Maybe Krypton didnt realy blow up...
...And eveyone just wanted their washing machines to live longer
π︎ 2
π
︎ Mar 08 2021
what did the owl say when he didnt know someone
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jan 22 2021
Why didnt the skeleton go to the party?
He had no body to go with.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Sep 04 2020
Why didnt the toilet paper cross the road?
π︎ 6k
π
︎ Jul 25 2019
My son asked me whether Ο was a rational number, even though he knows i didnt go to school...
I mean that's just not rational.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jul 28 2020
Why didnt Captain America lift Thorβs hammer untill he needed to?
He didnβt want to steal his thunder
π︎ 14
π
︎ Jul 29 2020
oh nu he didnt
π︎ 65
π
︎ Feb 25 2020
My daughter said she didnt wanna deal with lice
But i told her we had to take this problem head on
π︎ 4
π
︎ May 06 2020
My cousin got into a car accident and lost his entire left side, he kept saying he was all right but I didnt believe him so he just kept yelling at me.
'Stuff was completely one-sided
π︎ 11
π
︎ Apr 11 2020
What would happen if people didnt have eyes?
We would look funny.
Told this joke to my dad as a kid and he cracked up. I didn't get the joke til the next day when he told me he'd shared it with a coworker and gave me credit for making it up. I had thought he was just humoring me for being a kid and trying to impress my dad. My favorite dad joke, and I still tell it.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jun 14 2020
I'm here to make a serious complaint about my local subway. Generally they do a good job, but I today I did an online order (so I didnt SEE them make anything). I didnt unwrap it in the store to check (because who does that), but when I got home it was absolutely not what I ordered.
π︎ 11
π
︎ Feb 13 2020
Why didnt the moon have any more to eat.
π︎ 12
π
︎ Sep 15 2019
Why didnt they call them SβMOREOS?
π︎ 21
π
︎ May 17 2019
My boss didnt give me a single weekend off this December
π︎ 10
π
︎ Dec 11 2019
Funny how this didnt CROSS my mind until I read this genius pun
π︎ 20
π
︎ Dec 29 2018
I dropped my phone and I was surprised that it didnt hit the floor
turns out it was in airplane mode
π︎ 176
π
︎ Jun 11 2018
Why didnt the moon go outside?
π︎ 3
π
︎ Aug 23 2019
Saw someone driving last night after a snow storm and they didnt brush of their headlightsβ¦.
Let me just say...they weren't too bright.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jan 21 2019
Dad said he was going to bed, found him watching tv later. He said he didnt go to bed.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jul 30 2019
My parents didnt take me serious when i came out
Because i couldnt keep a straight face
π︎ 80
π
︎ Oct 11 2016
I went to an interview yesterday but didnt get the job. They said i wasnt seasoned enough ..
π︎ 11
π
︎ Dec 20 2018
I applied for a job as a doorman. I didnt get it.
I was very surprised, I thought it was an entry level position
π︎ 8
π
︎ Mar 06 2019
Our uni teacher didnt know what a girl in our class looked like so he asked what does alexis look like
I said like a subaru but nicer
π︎ 279
π
︎ Apr 21 2017
i wasn't gonna wear shoes today but i didnt
i guess you could say i got cold feet
π︎ 5
π
︎ Mar 06 2019
At first, i didnt like the thought of facial hair.
I guess it's growing on me.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jun 06 2018
Why didnt the watermelon get married?
Because his wife cantelope
π︎ 3
π
︎ Aug 09 2018
I didnt want to speak to my Mothers sister.
Dad told me to stop being so Auntysocial
π︎ 5
π
︎ Dec 03 2018
Why didnt the pharaos of old tell dadjokes?
π︎ 20
π
︎ Aug 31 2018
Why didnt the sweet pickle get offended?
π︎ 6
π
︎ Mar 02 2018
I didnt know how fast the baseball was going when he threw it.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jul 25 2018
Conversation with my gf. She didnt appreciate it, thought you guys might.
Her: I needed to move to our new team's area
and the seat next to Ben was the only seat open.
I didn't want to ask Richard to move, cause that's weird
Me: Yea that would be a dick move
π︎ 169
π
︎ Apr 13 2016
My teacher didnt give me homework
π︎ 4
π
︎ May 22 2018
I didnt know what to post, so I had to think of something on the fly
π︎ 12
π
︎ Nov 02 2016
My boss just dad joked me, didnt see it coming.
So I'm varnishing a sailboat tiller at work and I just put the second coat on it. I went to my boss and I was like I just put a second coat on the tiller. He looks at me straight faced with no sarcasm in his voice and was like "why was it cold" then just walks off.
π︎ 120
π
︎ Jun 19 2014
For World Book Day, I dressed as a wardrobe. People asked me why I didnt dress as a lion or witch...
I've never seen them feature in the IKEA catalogue.
π︎ 10
π
︎ Mar 02 2017
What did my dad say when I didnt pass him the remote controller?
"Stop that, it isn't even remotely funny"
π︎ 4
π
︎ Feb 04 2017
The dad joke i didnt even get to hear...
I was talking on the phone with my parents and i was discussing my upcoming birthday. as soon as i mentioned this, i accidentally hung up on them. when i called back, my dad said that he continued the conversation with "so what do you want for your birthday" and upon hearing nothing from me because I had hung up he replied "good because thats exactly what we got you".
very funny dad
π︎ 2
π
︎ Dec 06 2015
You know, at first I didnt like getting facial hair.
But it's really growing on me.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Apr 21 2018
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