Shame on him for trying to make a quick buck.
No eye-dear.
What do you call a dear with no eyes and legs?
Still no eye-dear.
A man and a woman were on their first date.
βSo, I hear you hunt deer,β the woman said.
The man looked away and turned red.
βWhatβs wrong?β asked the woman.
The man bashfully replied, βIβm not used to someone calling me βdearβ on the first date.β
The old man was cheery and happy while his wife did not share his joy. The old man said; "honey why're you grumpy? It's christmas!" She said; "but deer look! All our crops are dying if this goes on we won't survive the winter. We need a christmas miracle for that." The old man looked outside and said; "Honey, look a christmas miracle!" The old lady got filled with glee and looked outside, and there was santa flying in his sleigh. She said; "But honey was wasn't hoping for santa in his sleigh, I was hoping for rain-dear!"
No i-dear.
Bonus What do you call a deer with no eye and no legs?
Still, no I-dear
Bonus What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs and no dick?
Still no fucking i-dear
"Hey dad?"
"Yes dear?"
"Hey, im not a DEER!"
Caught me off guard so early in the morn. It was quick, and it was glorious. I need to step my game up before i lose my throne....
Man: "Yes!" Reporter: "Name?" Man: "Belly Jons." Reporter: "Sex?" Man: "Three to five times a week." Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?" Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel." Reporter: "Holy cow!" Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general." Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?" Man: "Yes, horse style, dog style, any style." Reporter: "Oh dear!" Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."
Context: Today was helping at practice for a play that my 4th grade daughters class is going to put on. My daughter (Sarah) was playing a tree, and another girl (Mikayla) was playing a Deer. Right now they're all into this weird "dating" phase. So Sarah ran over to me sobbing...
Sarah: Dad, Mikayla kissed my boyfriend. She is already dating Scott and Michael kissed her just now!
Me: Hoe dear, that sounds like a really sticky situation you're in.
I then proceeded to start laughing while failing to control it while my daughter started bawling. The other adults looked at me like I was a demon, and I had to leave the room for a minute to control myself.
Edit: Also I later realized that my daughter doesn't understand what a hoe is and thought I was just laughing at her. Don't worry, I have apologized and bought her ice cream.
Was driving next to a dense forest on the highway, when I spotted a family of deer. Naturally, I slowed down and when I passed them I said, "Hi deer!"then I turned to the ladyfriend and said "Hi dear!"
Got an eye roll and a smile.
I quickly replied with "you know that was fawny" which got me punched in the arm.
Putting up Christmas decorations, when...
Mum: Where do these go?
Dad: On the roof, dear.
Mum: But we don't have a roof deer...
Out for a hike in an urban provincial park in Calgary with my wife, my cousin, and my cousin's husband. We slow down to look at a deer about 5m off the trail. A middle age couple is walking towards us, when:
Woman: Look honey, a deer!
Her husband: Oh dear!
His wife, my wife, and my cousin all groan/eye roll... and me and my cousin's husband have a hearty chuckle, while the man sports a wide grin.
Based on his immediate delivery, and his wife's reaction, I just know this joke's been repeated often, to everyone's delight, as any good dad joke should be.
At around 6:00 yesterday morning my dad was driving me to a thing I had, on our way a deer ran nerve-rackingly close to the car, my dad just said, "oh dear." And for the next few minutes had a little grin on his face.
