Dad to his son; “Do you want to hear a really good Batman impression!?”
Son; “Go on, then.”
Dad growls; “NOOOOO, NOT THE KRYPTONITE!”
Son; “That’s Superman.”
Dad; “Thanks, I’ve been practicing a lot.”
What do you type into a time machine if you want to go to Christmas?
Present Day.
I haven't tried it, but pretty sure it'll work.
Why do you want to sleep in the woods?
I sat down for dinner at a restaurant, and the waiter asked me, “Do you want to hear today’s special?”
I said, “Yes please.”
Waiter: “No problem sir. Today is special.”
Edit: You guys are way too generous. Thank you.
Do you want to hear a joke about dairy farmers?
Never mind, it’s too cheesy.
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."
Me: Do you want to watch porn or golf?
Wife: Porn. You already know how to golf.
My daughter was having a pretend dinner party with her teddy bear, when she asked, “Do you want anything to eat, Mr. Bear?” In my best bear voice, I replied...
“No thanks, I’m stuffed!"
What do you call German children you don’t want your kids to hang out with?
You know what you should do if you want to really study something?
Do you want to hear a spicy joke?
Do you want to hear a physics joke?
Wait, I forgot watt was it.
Do you want to hear a long joke?
Do you want to hear 2 short jokes and 1 long joke
Joke
Joke
Joooooooooooooooooooke
My 10 year old son said, “Hey Dad, do you know why I want to shoot a hog?”
“So we can have hamburgers!”
He was serious but it still cracked me up.
I went to the store to buy a french loaf and the clerk asked me "how do you want this to be put away?"
Do you want to know where I store all my dad jokes?
This has been a crazy year. After everything that has happened though do you want to know the one thing that I can’t get over ?
Who do you call when you want to get rid of wrinkles
Do you know why I want to perform a song for you?
It would be the “I sing on my cake” day.
Do you want to know a joke about the Chinese government?
Do you want to know what really grinds my gears?
Do you want to know how I got out of Iraq?
Clerk at the DMV: Do you want to be an organ donor?
Me, every single time without fail: Sure, but not right now. I’ve got stuff to do today.
Do you want to hear a joke about maize?
No you don't, it's really corny.
I made up a joke so get ready to hate on me. Trump (I know it's topical).... Trump was nervous during the election and was asked "hey, do you want some spiced tea"?
Him: Do you want to play among us tonight?
Me: Sure, what are you playing?
Do you know why the boy didn't want to become a cheese slicer like his brother?
He wanted to become a grater man
Do you guys want to know what I put in the wooden box I made and threw in the ocean?
Never mind it’s a sea-crate....
(I made this up please don’t murder me)
So why do you want to become a citizen of Switzerland?
I don't have any particular reason why, but the flag definetly is a big plus.
inspired from r/memes
Trump and Pence were preparing to leave the Whitehouse for a big rally. When the helicopter arrived, Trump wasn't ready yet, so Pence asked: "Do you want me to wait for you Mr. President?" ...
"No Mike, you fly on ahead and I'll catch up later".
What do you say when your wife is so envious of your peanut butter obsession she wants to put it on herself in the bedroom?
What do you call it when you want to have the same breakfast every day?
What animal do you want to be when you're cold?
A little 'otter
Joke by my grandpa
What do you call a vehicle that just wants to greet people ?
Have you heard about the new game getting released? It’s AI is 20 years ahead of it’s time, graphics are truly real life, an open world concept where anything you want to do is truly possible. It’s called:
Go outside and ride your bike
Dad: Do you want to hear a joke about ghosts?
(Me): No Dad, I don't.
||
(Dad): That's the spirit.
“Mr. Bond, you are turning old and grey. Do you want to colour your hair?”
Bond: No time to Dye. Dye another day.
What do you call a kid who wants to cannibalise his siblings?
Doctor: Do you want to hear the good news or the bad news?
Patient: Good news please.
Doctor: we're naming a disease after you.
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."
My daughter was having a pretend dinner party with her teddy bear, when she asked, “Do you want anything to eat, Mr. Bear?” In my best bear voice, I replied...
“No thanks, I’m stuffed!"
Do you want to know how I got out of Iraq?
Do you want to hear a pizza joke?
I bet not. Its too cheesy.
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