Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.

Inside of a dog, it's much too dark to read.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/antiviolins
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2021
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Why are dogs man's best friend?

They stay by your side when things get Ruff-Ruff.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rhshi14
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2021
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I was visiting my blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were.

She responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.Β  I said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?'Β  'HELLLOOOOOOO......,' she answered, β€œThey're watch dogs'!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nandos677
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
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Wanted a unique name for our new pet dog and asked a friend for ideas. His answer?

Gonnit

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πŸ‘€︎ u/majintb
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2021
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I was out walking the dogs today, and a friend asked me if they were Jack Russells ?

Nah...they're mine, I said.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
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My friend is annoyed because his dog keeps trying to pick fights with dogs five times his size.

I told him he shouldn’t have adopted that Cocky Spaniel.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OmegaLiquidX
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
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A friend of mine claims he can throw a stick 5 miles and his pet dog will retrieve it.

I think that's a bit far fetched.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2020
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My obese friend was proud as she heaped a pickle topping all over her hot dog...

She relished it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
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My friend said that stray dogs have no masters.

I agreed and added that they don't even have associates.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Coolmcq
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2020
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My friend named his loud dog Forrest

Because he has a lot of bark!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/coberh
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2020
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My friend has a lot of dogs, so he started a zoo.

It was a Shih Tzu

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πŸ‘€︎ u/King_Sparky_
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2020
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I told my wife that a dog is a mans best friend

"Shame you don't have any friends" she said

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πŸ‘€︎ u/karma-enigma
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2020
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My friend got chased by a dog while in Australia

It dingo well

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RealComradeMeep
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2019
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My friend makes garb out of dog skin for scientists to wear when experimenting!

They are popular lab coats.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2019
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A friend of mine’s dog died...

So I got her an identical one. She was livid and said, β€œwhat am I going to do with 2 dead dogs?”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/a_norris864
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2019
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My comedian friend just got a dog,

I think he said its a chihuahaha

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πŸ‘€︎ u/echtav
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2019
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My friends dog Duncan went to the vet to get neutered the other day...

His nickname went from Duncan Donuts to Duncan Nonuts.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OriginalDoTa
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2019
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My southern friend has loud dogs, I found it funny when he said..

Hush-puppies

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2019
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My friend bought a dog from a blacksmith

As soon as he got it home, it made a bolt for the door

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πŸ‘€︎ u/internetjan
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2018
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I'm scared of my friend's large dog.

I fear I am in Great Dane-ger.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Adog311
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2017
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My friend just told me that he makes thousands of dollars selling dog poop.

I said, β€œThat’s gross.”

He said, β€œNo. That’s net.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2019
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I asked my friend, β€œHow are you dealing with your dog with no legs?”

He said, β€œIt’s no walk in the park.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2018
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My friend was telling me a story about how his dog ran 5 miles to get his ball.

I told him that’s a little far fetched.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/meade2113
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2019
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Adam is my best friend; he's like a loyal dog..

He always sticks around, even when life's rough rough

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πŸ‘€︎ u/music_snobbbb
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2018
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All my friends won't believe me when I say to be careful near my dog.

It really bites.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/supergamer422
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2018
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My friend bought 2 hot dogs from 7/11 and put a ton of chili on it...

After about 20 minutes of not eating one, my other friend asks him "Isn't it getting cold?". I said "Don't you mean it's getting chili?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AgniloOfAstora19
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2016
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Walking with my friend and her two dogs when they both decide to poop.

She said "I guess they're pooping in solidarity," to which I replied "better that then liquidarity."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zacrilege
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2017
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My blind friend Miles was telling me his service dog just spoke to him the other day....

...."I can see for Miles."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SoDakZak
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2017
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A friend said their elderly dog keeps on farting

I told them, "It sounds like you need to invest in a mutt plug."

They just shook their head and said that I'm not right.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cleanleper
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2016
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One friend's dog's ears stand up. Another friend's dog's ears don't. It's sad...

he has ear-ectile dysfunction!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/drkhead
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2016
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My SO and I were just discussing how our friends named their new dog Mariota or Yoda for short and he said, "I can't see that name sticking for too long...it sounds forced." Ba dum tssss.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lydell
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2016
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Got my friends dog

My friends dog got a cut somehow and when he told me about it, I said, "so he got a... lassieration?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VikingFashion
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2016
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Saw a friend at a 4th party with her dog, hilarity ensued

She was holding a small female Shitzu and my friend wanted a picture with her and her dog, I snapped the pic and my friend says "I got my picture taken with two beautiful women" to which she replied "Oh my dog is only 4 months old" Without hesitation my buddy says "Well I guess the makes me a PET ophile then" Many LOLs were had, Ive had to listen to him tell this story 50 times since hehehe

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Payador
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2014
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Over at a friend's house yesterday and her dad warned me that their dog is deaf...

"Yeah, so just keep an eye out for him, otherwise you might step in a poodle."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WattersonBill
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2015
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My friend is a dog walker

My friend texted me one day and said:

"I was walking the dogs on the trail and I was wondering if anything interesting was going to happen. Then a Girl walked onto the trail with her horse. She was walking her horse in a bra."

To which I messaged back saying: "That is awesome! How did she get the horse in a bra?"

I could feel him groan through the next 10 text messages.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Axeofdeath
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2014
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Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

(credit: Groucho Marx)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/4-8Newday
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
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Outside of a dog, a man’s best friend is a book.

Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/02K30C1
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2020
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Outside of a dog a book is mans best friend

Inside a dog it’s too dark to read.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nukesup
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2019
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Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pllarsen
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2019
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Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend.

Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sharltocopes
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2017
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