A list of puns related to "Deaf Blindness"
I think I’ll name her Old Keller.
Stop this senseless fighting
Glad to feel you’re hearing better.
Helen Killer
Melon Keller!
He says: “This shit bumps!”
... ... ......
Driving through St. Augustine and my grandma reads out loud a sign that says "Florida school for the deaf and blind" and my dad promptly replies "yeah, you don't see or hear much about that place"
Your pupils--they dilate.
Says the man wearing orthopedic shoes
A fish in need of serious medical attention
Read lips.
The company I work for was having their annual Christmas party, but this time on Zoom for obvious reasons, and they asked me to host. I panicked as I had no idea how I would keep the crowds' spirits high. So I came to this sub and used a lot of you guys' dad jokes. Being a dad myself I thought it would work out. And it did! Your jokes killed! I just wanted to say a sincere thank you to all the submissions on this sub. The jokes on here are gold.
It was a terrible shock; but really, I should've seen the signs
And a table… and some chairs..
Yeah, neither did she.
That’s not a good sign.
No idear. 🤷
He picked up the hammer and saw.
(my dad told this all the time. I am continuing on with the tradition...)
Frito-Lay?
Told to me by my 92 year old blind and mostly deaf patient who then proceeded to tell me that she had an affair with her property manager 30 years ago.
"Take Beethoven for example, they told him he could not be a musician because he was deaf...but he didn't listen!"
because we can't reach it on our own.
You Frito Lay?
Got told this one by a 98 year old patient of mine who was deaf and almost too blind to see my reaction before laughing at herself.
"I see" said the blind man as he picked up his hammer and saw.
This one always got collective groans.
I said, “Why would I want two empty glasses?”
...but I haven't heard anyone say that in a while.
Edit: You kids have made my day. I'd like to thank all of you for this marvelous chain of dadjokes.
Said the blind man to his deaf son, as he peed into the wind, saying "it's all coming back to me".
It doesn't matter, it can't hear you anyway.
EDIT: Credit to my Economics teacher
One broad day in the middle of the night, 2 dead boys got up to fight! Back-to-back they faced each other, they drew their swords and shot each other. A deaf policeman heard the noise so he came and shot the 2 dead boys, if you don't believe my story is true ask the blind man he saw it too!
Ladies and gentleman, Hoboes and tramps, Cross-eyed beetles, And bow-legged ants. Pull up a seat, And sit on the floor.
I'm going to tell you a story I know nothing about.
One dark day, In the middle of the night. Two dead boys, They stood up to fight.
Back to back They faced each other. Drew their swords, And shot each other. The deaf policeman heard it all, She came to shoot those two dead boys.
Don't believe this lie is true? Go ahead, ask the blind man. He saw it, too.
//Don't know who to credit this, it's a poem my parents taught me at a young age.
Coworker 1: Would you rather be blind or deaf for the rest of your life?
Coworker 2: Deaf, because you can always get cochlear implants.
Me: Oh, so in this scenario we can cheat deaf?
Not really a joke, but my dad would say this poem all the time.
One bright day in the middle of the night Two dead boys got up to fight. Back to back they faced each other, Drew their swords, and shot one another. A deaf policeman heard the noise And came to the rescue of the two dead boys If you don't believe this lie is true, Ask the blind man, he saw it too.
My dad used to say this one a lot:
One bright day in the middle of the night, Two dead boys got up to fight. Back to back they faced each other, Drew their swords and shot each other. The deaf police man heard the noise. He came and killed those two dead boys. And if you don't believe this lie is true, Ask the blind man, he saw too
He'd always recite the classic:
One bright day in the middle of the night/ Two dead boys got up to fight/ Back to back, they faced each other/ Threw their swords and shot each other/ The deaf policeman heard this noise/ Came and shot those two dead boys/ If you don't believe this lie is true/ Ask the blind man, he saw it too!
Not so much a joke but he always got a kick out of it and you knew it was coming in any car ride lasting longer than an hour.
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