E Plus Puns

The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.

Doughboy was buried in a lightly-greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Cap'n Crunch. The grave site was piled high with flours as long- time friend, Aunt Jemima, delivered the eulogy, describing Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very "smart" cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, he -- even still, as a crusty old man -- was considered a roll model for millions. Toward the end, it was thought he would rise again, but alas, he was no tart.

Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play Dough; two children, John Dough and Jane Dough; plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart.

The funeral was held at 3:50 for about twenty minutes.

I don't know, but the flag is definitely a plus

I'm weighing up the pros and cons of such a big move.

The flag is a big plus.

Plus it's super fun to look around the laundromat and guess who they belong to.

That turned out to be a big plus

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Ten plus Ten equals Twenty.

Eleven plus Eleven equals Twenty Too.

Their cool looking flag is a really big plus, too

It's a big plus!

However, sixteen plus sixteen is thirty too!

I mean, even the flag is a big plus.

I told her “look I’m really sorry. You must be that stripper from my buddy’s bachelor party. This was obviously years ago when I was younger and didn’t care about protection. Plus I was most likely drunk that night which is why I probably never got your number.”

She said “I meant you’re the father of one my students. I’m his teacher.”

Me: Whatcha eating?

Teenage Daughter: Leftovers

Me: But that’s a sub…

Teenage Daughter: <look of confusion>

Me: Wouldn’t that make it Left-unders?

Teenage Daughter: &lt;eye roll PLUS exasperated sigh&gt;

Victory.

The hours were insane, but the hospital signs were a plus.

Well the flag is a huge plus

She said the flag is a big plus…

One evening, three strings are hanging out looking for something to do. They eventually decide to go to the local pub for a beer. Before walking in, one string says, “Wait a moment…I heard that they don’t serve strings here…we better find something else to do”.

“Nonsense!”, says the first string. “Just follow me.”

They walk in and approach the bar. The first string confidently says, “Good evening sir. May I please order three beers for me and my mates?”.

The bartender looks at them dubiously and asks, “Wait a second….aren’t you strings?”.

The strings nod and the bartender says, “We don’t serve your kind here…Get out!”.

The strings dejectedly walk back onto the street, and the second string says, “Hey I’ve got an idea. Follow me”.

They walk back up to the bar and the second string says, “Good evening sir. I’d like to order three beers, plus drinks on the house for everyone!”.

A small cheer goes up among the other bar patrons, and the bartender smiles and turns to fill the order, but then stops. “Wait a minute…aren’t you strings?”, he asks.

Again, they nod and the bartender says, “We don’t serve strings here….Get out, and don’t come back!”.

The strings slink back out once again. At this point, the third string says, “I’ve got it!”.

He flips upside down and rubs his head on the sidewalk until it’s sticking up all willy nilly, and ties himself into a knot. He then strides up to the bar and says, “Bartender! Get me a beer!”.

The bartender looks at him and asks, “Aren’t you a string?”.

The string then stares him straight in the eyes and says, “I’m a frayed knot”.

"No, she said. First of all, guests usually make a side dish. To make a main course might be seen as an imposition. Plus, chicken is a cliche, everyone makes chicken. Come to a potluck, everyone expects to see chicken. It's boring."

I said, "What about beef?"

"No, that would definitely impose on the host's prerogative to choose the entree," she said. "That's too much of an imposition. Also, beef is everywhere these days, so people will naturally expect a beef dish."

"Okay, then, how about we make something with a popular brand of canned spiced ham?"

"Perfect!," she said.

Because no one expects the Spam dish imposition.

Sir Plus

But on the plus side, it still works.

I found the entire experience D grading. I just couldn’t C my way out of it. Even one failed test would have become a B in my bonnet. A plus from my high school experience was that I was allowed to take all my classes pass/fail, so I still walked away with me degree.

Looks pretty ridiculous. Plus, it keeps falling off her forehead.

But I will say their flag is a plus.

I'm not sure, but I've heard the flag is a huge plus.

(Edit: added example of the problem at the bottom of the text)

BLUF: What are good retorts to the, "Hi [name], I'm Dad" classic?

I don't usually dabble in the dark arts of dad joke combat, but it's important to know how to defend yourself, especially on this sub.

My kids have begun to develop a calloused approach to my classic zingers and instead seek vengence, using my own spells against me now.

While I'm very proud of them for getting me with the same "Hi, I'm [name]" joke, there has to be a way to defeat it. Plus I need to remind them, that such power is not theirs to wield.

Dads of Reddit, what should I say back when they get me?

---EXAMPLE (True story)---

Me: No, we'll play that tomorrow. It's too late and I'm really tired right now.

Child: Hi really tired right now, I'm [name]

Me: Stunned yet proud silence <-- fix this

I don't know, but the flag is a big plus! 🇨🇭

I don't know, but their flag is a huge plus.

I don't know, but the flag is a big plus

I don't know either, but the flag is a big plus.

I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.

I don't know but the flag is a big plus

I don't know, but the flag is a big plus."

Well, the flag is a big plus!

I don't know, but the flag is a big plus! 🇨🇭

Well the flag is a big plus.

It's a big plus.

But the flag is a big plus

Well...the flag's a big plus.

Sixteen plus Sixteen is thirty too..

The flag is a big plus

Their flag is a big plus.

Not sure, but the flag is a big plus

I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.

I don’t know but the flag is a big plus.

I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.

The flag is a big plus.

But the flag is a big plus

Well, the flag is a big plus.