I did not know.

So he tells me "as Mushroom as possible!"

So proud.

She was pretty mad when I only picked seven up

Alzheimer, Grandma, it's Alzheimer.

For example

1. I ate my friend's lunch
2. I ate my friend's colon

handshakes

But Patrick is the star.

He said no.

Poetry.

A barberqueue

Curiosity killed the cat :(

A car-pet.

I know he means well.

Edit: Wow. Thanks for the awards, kind Reddit strangers!

She said, "Airplane? What is it?"

"It's a classic spoof film from the 1980s but that's not important right now."

But no one remembers his sister, Onya, who invented the starting pistol.

He yells,” Don’t do it, you have too much potential”

A skele-ton!

The bartender asks what they'd like.

The executive of Miller orders a Miller Lite, so the bartender gives it to him. The executive of Bud orders a Bud Light, and he's given one. The bartender looks at the CEO of Guinness, and he asks for a Coke. The bartender, bewildered, hands him the Coke and asks why he didn't order a Guinness. In reply, he said,

"I figured if those two weren't drinking beer, then neither would I!"

..... oof !!

He’s assembling his cabinet.

I told her to…be patient.

I’m a new dad of a five-month old baby and I was quite proud of this moment.

K9P

..a duel meaning.

Terrible joke, only three stars.

Water. Butane is a lighter fluid

Go post NSFW jokes somewhere else. If I can't tell my kids this joke, then it is not a DAD JOKE.

If you feel it's appropriate to share NSFW jokes with your kids, that's on you. But a real, true dad joke should work for anyone's kid.

Mods... If you exist... Please, stop this madness. Rule #6 should simply not allow NSFW or (wtf) NSFL tags. Also, remember that MINORS browse this subreddit too? Why put that in rule #6, then allow NSFW???

Please consider changing rule #6. I love this sub, but the recent influx of NSFW tagged posts that get all the upvotes, just seem wrong when there are good solid DAD jokes being overlooked because of them.

Thank you,

A Dad.

I said "Yes, dad. If something can go wrong, it will go wrong".

He then asked me if I had heard of Coles Law

"No, dad. What is that one"?

He says, "thinly sliced cabbage".

I am currently in the hospital. I had a back operation yesterday. The surgical nurse came in my room and started asking questions about my back. She asked me if I had any falls during the last year. I responded just one. It was after summer.

She laughed and said in 20 years of doing this she never was told that joke.

Kenya guys give me some help here? Cause there's Norway I can think of some after this?

..why would I want two empty glasses..!?

“thank you for your cervix.”

Because seven was a registered six-offender.

Yousoearly

I told him to keep it up!

Not only was I shocked, I was also aghast, appalled and dismayed.

Actually, they all can. Buildings don't jump at all.

I know he means well.