UPDATE: Tried calling again today (while off sick from work) and miraculously got through to someone immediately! They said they'd send an engineer round ASAP. By some strange coincidence, not longer than ten minutes later I got a call from one of the executive board, apologising for my situation and saying they would personally expedite sending an engineer out, and compensate me with some free credit! I asked him if he'd read my email and he said yes (so there to all the doubting Thomases who said no one would read my waffle 😉). Engineer has just left and I've wacked the heating on full blast. Thanks to everyone who messaged offering support, I really appreciate it, and I'm glad people had as much fun reading my email as I did writing it ♥
Cc: customer_correspondence@EDFEnergy.com, ComplaintResolution@edfenergy.com
Dear Mr Rossi,
As I write to you, my entire body quivers and trembles, despite being enveloped by a vest, overshirt, pullover and dressing gown, two pairs of socks and an ushanka (traditional Russian fur hat). Despite the cover of this excessive amount of clothing, a faint smell of body odour (my own) permeates my nostrils - a symptom of being unable to sufficiently wash myself for the best part of a week. My icy-cold fingers shake wildly whilst typing, barely making their mark with each keystroke, and with each rattling, laboured breath a small cloud of condensation ephemerally dances in front of my monitor, before fading as fast as the last shred of faith I had in your company.
If I still have your attention (which admittedly is a tall order, given your organisation’s track record for attentiveness to the concerns of your customers) I implore you to read on, as I will describe the series of events that led me to write to you on this bitter December evening.
November 19th, 2021
At around 7pm, I attempted to top up my gas meter with a modest £10 (this date being a week prior to my payday). On inserting the card, the meter’s LCD display read “CALL HELP” and assaulted my ears with a series of loud beeps. The display appeared to indicate a credit of £4.99 - which may or may not have been indicative that I had dipped into the emergency credit - regardless, I called the emergency number stated on the meter’s casing. My call was answered immediately, albeit to little avail -
... keep reading on reddit ➡I made a challenge with myself to fix all the issues I had with MCU Spider-Man now that No Way Home has arrived. This post will contain stuff that could potentially spoil the movie so if you haven't seen it yet, I suggest saving the post for later till you watch the movie.
Civil War:
My biggest gripe with Pete being on Tony's side is how it isn't a proper portrayal of the comics. The comics version of Peter and Tony always had a lousy working relationship. Pete never liked Tony's ideas and even Tony sent villains to go after Pete when he thought he was going behind his back. Their comic history is filled with a lot of enmity towards each other.
So here's my fix for Civil War.
Everything in Civil War plays out the exact same fashion till the part where Tony recruits Peter and the airport scene. When he yells 'Underoos'. Spidey leaps into the scene and steals Steve's shield. However here, he's wearing the homemade onesie. Tony is startled and tells Peter 'Hey kid! What happened to that suit I gave you? Didn't you find it on the plane?' and Peter responds back in an animated manner ' Sorry but there wasn't enough time to get used to it. This looks pretty hot and I'd rather not be here without having my suit fit on just right.'. Stark sneers but then shifts back to Steve.
The rest of Spidey's interaction in Civil War plays out the same. He goes and spars with Steve, Sam, Bucky and others. Steve's team manage to get aboard the plane and fly off. Rest of Civil War happens.
Homecoming:
I liked all the ideas Homecoming used so I don't really have much to change here but I'll be changing a lot of the plot lines revolving around the Tony and Peter relationship for sake of continuity.
We get to see Peter's video blog of going and fighting with the avengers. He asks Tony to say something to the camera in the car on the way back home.
Here's my change for the scene. Instead of Tony telling Aunt May about Peter, he speaks: "So, your son was pretty excited to come along with me for the trip. I was very impressed by his show of talent throughout the trip however I seemed to notice his lack of following orders and I'm very disappointed in how he's managed around. He's a bright boy but with that attitude, it can be very reckless and I don't see any hope for it unless he works on it'.
This sparks the resentment Peter develops for Tony. Peter is confused and tries to reason with him as to why he didn't equip Stark's suit. Tony just turns a deaf ear and say
... keep reading on reddit ➡I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.
Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.
Alot of great jokes get posted here! However just because you have a joke, doesn't mean it's a dad joke.
THIS IS NOT ABOUT NSFW, THIS IS ABOUT LONG JOKES, BLONDE JOKES, SEXUAL JOKES, KNOCK KNOCK JOKES, POLITICAL JOKES, ETC BEING POSTED IN A DAD JOKE SUB
Try telling these sexual jokes that get posted here, to your kid and see how your spouse likes it.. if that goes well, Try telling one of your friends kid about your sex life being like Coca cola, first it was normal, than light and now zero , and see if the parents are OK with you telling their kid the "dad joke"
I'm not even referencing the NSFW, I'm saying Dad jokes are corny, and sometimes painful, not sexual
So check out r/jokes for all types of jokes
r/unclejokes for dirty jokes
r/3amjokes for real weird and alot of OC
r/cleandadjokes If your really sick of seeing not dad jokes in r/dadjokes
Punchline !
Edit: this is not a post about NSFW , This is about jokes, knock knock jokes, blonde jokes, political jokes etc being posted in a dad joke sub
Edit 2: don't touch the thermostat
Do your worst!
How the hell am I suppose to know when it’s raining in Sweden?
Ants don’t even have the concept fathers, let alone a good dad joke. Keep r/ants out of my r/dadjokes.
But no, seriously. I understand rule 7 is great to have intelligent discussion, but sometimes it feels like 1 in 10 posts here is someone getting upset about the jokes on this sub. Let the mods deal with it, they regulate the sub.
They were cooked in Greece.
I'm surprised it hasn't decade.
A bit of a random question, but I'm curious.
This is the PB/5, a piece of Australian design which is rather fine - good for the blind (thanks to the raised arrow guiding you, and the noise it makes), good for the deaf (thanks to a vibrating panel in the middle of the arrow), good for those that aren't deaf (thanks to a noise meter inside the unit which lowers the volume if there isn't traffic noise), and good for everyone really.
In many countries there is a lot of really old roadside infrastructure, but I've never seen a pedestrian crossing button in Australia that isn't this one (a design that dates from 1984).
Do you live near a pedestrian crossing button over a main, public road that doesn't look like this? Have all the old ones been replaced? Or are there some older ones around in Queensland (or elsewhere in Australia)?
Now that I listen to albums, I hardly ever leave the house.
Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?
Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin looks at the other and says "is it just me, or is it hot in here?"
Then the other muffin says "AHH, TALKING MUFFIN!!!"
For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.
I said "hey look, an escaPEA"
No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!
Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂
It really does, I swear!
And now I’m cannelloni
Because she wanted to see the task manager.
And boy are my arms legs.
But that’s comparing apples to oranges
He calls me his masterpiece. 'From Man, the Machine.' That's what the plaque says. I can't see it, but he's told me that's my 'title'. All I can see is the screen and the onlookers on the other side of the glass. Looking at both is still disorienting. I'm not used to my eyes being so far apart and don't reckon I ever will be. Also, I miss blinking. A lot.
His name is Tobias Keinseele. There are two things you need to know about him. One, he's an artist. Two, he's completely fucking insane. You'd recognize him if you saw him straight away, that mirror-surfaced glass eye is hard to miss. Chances are you won't see him though, not unless you're down on your luck.
If you have already heard of him, and are alive to read this, then fuck you. Why? Because it means you're one of the oily leeches on the other side of the glass. One of the ones gawping at me, the ones rich and wealthy enough to know about Tobias Keinseele and his gallery of anatomical defiance. I've recognized dozens of them. So many of the faces I saw in the papers and on TV have seen me too.
I doubt they think of me as a 'me' anymore though, if they ever did see us dregs, drifters, and junkies as people that is. Hell, Tobias' gallery is probably the only time folk like that acknowledge folk like me exist at all.
That's how I met him, you see. I needed money for a fix. The ad in the paper was simple enough. "Artist looking for models with unusual histories, cash-in-hand, address below". Did I question the danger of that vagueness? No. My junk-focused mind only noticed those three little words: cash-in-hand.
It took me nearly an hour walking deep into the sprawling industrial district to find the place. By this point in my addict journey, I was used to walking until my feet bled to get a fix. I was already imagining the prick of the needle and rush of euphoria when my shaking finger pressed on the buzzer of the large, derelict warehouse. Normal people, people that don't wake up in gutters, would have been suspicious of the near-abandoned industrial estate. Folk like yourselves would probably have turned around and looked for safer ways to make some scratch. I'm not… I wasn't, folk like yourselves though. At the time this ominous cube of brick-and-mortar with its boarded windows and distance from the safety of civilization was no different from any building I woke up in.
The voice that answered the intercom also would have made you flee, I bet. Not me though. I'd spent too many decades
... keep reading on reddit ➡Heard they've been doing some shady business.
but then I remembered it was ground this morning.
Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale
Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments
Put it on my bill
They’re on standbi
A play on words.
Calcium, nickel, neon
My daughter, Chewbecca, not so much.
