Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's much too dark to read.
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︎ Mar 10 2021
Why are dogs man's best friend?
They stay by your side when things get Ruff-Ruff.
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︎ Feb 06 2021
I was visiting my blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were.
She responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.Β
I said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?'Β
'HELLLOOOOOOO......,' she answered, βThey're watch dogs'!
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︎ Nov 20 2020
Wanted a unique name for our new pet dog and asked a friend for ideas. His answer?
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︎ Jan 18 2021
I was out walking the dogs today, and a friend asked me if they were Jack Russells ?
Nah...they're mine, I said.
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︎ Sep 01 2020
My friend is annoyed because his dog keeps trying to pick fights with dogs five times his size.
I told him he shouldnβt have adopted that Cocky Spaniel.
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︎ Oct 02 2020
A friend of mine claims he can throw a stick 5 miles and his pet dog will retrieve it.
I think that's a bit far fetched.
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︎ Jun 09 2020
My obese friend was proud as she heaped a pickle topping all over her hot dog...
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︎ Sep 05 2020
My friend said that stray dogs have no masters.
I agreed and added that they don't even have associates.
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︎ May 20 2020
My friend named his loud dog Forrest
Because he has a lot of bark!
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︎ Jun 12 2020
My friend has a lot of dogs, so he started a zoo.
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︎ May 12 2020
I told my wife that a dog is a mans best friend
"Shame you don't have any friends" she said
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︎ Apr 19 2020
My friend got chased by a dog while in Australia
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︎ Nov 03 2019
My friend makes garb out of dog skin for scientists to wear when experimenting!
They are popular lab coats.
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︎ Dec 09 2019
A friend of mineβs dog died...
So I got her an identical one. She was livid and said, βwhat am I going to do with 2 dead dogs?β
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︎ May 05 2019
My comedian friend just got a dog,
I think he said its a chihuahaha
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︎ Mar 19 2019
My friends dog Duncan went to the vet to get neutered the other day...
His nickname went from Duncan Donuts to Duncan Nonuts.
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︎ May 10 2019
My southern friend has loud dogs, I found it funny when he said..
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︎ Feb 13 2019
My friend bought a dog from a blacksmith
As soon as he got it home, it made a bolt for the door
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︎ Aug 04 2018
I'm scared of my friend's large dog.
I fear I am in Great Dane-ger.
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︎ Jun 13 2017
My friend just told me that he makes thousands of dollars selling dog poop.
I said, βThatβs gross.β
He said, βNo. Thatβs net.β
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︎ Feb 24 2019
I asked my friend, βHow are you dealing with your dog with no legs?β
He said, βItβs no walk in the park.β
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︎ Aug 06 2018
My friend was telling me a story about how his dog ran 5 miles to get his ball.
I told him thatβs a little far fetched.
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︎ Feb 02 2019
Adam is my best friend; he's like a loyal dog..
He always sticks around, even when life's rough rough
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︎ Aug 07 2018
All my friends won't believe me when I say to be careful near my dog.
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︎ Apr 30 2018
My friend bought 2 hot dogs from 7/11 and put a ton of chili on it...
After about 20 minutes of not eating one, my other friend asks him "Isn't it getting cold?". I said "Don't you mean it's getting chili?"
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︎ Feb 14 2016
Walking with my friend and her two dogs when they both decide to poop.
She said "I guess they're pooping in solidarity," to which I replied "better that then liquidarity."
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︎ Apr 07 2017
My blind friend Miles was telling me his service dog just spoke to him the other day....
...."I can see for Miles."
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︎ Jul 18 2017
A friend said their elderly dog keeps on farting
I told them, "It sounds like you need to invest in a mutt plug."
They just shook their head and said that I'm not right.
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︎ Nov 04 2016
One friend's dog's ears stand up. Another friend's dog's ears don't. It's sad...
he has ear-ectile dysfunction!
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︎ Oct 29 2016
My SO and I were just discussing how our friends named their new dog Mariota or Yoda for short and he said, "I can't see that name sticking for too long...it sounds forced." Ba dum tssss.
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︎ Aug 02 2016
Got my friends dog
My friends dog got a cut somehow and when he told me about it, I said, "so he got a... lassieration?"
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︎ Dec 19 2016
Saw a friend at a 4th party with her dog, hilarity ensued
She was holding a small female Shitzu and my friend wanted a picture with her and her dog, I snapped the pic and my friend says "I got my picture taken with two beautiful women" to which she replied "Oh my dog is only 4 months old" Without hesitation my buddy says "Well I guess the makes me a PET ophile then" Many LOLs were had, Ive had to listen to him tell this story 50 times since hehehe
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︎ Jul 07 2014
Over at a friend's house yesterday and her dad warned me that their dog is deaf...
"Yeah, so just keep an eye out for him, otherwise you might step in a poodle."
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︎ Jan 11 2015
My friend is a dog walker
My friend texted me one day and said:
"I was walking the dogs on the trail and I was wondering if anything interesting was going to happen. Then a Girl walked onto the trail with her horse. She was walking her horse in a bra."
To which I messaged back saying:
"That is awesome! How did she get the horse in a bra?"
I could feel him groan through the next 10 text messages.
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︎ Jun 15 2014
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
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︎ Dec 08 2020
Outside of a dog, a manβs best friend is a book.
Inside of a dog, itβs too dark to read.
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︎ Jun 08 2020
Outside of a dog a book is mans best friend
Inside a dog itβs too dark to read.
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︎ Dec 21 2019
Outside of a dog, a book is manβs best friend. Inside of a dog, itβs too dark to read.
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︎ Oct 05 2019
Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
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︎ Oct 22 2017
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