β€ͺI was studying cellular division when my sibling stepped on my foot

Mitosis!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/allanon101
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2020
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A friend and I were both struggling with division problems. Then we consulted one another and were soon finished.

We concurred and divided.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2019
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There was a lot of division in 2016, so I'm looking forward to 2017. It's going to be prime.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mak11
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2017
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There's a fine line between a numerator and a denominator

Only a fraction of you will understand that

Edit: I see this joke has been quite divisive! Thank you to everyone who made this joke a thousand times better in the comments, you're all amazing, and thank you for the awards!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PhoenixFlamebird
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2020
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I want to Express my daughter's age as a fraction 6/12, 9/12, 16/12 etc.. my wife is really upset about it.

In our house It's really causing some division

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lornstar7
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2020
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You know what’s really odd?

Numbers not divisible by 2.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/techsavior
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2020
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I was told to stop talking about cellular mitosis.

It’s a divisive topic.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Konamicoder
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2020
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I dare you to read this

What tree do you wipe your hands on? A palm tree!

I heard a scary math joke, but I’m 2^^2 to tell it!

Have you heard of that new movie, β€œConstipation”? Well it doesn’t matter, it never came out.

I hurt myself when I went to a theme park in florida. When I went to the doctor, he started wrapping up my left leg, but then I pointed at my right and said β€œNo, doc, it’s dis knee.”

Last night I got mugged by 6 dwarves. Not Happy.

When Queen Elizabeth farts, everyone in the room must pretend like nothing happened. Noble Gasses don’t cause reactions, after all.

What’s the difference between a seal and a sea lion? One electron.

What happens to nitrogen when the sun rises? It becomes Daytrogen!

I called the animal shelter today and said "I've found six kittens in a suitcase in the woods." They said "Are they moving?" I replied "I don't know, but that would explain the suitcase."

Why can’t you trust Atoms? Because they make up everything!

Why do nerds wear glasses? It helps with division.

Why should you tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? You don’t wanna wake the sleeping pills.

What twitches and is found at the bottom of the ocean? A nervous wreck!

What do you call a fat psychic? A four chin teller!

What do you call a 3 foot tall psychic on the run from the law? A small medium at large!

Help, I can’t stop reading books with female protagonists! I’m a heroine addict!

How did Sparticus react when he ate his wife for dinner? He was gladiator!

When does a joke become a dad joke? When the punchline becomes apparent!

19 and 20 got into a fight… 21.

My friend told me, β€œPeople who sell meat are disgusting!” So I said, β€œYeah, well people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer!”

How can turtles take photos of themselves? Shell-fie sticks!

What do you call a secret agent molecule? Bond… ionic bond. β€œTaken, not shared.” What did the dinosaur say to the other dinosaur? (Cut this part, but make a screeching noise)

How much does Santa’s sleigh cost? $0, it’s on the house.

If America switched from pounds to kilograms overnight there would be mass confusion.

I had a splinter once; it eventually got out of hand.

I’m going to go stand outside. If anyone asks, I’m outstanding.

Most people are shocked to find out how terrible an electrician I am!

What do mermaids wash their fins with? Tide What’s the coolest place to use the bathroom? The Lil Jon

Did you know that on average, people want three covers on their bed at all times? But that’s just a blanket statem

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kinjago
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
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My wife was hanging 7 pictures in a row on the wall when I told her should should hang 3 over 4.

It’s created a real division in our home.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nftpc
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2020
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What kind of math do you do with a sword?

Long division.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bentnotbroken96
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2019
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Mathematicians were in charge of the military.

After all, why would they put everyone in divisions?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pun-isher42
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2019
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Got my wife over dinner

My wife and I were having a late dinner after we put my son to bed. She asked me, "Do you know what all prime rib really is?" I replied "A rib divisible only by itself and one?" The eye roll was audible.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FattieMcFatPants
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2018
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The girlfriend got me with this one this morning

Her: "You know what's odd?" Me: "What?" Her: "Numbers not divisible by two!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hugsandbacon
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2016
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My friend is moving to Africa to teach basic math operations to underprivileged kids.

Upvote for divisibility.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2018
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There are some strange things in the world. But you want to what's really odd?

Numbers that aren't divisible by 2.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrJackMeahoff
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2017
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What's a lumberjack's best subject in school?

Log division.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PassesBehindGone
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2018
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Age is but a number...

Today’s my 43rd birthday and I’m sitting st breakfast with my 8 year old. She is learning her multiplication tables and the concept of division.

Me: What numbers divide evenly into 43? Her: I’m not sure? Me: Can 43 be divided by 2?...Is it even? Her: No. Me: Correct! Since 43 is odd, we can say with confidence that it can’t be divided evenly by any even number! Can 43 be divided by 10?...Does it end in 0? Her: No. Me: Well, did you know that 43 can only be evenly divided by 1 and itself. This makes it a prime number. I guess being 43 means that I’m in my prime!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kredmon
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2018
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Conversation between me and my wife

backstory: she works in an specialized autism classroom. And it's thursday.

Her: So, today I taught a kid long division.

Me: uh huh

Her: Yeah, we've been working on it since last tuesday-

Me: That IS long division

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πŸ‘€︎ u/camerawn
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2018
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Danny Brown's latest album was titled Atrocity Exhibition, after a Joy Division song.

The Joy Division song was in turn named after a novel by J. G. Ballard. This makes 'The Atrocity Exhibition' the book the song the album is named after is named after.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedKoiBlueKoi
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2017
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This conversation between my (ex)gf.

Long post is long:

Her: Remember dad's tomato bushes? Well they're attacking! At least one is leaning across the path trying to get at my window... We had the war of the roses, now its time for the attack of the tomatoes!

Me: I don't remember anything about tomato bushes. From one battle to the next.

Her: Yep! Lookout tomatoes here comes the chutney recipe!

Me: I can just imagine a cucumber campaign. Operation onion would be next, which will fail, causing everyone to cry. Dill Day follows, a great success for the allied gardeners. All too soon though, the kamikaze carrots set in, utterly ruining the radish raid. The mushroom maneuver is employed, saving the troops, allowing them to deal the final blow in the asparagus assault!

Her: Don't forget the pumpkins want to supply ground cover with heavy support...

Me: Ah yes, the pumpkin paratroopers.

Her: Thyme is running out...

Me: Prepare the beetroot bombs!!!

Her: Aim for Potato Garden!

Me: Fire the capsicum! Deploy the celery team!

Her: Bring in the egg plant division to support the capsicum!

Me: This is it boys, life or dirt! I want a passionfruit unit to find us a vantage point, and the strawberry unit to surround them!

Her: We had better bring the lettuce up to date!

Me: The cabbage are under withering fire, we need support from the raspberry division! The potatoes are mashed, so well need to send the zucchini in their place!

Her: The zucchini can't take that heavy fire, they'll be grated. Send spinach for some extra iron. The sweet potatoes are digging in at the ridge.

Me: Prepare the watermelon bomb, we need to finish this! The eggplant were squashed, deploy the broccoli brigade! The beans need to get out of there, or they'll be split!

Her: Cauliflowers are going in to retrieve the beans. How brave to risk their florets!

The corn commandos are deployed, but the artichokes are all out of heart, we need to boost morale.

Me: The leeks are down! They'll be flattened if we don't do something!

Are the spinach still operational?

Her: Too bad the pepper isn't on our side, they're well seasoned troops.

Spinach is a go!
Nothing has touched it...

Me: But wait! We still have the chillies to give them heavy fire!

Her: And the squashes and peas!

Me: The ginger is holding it's ground, but it's being cut down by the pineapple!

The basil should make things interesting, send them to aid the potatoes.

**Her:

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zokoro
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2017
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My Algebra joke I popped in class today

Me : Why do I need glasses to do math?

Teacher: Why?

Me: Because it helps with Division

Whole Class: Groan

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lextremelynooby
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2016
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What's a surgeon's favourite type of maths?

Lung division.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/urban287
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2015
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It bothers my ADD

I tell my students to stay in their seats during lessons because my ADD makes me lose focus mid-sentence if they get up.

They ask "Mr El_Guapazo, do you have ADD?"

"Yep, I also have subtraction, division, and multiplication."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/el_guapazo
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2013
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You know what's really odd?

Numbers not divisible by 2.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mch2867
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2019
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You know what is really odd?

Numbers not divisible by 2

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ICEBAC0N
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2018
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You know what's really odd?

Numbers not divisible by two

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FelixDeCat1969
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2017
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You know what's really odd?

Numbers not divisible by 2

That joke was so bad I can't even

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CooledCup
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2018
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You know what I see odd?

Numbers that are not divisible by 2

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πŸ‘€︎ u/moozly
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2019
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Why do Mathematicians wear glasses?

Because it helps with division.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/imnotdrunkok
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2018
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You know what's odd?

Numbers not divisible by 2

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nickphoto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2016
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Do you know what is really odd?

A number not divisible by 2

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Azfar123321
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2018
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You know what's really odd?

numbers not divisible by 2.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/buckeyespud
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2017
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Why do I need my glasses to do math.

For division

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πŸ‘€︎ u/3_1_4_1_5
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2016
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Math teacher dad joke

While talking to us about his glasses: "You know, after straining my eyes on math problems for many years, I had to cave in and buy some glasses because I heard it helps with Division"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thedecoy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2013
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