My 6 year old told me this one today. Why do dogs carry bones in their mouths?

Because they don't have pockets.

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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/kristhebrown
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Mar 14 2021
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How can dogs tell a real bone from a fake one?

They just gnaw it.

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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Gingi0
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Apr 29 2021
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What do you call a dog who digs for bones?

A Bark-aeologist

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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/kickypie
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 29 2020
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What do you call a dog that likes to dig up bones?

A barkeologist

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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/ahmeda97
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Mar 26 2019
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My dog has a song she likes for rawhide bones.

Gnaw, gnaw, gnaw, gnaw

Gnaw, gnaw, gnaw, gnaw

Hey, hey, hey.

Goodbye.

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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/urbanek2525
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Oct 08 2019
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I took my dog's bone away from him...

He was fur-rious

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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Olwek
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 03 2019
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When the old man gives a dog a bone...
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/jonthethan
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Apr 19 2019
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Dogs can't see your bones.

But catscan.

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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Quadruplebacon
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jun 03 2019
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What bone does a dog not eat?

A trombone.

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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Marekatrek
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jun 11 2017
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"There are just too many bits in this bed." Wife holds up a piece of a dog bone.

Me "that one is too big to be a 'bit.' It needs a new category... How about eight bits equal a bite."

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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/drawsprocket
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 15 2017
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What did the scientist dog do with his bones?

Barium

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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/burner714
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Aug 31 2016
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What do you call the boss at Old McDonald's Farm ?

The CIEIO

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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/HellsJuggernaut
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Aug 27 2020
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My wife and I are having a competition to see who can steal the most dog related stuff from our local petshop.

I've just taken the lead.

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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/TheDemeisen
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 12 2016
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A lost dog strays into the jungle one day. From a distance, a lion sees this and thinks to himself, "Hmmm, this guy looks edible, I've never seen his kind before."

So the lion starts running towards the dog with menace but the dog notices this and starts to panic.

As he's about to run he sees some bones on the ground next to him, gets an idea and says loudly, "Mmm... That was some good lion meat!"

The lion screeches to a halt and says, "Woah! This guy seems tougher then he looks, I better leave while I can" and then runs away.

Over in a tree, is a monkey who sees everything and realizes the he can benefit from this situation by telling the lion what happened and getting something in return.

So the monkey finds the lion and tells him what really happened.

The lion says to the monkey angrily, "Get on my back, we'll get him together".

So the monkey climbs on the lion's back and they start rushing back to the dog.

The dog sees them, realizes what has happened and starts to panic even more.

But then he gets another idea and shouts, "Where is that monkey!?! I told him to bring me another lion an hour ago!"

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 147
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ May 05 2019
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What did the puppy say to the Skelton?

Throw a dog a bone

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Cynrui
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Feb 24 2019
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Halloween Puns

Why couldnโ€™t the witch have children? Her husband had a hallow weenie.


Which ghost is the best dancer? The Boogie Man!


Friend: What are you gonna be for halloween? Me: Drunk!


For Halloween Iโ€™m going to write โ€œLifeโ€ on a plain white T-shirt and hand out lemons to strangers


This Halloween, the only Candy Iโ€™m interersted in swings from a pole and has daddy issues


โ€œHalloweenโ€ = an excuse for girls to dress up like sluts.


Thank goodness for Halloween, all of a sudden, cobwebs in my house are decorations!


Iโ€™ll be your trick if youโ€™ll be my treat.


How do Rednecks celebrate Halloween? Pump kin!


When do ghouls and goblins cook their victims? On Fry Day


Whatโ€™s a monsters favorite desert? I-Scream!


What do you call a Halloween boner? Petrified wood


What do you call a dancing ghost? Polka-haunt-us


What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A โ€œhollow-weenie!โ€


Did you hear about the wild party at the haunted house? The whole vibe was anything ghost (goes).


How do you write a book about halloween? With a ghostwriter.



Iโ€™m going to celebrate Halloween the same way I always doโ€ฆ by murdering a bunch of teens by the lake. Sincerely,


Two monsters went to a Halloween party. Suddenly one said to the other, โ€œA lady just rolled her eyes at me. What should I do?โ€ The other monster replied, โ€œBe a gentleman and roll them back to her.


The lesson of Halloween is that pretending to be something youโ€™re not will lead to a sweet reward.


I remember when Halloween was the scariest night of the year. Now, itโ€™s Election night.


I want to be something really scary for Halloween this year so Iโ€™m dressing up as a phone battery at 2%.


Why dident the skeleten go to the halloween party? Becuse he had no body to go with.


What did the bird say on Halloween? Trick or tweet!


What do Italianโ€™s eat on Halloween? Fettucinni Afraid-o (Ha ha ha)


Why canโ€™t the boy ghost have babies? A. Because he has a Hallo-weenie.


What do goblins and ghosts drink when theyโ€™re hot and thirsty on Halloween? A. Ghoul-aid!!!


What do ghosts eat for supper? Spooketi


What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house? Hope itโ€™s Halloween!!


What is the most important subject a witch learns in school? Spelling.

... keep reading on reddit โžก

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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Punsville
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ May 27 2017
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Daughter made us proud today

The dog chewed one end off of a bone shaped squeaky toy. She put it on her finger and said, "Look, my finger is really bony!" Guess we're doing the parenting thing right!

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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/ylaena_chance
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Apr 02 2017
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My dads a butcher

Customer- "Do you sell dog bones?"

Dad- "No, we aren't allowed to cut up dogs"

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 10
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/gomer1234
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Aug 24 2015
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Cheat sheet for Dads on Halloween

What is a Vampire favorite fruit?

  • Neckterines

What kind of dogs do Vampires like best?

  • Blood hounds

How does a ghost cry?

  • Boo Hoo

What does a skeleton always say before he eats?

  • Bone Appetite

What kind of key should you always take to a haunted house?

  • Skeleton Key

Why do Vampires need mouthwash?

  • Because they have bat breath

What kinds of street do Zombies like?

  • Dead ends.

What do you get when you cross a vampire with a snowman?

  • Frost Bite

What did the black cat call the mouse on roller skates?

  • Meals on wheels

What does a vampire never at a restaurant?

  • A stake sandwich

What is it like to be kissed by a vampire?

  • It's a pain in the neck.

Why did the witch stand in front of the podium?

  • To give a Screech

What does a ghosts have for dessert?

  • I-Scream

What is a skeletons favorite instrument?

  • A trombone

What kind of dog does a mad scientist have?

  • A Lab

Be honest, how many did you get? What is your dad score?

EDIT: can't get spoiler tags to work...

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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Gnolaum
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Oct 31 2014
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Cold Water

A man goes to visit his elderly father. Before eating breakfast, the son notices the dishes are dirty. The father says "that's the best cold water can do." Later that day, he notices, before lunch, that the dishes are again dirty. The father says "that's the best cold water can do." After dinner, again on dirty plates, there are a few bones. The father whistles out the back door: "A dog comes in, "Here's your snack Cold Water"

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 8
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Kobemamba24
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Aug 28 2013
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Ole Mother Hubbard

I was laying in bed with my lady, teasing her some and she says
'No I don't like that'
"I was just playing with you"
'That's not the kind of playing I want right now'
"Well that drawer next to you (with all our sex toys ect.) is still closed"
'No I don' want to do any of that tonight'
"Just some good old fashioned penis and vagina old mother hubbard sex?"
'yes'
"well at least you're giving the dog a bone"
facepalms and sighs ensued ;)

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 2
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/slm_87
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Oct 06 2014
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What do you call a dog who digs for bones?

A Bark-aeologist.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 42
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/BigSpermingWhale
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Feb 06 2016
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What bone won't a dog eat?

A trom-bone.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/NewGenRain
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Apr 26 2014
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