I was moving my DVD player, and now I have a sore back.

I think I slipped a disk.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wimpykidfan37
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2021
🚨︎ report
Put up a shelf today, and I’m keeping it solely for all of my Disney movies on DVD.

Let’s see how it holds up.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/salvedavus
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2021
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Did you hear that the Air Force just bought a bunch of copies of The Little Mermaid on DVD?

They must be preparing for an Ariel assault.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrunkenRedittor
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
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The new Lion King movie dvd release date is only a week away.

A week away. A week away. A week away. A week away. A week away. A week away.

Wee e e e e e e e e a week away

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BoomerB3
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2019
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πŸ‘︎ 105
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πŸ‘€︎ u/layover_guy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2016
🚨︎ report
I love horror movies. I considering bringing along a DVD while I traveled the world.

But then I knew that'd be taking It too far.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sup-mr-stark
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2020
🚨︎ report
As we were watching a DVD, I asked my son, "Do you know Emma Watson's full name?" He shook his head and I continued...

Emmamentary Mydear Watson!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Every time I get turned on a dvd appears in my underwear

Turns out I have erectile disc function

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hgliluetlardb
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2020
🚨︎ report
For sale: George Foreman grill and a Muhammad Ali dvd.

Both boxed

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pmak13
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife accidentally referred to the DVD player as a VCR...

She followed it up with, "Boy, I really am dating myself, aren't I?"

My reply: "Well, nobody else will."

I may not be allowed to sleep in my own bed tonight, but it was worth it.

πŸ‘︎ 53
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kortalh
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2013
🚨︎ report
Years ago my dad and I built a small shelf for the DVD player...

... totally from scratch. Bought the wood, cut it down to size, screwed it all together. So my dad's friend, also a dad, came and looked and said "That's a nice little do-it-yourshelf project."

πŸ‘︎ 62
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BitiumRibbon
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2013
🚨︎ report
This man really loves his tractors

So there was a man who really loved his tractors. All of his life were about tractors. He had posters, DVD's and owned a lot of tractors. This man loved his tractors.

But there was one thing he loved more than his tractors. It was his lovely wife. One day, she was out on the fields and got crushed by a tractor. The man tried to save her but with no luck. She was killed by a tractor.

This man, despite his love of tractors, he got rid of everything. The posters he burns. The DVD's he throws them in the bin. The tractors he sells.

It takes him a while but he finally gets over his wife and he goes on a date with a new woman.

So they are in this fancy restaurant and they enjoy their food. But all of the sudden a lot of smoke comes out of the kitchen. It spreads through the entire restaurant. Everyone panics and no one can get fresh air, so they run out.

The man says: "calm down, I got this". He sucks all of the smoke in, runs outside and blows it all out. He has cleared all of the smoke in the restaurant. He comes back in and continues his meal. His date is surprised and impressed and says: "How did you do that?". Then he answers:

I am an extractor fan

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LANGEw0w
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2022
🚨︎ report
It's seedy bread, you can't have seedy bread.

What about DVD bread?

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ToedInnerWhole
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2021
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This story is about a man called Trevor, and his obsession with tractors.

Trevor loved tractors. And I mean, really loved tractors. Forget any obsessions or high-level interests you may have, chances are they pale in the face of Trevor’s love for tractors.

Every day Trevor would get up, in his tractor-themed bedroom in his tractor-themed house, with its tractor-themed wallpaper and tractor-themed carpets, and he would make his bed with its tractor-themed duvet and tractor-themed sheets. He would go downstairs in his tractor-themed pajamas into his tractor-themed kitchen, with its tractor-themed tiles and cupboards, and he would eat his breakfast while perusing the latest tractor-themed magazine or annual.

Trevors’s degree in Agricultural Engineering hung on his living room wall, along with a copy of his thesis, which centred around (you guessed it) tractors. The living room was decorated with all sorts of tractor-related trinkets, including die-cast models, paintings and drawings.

The hedges in Trevor’s front garden were trimmed in the shape of tractors. His lawn was vividly decorated with tractor-driving garden gnomes, and his garden furniture was constructed from various parts from vintage tractor designs.

Trevor just had one thing missing from his otherwise tractor-centric life; he had never actually owned, nor driven, a real tractor.

Not for his lack of trying, of course. Trevor had been to many tractor shows over the years, and visited many farms with friends of his, but none of the tractors he had seen had ever been quite right. Trevor was so knowledgeable about tractors that every single one he had come across had possessed some hidden trait that he wasn’t keen on. His first experience of driving a real tractor had to be perfect.

One day, Trevor was flicking through one of his favourite publications, Powertrain Quarterly, when there was a knock at the door. Trevor answered, and it was his friend and fellow tractor enthusiast, Jeff.

Trevor welcomed Jeff in, and over tea and crumpets served on tractor-themed crockery, they discussed the merits of aluminium drawbars and front-end loaders. Eventually Trevor pressed Jeff to explain the reason for his visit.

β€œWell” said Jeff, β€œAs I’m sure you know the convention comes to town later”.

The convention. Trevor had been thinking of little else the past three weeks. The neighbouring town annually threw a convention for farmers, particularly farmyard machinery. There would be combine harvesters, lawnmowers, and of course, tractors.

β€œYes of course” replied Trevor

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShredderSte
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
🚨︎ report
According to official NASA documents they have Aliens on the ISS.

They also have Alien, Alien 3 and Alien Resurrection - all on DVD.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Imaginator127
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Groundhog Day

Not completely sure this is a dadjoke but it sure got the same reaction. This happened about two years ago.

My wife used to work nights and on Friday and Saturday after she went to work, my then-12yo son and I would often watch a movie together. Sometimes he picked, usually it was a movie from The List, movies I liked when I was his age, things that shaped my sense of humor. I want him to be able to recognize the stupid quotes and references I throw at him. It’s his cultural education.

So we settled in for Groundhog Day. I’m a sucker for time travel shenanigans. Finished it up, he enjoyed it, and the next morning he was off to Boy Scout camp for a week.

He came back, we’re all excited to see him, and I tell him I got Groundhog Day 2 from Netflix. Threw it in the DVD player and we got about 20 minutes into before he looked at me and said β€œthis is just Groundhog Day all over again, isn’t it? There is no Groundhog Day 2.”

So worth an extra week hanging onto the disc.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shellexyz
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Dad-joked my own Father while we were driving home.

My Dad and I were watching "Iron Man" on his truck's DVD player while he was driving me home. It cuts to a scene where someone was driving an Audi.

Dad: Ooh, that's a nice car.

Me: Meh, I don't like it.

Dad: You don't like the Audi?

Me: Nope.

Dad: Get out.

Me: You want me to get Audi your car?

Dad: ΰ² _ΰ² 

The groan he emitted was magnificent.

Edit: Individuals seem to be upset about him occasionally watching while he was driving. I apologize if this offends anyone. I talked to him, and he says he will make sure to only watch when he is stopped/parked. I will make sure he does so. Thank you for the concern!

πŸ‘︎ 785
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TaylorAlexis
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2015
🚨︎ report
My financial advisor just told me, β€œI’m sorry to say, but all of your assets are Frozen.”

..”Why did you buy so many DVDs of the same movie?”

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Divorce lawyer: I’m sorry to say, but all of your husband’s assets are Frozen.

Wife: How?

Lawyer: I’m not sure, but he has 2000 DVDs of the movie for some reason.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Rick Astley once called me to borrow all my Pixar DVDs..

I told him "You can have DVDs for Cars, Monsters Inc, Finding Nemo but I am never gonna give you UP!"

πŸ‘︎ 72
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aabesh
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2018
🚨︎ report
Dad - Hey, do you want to come over for a movie? I have already invited 17 people.

Me- Sure, but why so many people? Dad- The DVD says it is only for 18+ viewers.

πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tyagi_devansh
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2019
🚨︎ report
124 dad jokes that will make you laugh and cringe

Dad, did you get a haircut? No I got them all cut.

What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car? Carlos.

Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don’t think they’ll fit me.

Can I watch the TV? Dad: Yes, but don’t turn it on.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like I was just born with mine.

β€œEvery time I hurt myself, even to this day, my dad says, β€˜The good news is..it’ll feel better when it quits hurting.'”

What’s brown and sticky? A stick.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.

β€œI’ll call you later!”- β€œPlease don’t do that. I’ve always asked you to call me Dad!”

Q: Why did the cookie cry? A: Because his father was a wafer so long!

What did the mountain climber name his son? Cliff.

This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in there.

β€œMy dad literally told me this one last week: β€˜Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint.’”

β€œWhenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, β€˜No, just leave it in the carton!’”

I got so angry the other day when I couldn’t find my stress ball.

If I had a dime for every book I’ve ever read, I’d say: β€œWow, that’s coincidental.”

I’m not indecisive. Unless you want me to be.

How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.

How does a penguin build it’s house? Igloos it together.

β€œMe: β€˜Dad, make me a sandwich!’ Dad: β€˜Poof, You’re a sandwich!’”

β€œI heard there was a new store called Moderation. They have everything there

A steak pun is a rare medium well done.

β€œHow can you tell if a ant is a boy or a girl? They’re all girls, otherwise they’d be uncles.”

Milk is also the fastest liquid on earth – its pasteurized before you even see it

β€œWhat’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1”

The only thing worse than having diarrhea is having to spell it.

I asked my friend to help me with a math problem. He said: β€œDon’t worry; this is a piece of cake.” I said: β€œNo, it’s a math problem.”

I keep trying to lose weight, but it keeps finding me.

I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport. I’m just doing it for kicks.

Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head.

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/weeb123xD
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife told me that if I got her one more idiotic gift she would burn it.

So I got her the night before Christmas DVD box set...I kinda wanted an extra copy for my mom

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πŸ‘€︎ u/irieball
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2018
🚨︎ report
I lost it the other day.

Until I finally found the dvd under my couch

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Puns for Kids

The funniest and shortest puns for kids, you always remember while teaching children puns, try to choose the short ones because they are easy for them to remember and register.

Puns for Kids

Why are teddy bears never hungry? They are always stuffed!


What do you get when you cross a snake and a pie? A pie-thon!


Where do polar bears vote? The North Poll.


What did the judge say when the skunk walked into the court room? Odor in the court!


Two silkworms had a race. They ended up in a tie.


Why are fish so smart? Because they live in schools.


The streets in the capital of Afghanistan are paved with Kabulstones.


How does a lion greet the other animals in the field? Pleased to eat you.


What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn? An egg roll!


No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery.


Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove he wasn’t chicken!


What musical is about a train conductor? β€œMy Fare, Lady”.


A man drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.


What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.


What animals are on legal documents? Seals!


Why did the lion spit out the clown? Because he tasted funny!


Why did the bumble bee leave the house? It heard the school was having a spelling bee.


Being struck by lightning is really a shocking experience!


How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans!


Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!


Dockyard: A physician’s garden.


What did the angry mother say to the boiling pot of spaghetti? Simmer down!


The lights were too bright at the Chinese restaurant so the manager decided to dim sum.


β€œWhat’s purple and 5000 miles long?” β€œOoh! I know! The Grape Wall of China!”


Every calendar’s days are numbered.


This duck walks into a bar and orders a beer. β€œFour bucks,” says the bartender. β€œPut it on my bill.”


I used to be twins. My mother has a picture of me when I was two.


What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? Ouch!


When does a well-dressed lion look like a weed? When he’s a dandelion (dandy lion).


Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a-salted.


A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2017
🚨︎ report
My dad at his finest

In Fry Electronics and this guy starts telling my dad about how he should look at some product and he goes "That's AMAZING! One day, they'll put movies on discs or something, just think of the possibilities" the guy goes "DUDE! THEY HAVE THOSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" rushes him over to the dvd section.

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/clouderold
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2014
🚨︎ report
Christmas Wrapping is the Best

Background Info: We are grabbing the presents from around the house that we hid from my sister-in-law's kids, when I pulled off a funny dad joke (to me it was funny)

Sis: Wait, where is the Frozen DVD you bought?

Me(Dad): I put it Elsa-where.

She didn't even laugh, she just stared at me and waited for me to leave.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bloodagger217
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2014
🚨︎ report
Dad joked on family movie night

this was years ago, I had forgotten until it came up in conversation today. when Finding Nemo came out on DVD most of us hadn't seen it, and my oldest sister was home from her first year in college. my mom gets all excited to have a Disney movie night for old time's sake and makes a big deal about it.

so we all get settled with popcorn and all, and the movie begins. if you haven't seen it, the first scene is a bit tragic... to refresh people's memory, a barracuda attacks the soon-to-be parents and eats the mom and unhatched eggs. this is probably less than 5 minutes into the movie.

it's dead quiet in the house as Marlin swims around yelling for his mate and looking in the now empty spot where their eggs were hidden. He sees the lone surviving egg on the ocean floor and swims to it. honoring his deceased mate's wishes, he names his only child "Nemo"

instantly my dad stands up, turns off the TV and says "Ha! I found him! that was fun." and walks away.

tl;dr: my dad beat the whole family in a game of "Finding Nemo"

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cjswitz
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2014
🚨︎ report
Rush Hour Traffic

We were in the car and had mentioned how the last time we drove through Toronto it was during rush hour.

Sister: "What time does rush hour usually start?"

Dad: "Whenever you put in the DVD and press play."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/walkingcarpet23
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2014
🚨︎ report
So, my family and I were out running errands today.

While at WalMart, we were picking up some new bedding, and on the way out, I insisted that we buy a copy of Spaceballs from the DVD bin.

They asked, "Why do you want that?" I replied, "For sheets and giggles."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/anonomy_oh_my
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2015
🚨︎ report
Happened A Few Weeks Ago

GF and I walk into CEX (Used DVD/Game Store)

GF wants to buy the Rent movie

Cashier asks if she wants a protection plan

Ask him if that's like renter's insurance

Dead eyes from both of them

Cashier says, what are you, a dad?

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RAAM_n_Noodles
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2015
🚨︎ report
He's got ice in his veins

My little sister told him that she wants to get her friend the Frozen DVD... To which he responded "Why would you get her a frozen DVD? A thawed DVD would work much better".

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/drummernv
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2014
🚨︎ report
Girlfriend's dad "The power is out..."

"So I'm watching a DVD on the tv" http://imgur.com/TmvHgaz

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/london680
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2014
🚨︎ report
Got my girlfriend tonight ...

As we were lookong for the year that Harold and Kumar go to White Castle was made on the dvd case ..

Her: I can't find it, its not on the case.

Me: well then, I guess that means its Timeless.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/taterr_salad
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2015
🚨︎ report

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