What's a cop's favorite holiday destination?

Copenhagen

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SiD_-_-_
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2021
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What’s a penguin’s least favorite vacation destination?

Wales.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/branchness
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2021
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I guess you could say I was destined to be a dermatologist.

Hello. I'm Dr. Lance Boyle.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/logansworth
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2021
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My friend studies the science of unspecialized cells that can divide to produce some cells that are destined to become specialized....

He's a stem major.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2021
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I thought Hawaii was a tourist destination...

But all the license plates there were from in state.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BoboHops
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
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From childhood, I knew i was destined to be a bartender

I was always so pour.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Woodyard801
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
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Where is your next travel destination?
  • Las Kitchenas
  • Los Lounges
  • Santa Bedroomes
  • Porto Gardenas
  • Los bed
  • Costa Del Balconia
  • St Bathroom
  • La Rotonda De Sofa
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ALizardKing
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2020
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My cousin is obsessed with Belle Delphine (long)

I’m worried about my cousin. He’s 28 with a good job. Has a lot in common with me (nerdy habits: board games, gaming conventions, anime etc). Unfortunately I have recently learned that he is one of those poor souls obsessed with Belle Delphine. Apparently it started out innocently enough. My cousin is into cosplay. He’s into girls. Ooh, there’s cosplay girls on the internet? What began as a YouTube channel subscription and a few dozen likes on Instagram has progressed into something much more serious. This man is spending money. My cousin’s social media accounts have recently featured pictures of him with his Belle Delphine merch. T-shirts, body pillows, there’s even some kind of bed spread/comforter with her googly-eyed tongue-outy face on it. Did you know that Belle Delphine briefly partnered with Tom’s shoes for a limited edition series of footwear? I knew that, because my cousin won’t shut up about how he bought them all. He’s got at least three jars of dirty bath water and a gaming keyboard with her face on it. It’s really sad. I think the isolation of the pandemic really exacerbated his behavior. He says that he and Belle are destined to be together. For my part, I’m telling him that this isn’t healthy behavior, and I’m encouraging him to seek counseling. I’m convinced he has a mental health issue like Obsessive Love Disorder or Erotomania. Afterall, he does have all of the Simp Toms.

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2021
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Help

I need your help folks!!

Anybody interested in a free ride in a helicopter flight for 4 people? I'm still looking for 2 more people to join us. We leave early Saturday (June 19th) from the Airport and will fly to Destin Fl, where we will have breakfast and then on a yacht for lunch. Then we’ll do a flight along the coast to see the sharks and dolphins,then returning to Joe's Crab shack, for dinner, then fly back home.

If interested please pm me.

Preferably someone with a helicopter and yacht, otherwise we can't go. Serious inquires only!! Thank you!!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gary6043
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2021
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What do you call a fetus who's destined for comedy?

An inside joke

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πŸ‘€︎ u/canyounot--
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2020
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I heard they sent a beer into space, destined to leave the solar system...

Interstella Artois

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JimmyTheMoonlight
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2019
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What is the most popular travel destination for walrus couples?

Tuskany.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nowenluan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2019
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My flight was delayed an hour, but we got to our destination on time.

Our pilot must have been flying.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hknewt
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2019
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It was destined
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kauntest
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2018
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What's the most popular travel destination for dyslexic kids these days ?

Area 15

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tinyroundballs
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2019
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For my final exam in piloting school, they had me fly a shipment of paint to its destination.

I passed with flying colors.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ToroZuzuX
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2019
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My dad at the fair when he was younger... he was destined to be a dad.

After winning a live fish at the fair, my dad and his friends go out for dinner.

Dad: Do you serve fish here?

Waiter: Yes.

Dad: Ok great, (holds up fish) he'll have the steak.

πŸ‘︎ 842
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2014
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What Do German GPS Systems Say When You Reach Your Destination?

Nein Miles Left To Destination

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2019
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This Wednesday, pot is becoming legal here in Canada. For people ranking international travel destinations,

Canada should be high in your list of priorities.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2018
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I recently gave a lecture instructing people how to give directions by violently thrusting their arm towards the intended destination.

It was a PowerPoint presentation.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/procrastiprov
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2018
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Why was the melon sad it couldn't go on a destination honeymoon?

It cantelope

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HermansWerman
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2018
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A man once asked if it was pre-destined for his herbs to secret a white, gooey substance.

The other man replied β€œYour thyme has cum”.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Notla-Wadar
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2018
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I was destined for dad jokes at a young age.

While in basketball during 7th grade, one of my teammates lost one of his contact lenses while going for a layup. Without missing a beat, 7th grade me says, "Wow, I guess this really is a contact sport!" My dad was so proud when I told him about it later.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/evanmcdaddy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2013
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My brother was destined to be dad from age four

When my brother was four years old, my dad told him to go sit on Santa Claus' lap at the church. Santa Claus was actually being played by my second uncle, Mr. Herman. My brother had already heard rumors of this, so when he went to sit on Santa Claus' lap he asked: "Are you Mr. Herman?" Mr. Herman replied: "Baloney!"

My brother went back to my dad and said: "His name is Baloney!"

(My brother is now 39 years old and the proud father of a 19-month-old son)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nubboi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2016
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Mommy tomato, daddy tomato, and baby tomato were all out for a leisurely Sunday stroll

They walked through the flower gardens at the park. They skimmed stones across the lake. They fed the ducks bread.

It was a perfect Sunday.

Then daddy tomato had a call that his brother was in hospital. Across the road was a bus destined for that very place.

They ran back through the park dodging ducks and tripping on stones and getting tangled in foliage. Baby tomato was starting to lag a little. So daddy tomato, in a panic, shot glances at the arriving bus and his helpless offspring. He Ran to his son and with all his might squashed him into the pavement with his Dr Martins boots and said

"Ketchup"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/maccer20
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2021
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What is Reddit's favorite vacation destination?

Victoria Falls

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MattTheProgrammer
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2015
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My friend is destined to be a Dad..

Friend: Yo, JA24, I was thinking of starting a business
Me: Oh really, doing what?
Friend: Airline Pastry catering
Me: ...sounds oddly specific
Friend: Well it's just a pie in the sky at the moment!

He comes out with these all the time, he's destined to embarrass his kids with these one day :P

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JA24
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2013
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It's the pilot's fault.

See a story about a pilot didn't remember his correct destination. Look at my 19 year old son and say "He just plane forgot!"
His eyes rolled like that boulder in Indiana Jones

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jmac0585
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2021
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The worst thing about driving for Uber is all the people talking behind your back
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wellzy33
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2018
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The new MacBook is destined for failure because...

...it has NO FANS!! :-D

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2015
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Dad was destined to be a master of dad jokes even when he was 15.

It was winter and Dad was riding home with a girl right after their first date.

Girl: Man it's FREEZING! Here, feel the steering wheel. Dad (touches it): Your hands did that to the steering wheel?!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dahorn07
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2014
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Sixteen and already destined to be a dad

Bro: Hey, Dothragamel, what happened when someone poops their pants in an elevator? ... Myself:... What? Bro: They take that shit to the next level.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dothragamel
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2014
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My friend is destined to be a dad.

Me: on Wednesday, my ass is going to be in Florida

Friend: where will the rest of your body be?

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2014
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Self discovery...

I'm going on a self discovery journey, trying to find my way and reason... Destination How-why.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/poven100
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2020
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I decided to use a ride-hailing app

I got to my destination uber quickly

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Laura1523
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2020
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Bought a Fleetwood Mac gps

Absolutely useless, everytime I enter a destination it tells me 'You can go your own way'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrcheckpointeh
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2019
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My son was asking my wife for dessert, but he still had dinner left on his plate

Son: I want ice cream!

Wife: if you're hungry, your plate is right here

Son: But we don't eat plates!

He's only four. This kid is destined for greatness.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PMyourself
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2019
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I took a cutting home from the vineyard as a souvenir.

They told me it was destined for grapeness.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/C0ntrol_Group
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2019
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I got a date to prom.

I got a date to prom, so I went home to get ready only to relize that I was late. So I have to run down to the limo rental place. The line there was pretty long and after that, I hade to get flowers & chocolate. The line there was also pretty long. Then after that, I finally went to pick her up, she was pretty upset but forgived me and we arrived at our destination. I then got thirst and thank god there was no Punch Line.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Daxdax_Universe
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2019
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Story time!

A baker and his wife had a child. A lovely, healthy boy. Since the wife was mad about history, she wanted to give the boy a name suitable for a man destined for great things. Jokes were made, names proposed, but in the end the decision was made - they named the boy Attila.

Attila showed great potential from an early age - he excelled at sports, grew strong, but his other capabilities were astonishing as well. He learned and went through encyclopedias like a fire through forests. Surely enough, he was bound to become a great man some day.

Apart from being an exceptional young man, he loved animals as well. He was kind and compassionate, equally cherishing all forms of life. Since his parents loved him so much, they bought him all he ever wanted - but he did not ask for much, he was never greedy.

Growing up, he has received many animals as pets - there were cats, dogs, hamsters and even exotic animals - tarantulas, snakes, scorpions, you name it.

Their home became a sort of an animal sanctuary, and Attila took care of all animals with love and passion. But, the family business was starting to suffer when his father the baker got ill.

Being the amazing young man he was, Attila stepped up and started learning secrets of the trade - he started baking like no one else.

But, since he devoted his time to the bakery, the animals were starting to be neglected. He tried feeding them, petting them, but nothing helped.

Slowly, one by one the animals passed away leaving behind only the most resistant ones - the snake and a few spiders.

The spiders were easy to take care of, but the snake wouldn't eat, no matter what. Saddened, Attila came to his mother and asked for advice as he was all out of ideas. Of course, being the caring mother she always was, she passed on her knowledge to Attila:

"This anaconda don't want none, unless you got buns, Hun."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DeviantClam
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2016
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Talking to a conductor at the train station

Background: Where I live, we have these little plastic cards instead of tickets to get on trains. You load it up with money electronically and then "touch on" at the train station and "touch off" when you get off at your destination. The other day I touched on at the station. Shortly after arriving, the meeting I had been going to got postponed. So I touched off. I wanted to make sure that I hadn't been charged for sitting in the station for five minutes so I went up to the ticketing booth.

Me: Is there anyway for me to check the balance of this online or something?

Conductor: Oh, no need. I can do that for you!

He takes the card, places it on the end of his finger, and holds it up to his eyes.

Conductor: Yep, perfectly balanced!

I think he was surprised by how funny I found this.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChoozeGooze
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2013
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What’s a pencils favorite vacation destination?

Pencilvania!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/streety22
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
🚨︎ report

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