Why did a man name his dogs Rolex and Timex?

Because they were Watch Dogs.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/D3V1L420
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 03 2021
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Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

(credit: Groucho Marx)

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/4-8Newday
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 08 2020
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A man walks into a zoo. The only animal in the entire zoo is a dog.

....

It was a shitzu.

EDIT: For those who say it's "stolen", i had no idea. A friend of mine told me this one yesterday and i just had to post it. That's it :)

πŸ‘οΈŽ 16k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/gomass4
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 06 2020
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What’s the difference between a well dressed man and a tired out dog?

One wears a suit and the other just pants.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 18
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Mister_Aitch
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 12 2020
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A man goes into a library and asks for a book about Pavlov's dogs and Schrodinger's cat.

The librarian says, "It rings a bell, but I don't know whether it's there or not."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 440
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 16 2020
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Dog Man don't like tuna

But Katmandu

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/barbetto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 01 2020
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What did the man say to the rabid dog in the street?

stray away

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Hitman07435
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 13 2020
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A blind man walks into a store with his seeing eye dog, bends down as if to pet it, then picks it up by the tail and begins spinning it over his head. It created quite the ruckus, so an employee ran over and asked the man if he needed help.

"No thanks, just looking around."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/notagoodspelller
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 16 2020
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What did the man do when he saw a hot dog?

He put it in the shade.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/YoIAmWeird
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 26 2020
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I told my wife that a dog is a mans best friend

"Shame you don't have any friends" she said

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/karma-enigma
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 19 2020
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A blind man walks into a bar with his guide dog.

Then he starts spinning his leashed dog around himself. The bartender asks him what the Hell is he doing, and the blind man goes:

"Just looking around..."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 15
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Alexasha05
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 03 2020
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A man is walking his dogs and another guy asks β€œexcuse me are they Jack Russels?”

The owner quickly replies, β€œNo, they’re mine!”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/dandan_56
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 16 2020
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What did the Chinese man love to do with his dog?

Take it for a wok.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/The_Frickin_GotG
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 05 2020
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A man brings his Rottweiler into the vet. β€œMy dog is cross-eyed is there anything you can do for him?”

β€œWell,” the vet says, β€œLet’s have a look at him.” The vet picks up the dog and looks into his eyes. After a few second the he says, β€œI’m afraid I’m going to have to put him down.”

The shocked owner replies, β€œwhat?! Because he’s cross-eyed?!”

β€œNo, because he’s heavy.”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 461
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/blueholeload
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 26 2019
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A three-legged dog walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I’m looking for the man who shot my paw."
πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ruchi565
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 19 2019
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Was walking my dogs the other day and some man asked me, β€œare those Jack Russells?”

I said, β€œNo, they’re mine”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ur-da
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 07 2019
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One day a man asked a dog. How do you communicate with other dogs?

The dog barked

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Exe123deadstart
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 11 2019
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A man went to buy a dog and asked the shopkeeper how loyal it was

He said, "I sold him 6 times and he came back to me"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/AdityaPlayZ
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 18 2019
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When the old man gives a dog a bone...
πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/jonthethan
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 19 2019
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Bouncer: "Sorry, pal, no pets allowed." Man: "This is my Seeing-Eye dog." Bouncer: "A Chihuahua?"

Man: "A Chihuahua? They gave me a freaking Chihuahua?"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 01 2019
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A police officer told me that my dog was chasing a man on a bicycle. I told him that’s impossible.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 23
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/mrbelvedere2017
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 22 2018
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My dad and I were walking down the street when we passed a man walking 4 dogs.

He turned to me and said, β€œWhoa! How blind was that guy?”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 26
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 30 2018
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Earlier today a man broke into and released all the dogs from a dogs home

Police are desperately looking for leads.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 31
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/spitfire5890
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 27 2018
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A jogger sees a man in the park throwing his dog's toy in the trash. He stops and asks the man why he's doing this. The man says, "The ball has a picture of a dog printed on it." The jogger, still confused, asks what's wrong with that?

The man replies, "Something about it feels wrong, dude. It just feels like CanineBallism."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/blackcatjazz
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 25 2018
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Why did the man hate Hot Dogs?

Because they are the wurst

πŸ‘οΈŽ 35
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Thegod999
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 28 2017
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This man approached me in the park. He said, 'Have you seen my dog anywhere?'

Who on earth calls their dog Anywhere?

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 25 2018
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If you want to prove that dog is truly mans best friend

Lock up your dog and wife in the boot of your car for an hour and see who's happiest to see you when you let them out

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/jezreel62
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 15 2018
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A man walks into a zoo. It only has one dog

Is a shitzhu

πŸ‘οΈŽ 19
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/pepethetoad69
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 07 2020
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Outside of a dog, a man’s best friend is a book.

Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/02K30C1
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 08 2020
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A man walks into a zoo and the only animal there is a dog.

It's a shitzu

πŸ‘οΈŽ 49
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/allthegods
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 06 2020
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A man walked into a zoo but the only animal they had was a dog.

It was a shitzu

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Jtrad_24
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 29 2020
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Why did the man name his dogs Rolex, and Timex?

Because they were watch dogs.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 20
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/No_Hard_Feelings_
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 17 2020
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What does a dog do, that a man steps into?

Pants.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/jDubbaYo
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 28 2020
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Outside of a dog a book is mans best friend

Inside a dog it’s too dark to read.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 26
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/nukesup
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 21 2019
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A man walks into a zoo. The only animal in the entire zoo is a dog.

It's a shitzu.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Twano
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 15 2017
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A man walks into a zoo and the only animal there is a dog,

It's a shitzhu

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/amamam77
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 28 2019
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A man goes to a zoo, but the only animal in the entire zoo is a dog.

It was a shih tzu.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Pringlepowder
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 28 2016
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A three-legged dog walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I’m looking for the man who shot my paw."
πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ruchi565
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 10 2019
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A man went to the zoo today and all they had was a dog.

It was a shitzu.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 365
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/beermeblazer25
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 07 2018
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Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/pllarsen
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 05 2019
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Why did the man name his dogs Rolex and Timex?

Because they were watch dogs

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/KxngJoker
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 23 2019
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A man walks into a zoo and there is only one animal in the entire zoo, a dog.

It was a shitzu!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 195
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Trtlman
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 12 2018
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A man walks into a zoo. The only animal in the entire zoo is a dog

It’s a Shitzu

πŸ‘οΈŽ 50
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TrippinSky
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 09 2018
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A man walks into a zoo. There is only one animal in there, and it is a dog.

It was a shitzu

πŸ‘οΈŽ 21
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Hot-d0g-Water
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 03 2018
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A man walks into a zoo. The only animal in the zoo is a dog..

It’s a shitzu.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 27
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/m4cl3nn4n
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 05 2018
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A man went to a zoo. All they had to exhibit was a dog.

It was a shih tzu.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/_Martys_
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 24 2018
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