Eagle Bird Puns

obviously you can't kill one, but you also can't relocate one from where it's living, cause an eagle nest to come to any harm, and the oddest part, as i'm not sure how they'd even track this, is there's even a bit in the law about infecting them with any communicable diseases?

but i suppose there's really no way around that being ill eagle

It was a millennial falcon.

Unlawful is against the law. Illegal is just a sick bird.

The work of Steven Wright, he's the famous Erudite (comic) scientist who once said: "I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates."

1   - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

2   - Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.

3   - Half the people you know are below average.

4   - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

6   - A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

7   - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

8   - If you want the rainbow, you have got to put up with the rain.

9   - All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.

10 - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

11 - I almost had a psychic girlfriend, ...... But she left me before we met.

12 - OK, so what's the speed of dark?

13 - How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

14 - If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

15 - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

16 - When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

17 - Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

18 - Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.

19 - I intend to live forever... So far, so good.

21 - Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

22 - What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

23 - My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."

24 - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name.

25 - If at first, you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

26 - A conclusion is a place where you got tired of thinking.

27 - Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

28 - The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

29 - To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

30 - The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

31 - The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

32 - The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.

33 - Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.

34 - If at first, you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

35 - If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?

Due to a difference in a pinion, a flock of doves attempted to stage an immediate coo by just winging it. So it wasn't surprising that, after creating an add-hawk unit (which many in the bird community considered fowl play), the eagles' military was just too strong and talonted, and the fledgling, emutional uprising subsequently took a tern for the worst.

We were taking our 4 year old to get a haircut. While looking out his window he saw a hawk flying and my wife asked our son Wife: "Do you think he's going for a hair cut too?" Son: "birds don't need to get haircuts!" Me: "well bald eagles don't."

Eye rolling ensued.

We were driving to dinner when on the highway we see a dead bird.

Her : Was that a dead bird? Me: I think it's a bald eagle.... You know, that's ill-eagle.

She smiled. I was hoping for the groan

Co-worker: I saw a bald eagle in my backyard this morning. It was large but so pretty.

Me: You should consider adding some rogaine to your bird feed.

Co-worker: Why would I add rogaine?

Me: Well you said it was a BALD eagle...

All coworkers: Groan Get Out...Just leave!

Younger Brother: What's an Illegal Formation?

Dad: Its the sick bird formation.

Me: What?

Dad: Ill-eagle Formation!

Me: Oh god.

Unlawful means "against the law" and illegal is a sick bird.