After all these years, my wife still thinks Iโ€™m sexy.

Every time I walk by she says, โ€œWhat an Ass.โ€

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/weiderman316
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 10 2019
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What has two butts and kills people?

An assassin

๐Ÿ‘︎ 16k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/LeCrowing
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 10 2018
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If I ever own a ranch in my old age

I'm definitely gonna call it "Pasture Prime"

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Jshrad
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 16 2016
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What's another name for a frozen burrito?

A Burrrrito.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 1k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Supermanc2135
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 05 2016
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"Save those jokes for the baby, honey..."

My wife and I are sitting at the dinner table, talking about our soon-to-be-born baby. She is telling me how much the baby is kicking. I said "The baby is kicking like a donkey - or is it a mule?" My wife agrees.

I say (completely straight-faced) "What is a mule's favorite novel?" My wife is stumped. "Donkey-jote."

She sits there for a couple of seconds, and says "Do me a favor: just save all those kinds of jokes for when the baby is born..."

๐Ÿ‘︎ 203
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Fudgebert
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 08 2013
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I used to call my dad a donkey...

Ok so when I was about 11 I went through a phase when I was nearly ok with swearing or calling my parents names but still not mentally capable of swearing in front of my parents so I would call my dad a "donkey" whenever he was being a dick. After a while of calling him a donkey he would then respond with this every time I called him it....

"EEEEEEEOOWAYS CALLS ME THAT!"

He would then laugh for about 5 minutes at his own shitty joke. Pissed me off so much that I refuse to say the word donkey around him at all.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/BazzaDazza
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 11 2014
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I'm playing Bottom in A Midsummer Night's Dream

Anyone unfamiliar with the story: I'm the one who gets my head transformed into a donkey. My joke is so stupidly simple, I just walk up to a fellow cast mate and go

"I'm sorry... For being such an ass."

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/StillFreeAudioTwo
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 30 2014
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