Ducks don’t get up. They get down.
A quackcident
One says to the other. How do we drive this thing
“You have an outstanding bill!”
The duck was selling quack
and orders a drink, then a little while after he finished that drink he ordered another and he accidentally drops the glass containing the drink and he says to the waitress put it on my bill, so the waitress begins to grab the glass shards that were on the ground and carefully placed them on the ducks bill and the duck asks what are you doing and the waitress says I’m putting it on your bill and the duck sarcastically says ohhhh you really quack me up and the waitress says oh I'm sorry did I ruffle your feathers.
I guess that's what I get for buying a pure bread dog.
It was abduckted.
Hope this quacked you up.
He finishes his drink and asks for his check.
Duck billed platypus.
This duck came in and I swear he was on quack
Ducks will always quack under interrogation.
They were angry that I used fowl language
To cover his butt quack
How a does duck get high?
On quack
He said "That sounded like a duck!"
I told him "That's because I have a butt quack"
Apparently he's a quackhead.
I tried to bail him out, they wouldn't let me. Said he was a flight risk.
So my fiancée came home from work earlier this week, clearly upset. I asked what was wrong and she went on to tell me about how she accidentally ran over a duck.
In an attempt to comfort her, my compassionate and empathetic self responds with, "well I guess it's safe to say the duck suffered from a quacked skull huh?"
She was not amused.
Two farmers, Ben and Dave, are discussing their produce. Ben mentions that there has been a strange recent demand in duck eggs, and is going to begin producing them. Dave replies that he tried to produce them long ago, but had to stop due to issues with their delivery.
"What issues?" Asks Ben, with a confused expression on his face.
"They caused way too much mess in the delivery truck," Dave explains, "You'll find out soon enough, duck eggs quack really easily."
But it DOES seal quacks in ducks
How did the duck fail to rob a bank? It couldn't quack the safe!
My dad tried this joke on me many years ago - here's how it should've gone:
Dad: I'm going to a duck do tomorrow.
Me: What's a duck do?
Dad: Quack quack.
But unfortunately, I wasn't very good at playing along, so here's how it actually went:
Dad: I'm going to a duck do tomorrow.
Me: Can I come?
My wife bought some duck eggs at the farmers market the other day. I told make sure you don't drop them or they might quack open.
How can I be sure I bought a real duck? It kinda looks like a quack to me.
Fixing quacks in your ducks.
Me: I wonder where the papa duck is.
BF: He's left the family due to his quack addiction
He sells quack and duckweed on the duck web
Apparently he's all ducked up on quack
My family and I attended a dinner this evening with my sister's housemates and all of their families - the first time everyone was meeting. As we all browse the menu someone makes the comment that that they didn't like the duck at this restaurant and my father immediately had to chime in.
Dad: You're completely right, it's not all its quacked up to be.
Thanks Dad.
Mum: I'm not a huge fan of duck eggs.
Me: Yeah, I think they're quite hard to quack.
Groans from everywhere
I’m going to be a duck for holloween I need some duck puns please help
To cover their butt quacks.
To cover up his butt-quack!
