If you're buying a car for your elephant, make sure it has plenty of trunk space.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theinfinitejaguar
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2019
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I once saw an elephant at the zoo named Trunk

I thought that was a little on the nose.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/arewehavingfun
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2017
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Why can’t two elephants swim at the same time?

They only have a pair of trunks.

-my grandfather, just 5 minutes ago.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheCVisNih
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
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How do you kill a blue elephant? With a blue elephant gun. How do you kill a pink elephant?

Twist its trunk until it turns blue, then shoot it with a blue elephant gun

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chairfairy
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2021
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This is a series of dad jokes that all relate to each other and form a dad joke story so bear with me.

How do you kill a blue elephant? (How?) With a blue elephant gun.

How you you kill a pink elephant? (With a pink elephant gun?) No, you hold its trunk til it turns blue then shoot it with the blue elephant gun

Why do elephants paint their toenails red? (No clue...?) So they can hide in cherry trees

Have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree? (Of course not) Then clearly it works

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kriskidd21
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
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Gerald, a young bull elephant was using the bathroom at his girlfriend's Bethany's apartment when he noticed one of those little pregnancy test things, tucked behind the cupboard...

... he picked it up carefully with his trunk and peered at the little window with a racing heart...

Positive! ... Brenda was pregnant!

OMG... fear, excitement, shock... and yet more worrying "why hasn't she told me?"

A hundred scenarios raced through his head, his ears trembling, his trunk twitching as each played out...

Finally he calmed... maybe she was waiting for the right moment to tell him the news?

He chose to be patient... he watched her carefully the whole day, carefully avoiding anything that might show that he knew... but Bethany gave no hints whatsoever.

Several days went by, and he grew more and more anxious.

Finally, he could take it no longer...

"Bethany..." he said

"It's time we discussed the elephant in the womb".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fractiousrhubarb
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2020
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Elephant response

My four year old granddaughter just came home from the zoo and asked why elephants have trunks. I did not miss a beat and replied they have too much stuff for a suitcase.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/macmanfan
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2020
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Conversation with dad after sending picture of baby elephant:

Me: I know that you love your elephants

Dad: If I could afford to get one.....

Me: Haha. I know you would. They grow up to eat a LOT though

Dad: I can see it now, Mom and I are old, can hardly see, no license. Get out the 'ol elephant and go shopping.😎 Would be plenty of room for groceries and stuff. Elephants have large trunks...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sapiensdux
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2020
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A mouse walks up to a watering hole in the jungle and shouts, "Hippo! You get out of the water!"

The hippo gets out and the mouse says, "Fine, you can get back in!"

He shouts at the elephant, "Hey chubby! Get out the water!"

The elephant gets out and the mouse says, "Ok, you can get back in."

The mouse does this to a gorilla, giraffe and rhino as well.

Finally, the lion snaps and roars, "What's your problem mouse!?"

The mouse says, "I wanted to see which one of you stole my trunks!"

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2019
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What animal is best equipped to go swimming?

Elephants because they always have their trunks with them.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pompzi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2017
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The best joke my dad ever told

My dad is really proud of this one. It's the only joke he's ever told that's been funny enough to make somebody laugh so hard that they spit out of their nose. It was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for this joke, so let me give you some context first:

He's been in a motorcycle accident (hit and run by an illegal immigrant), and had to have most of his vertebrae fused. They use titanium rods to hold your back from bending, so as you can imagine its kind of a major operation. His doctor prescribed a year (or longer if needed) of massage therapy, which he was thankful for. Twice a week he went in to a small clinic for a few hours at a time, and usually had the same masseuse. Let's call her Marge.

After four months of therapy they of course got to know each other very well. He was always faithful to my mother, but he was good friends with Marge. Their conversations range all the way from baseball to differentials, and everything stays platonic.

Here's where the story begins:

During a massage, they are having an energetic conversation, the time comes where he turns onto his back so that she can get to his knee ligaments (chainsawed his kneecap a few years prior, doc said may as well get there too). She goes at it like normal, and the conversation continues. Now here comes the part that made my dad wait to tell me this until recently: The "stimulation" in his knee for some reason, on that day out of all others, triggered a reflexive erection. There was nothing he could do to stop it.

The conversation goes quiet. Marge notices, but doesn't say a word. She remains professional. She continues working. My dad is more embarrassed than he's ever been. Several minutes of silence pass, and my dad cant take it anymore.

"Marge," he says, "I think we need to talk about the elephant in the room."

He raises his head to look down the table at her. He glances at it, then back to her. With a slight shake of his head he says:

"Wait nevermind, it's only his trunk"

πŸ‘︎ 146
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2015
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An elephant was drinking out of a river one day

when he spotted a turtle asleep on a log. So, he ambled on over and kicked it clear across the river.

"What did you do that for?" Asked a passing giraffe.

"Because I recognized it as the same turtle that took a nip out of my trunk 53 years ago."

"Wow, what a memory" commented the giraffe.

"Yes," said the elephant, "turtle recall".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/_-reddit-
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2016
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My dad did this on for Christmas

So my five year old niece got this Elsa doll and said "Elsa belongs in the snow!" My dad heard "Elephants belong in the snow!"

So he asks her about that and she says "No, Elsa!" My brother replies "Elsa looks like an elephant." My niece shouts, "She does not have a trunk!"

So my dad looks at her and says "If she doesn't have a trunk what does she put her clothes in?"

My brother and I laughed but everyone else groaned

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πŸ‘€︎ u/UnclesteezyYT
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2015
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Today at the zoo

>Dad: Why do elephants have trunks?

>Me: I don't know, why?

>Dad: Because they would look strange with a glove box.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DaGeek247
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2014
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A trip to the zoo (recommended I post this here)

So a little boy goes to the Zoo with his mom. They go to the elephant enclosure and the little boy points to the elephant and says "Mom, What's that thing hanging down?" The mom looks and says "Well honey that's his tail." The boy says "No, the other thing.." Mom replies "Well that's his trunk." The boy gets exasperated and says no the thing between the elephant's back legs." The mother get embarrassed and says " oh that...well that's nothing" A little later the boy returns with his father. He turns to his dad and asks "Hey dad, what is that big thing hanging down between the elephant's legs? Mom said it was nothing." The dad smiles and says "Well son, that's because your mom has been spoiled."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Busterdouglas
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2014
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I just became my father today.

My 4 year old daughter - Guess what that elephant was doing the other day? Me: Having a trunk sale?

Gah... The wife couldn't believe how funny I thought I was.

Edited- Phone likes to add words

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πŸ‘€︎ u/detroitgtx
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2014
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Why do elephants paint their toenails red?

To hide in cherry trees.

You ever see an elephant hiding in a cherry tree?

Hide pretty well, don't they?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pfafulous
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2013
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How do you kill a blue elephant?

Shoot it with a blue elephant gun. How do you kill a pink elephant? Squeeze it’s trunk until it turns blue, and then shoot it with a blue elephant gun.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2019
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