I found out that my salary from starring in porn movies was going to David Hasselhoff...

All my hard work was going to pay Hoff.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
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What was David Bowie’s favourite Christmas dessert?

Ziggy pudding

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2019
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David Bowie was gonna be cast in a movie but...

they made some ch-ch-ch-changes.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cerb_the_Narwhal
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2013
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A dad's last dad joke.

My friend's dad passed away earlier this year, but pulled off a spectacular dad joke at his funeral. One of the songs he requested was 'here comes the sun' by the beetles...

...to be played as his son approached the front of the church to deliver his speech.

RIP David.

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2017
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NEW!! Celebrity Fun in the Pun candle line!

Chris Pine - Pine scented

Cocoa Chanel - Hot cocoa scented

Beth Crow-ley - Rain, nighttime, and city streets scented

Tom Holly-and - Holly berry scented

JK Row-ling - Lakes and campfire scented

Miley Cypress - Cypress scented

Bob Moss - Forest and moss scented

Juniper Aniston - Juniper scented

Katy Berry - Mixed berry scented

Britney Spearmint - Spearmint scented

Bread Pitt - Bread scented

Tom Cruise - Ocean, salty, alcohol scented

Aurora - Nighttime, wind, whimsical scented

Nicole Kidman - baby powder scented

Justin Beaver - Wood, nature scented

Elvis Parsley - Parsley scented

Steve Cobs - Corn on the cob scented

Banana Montana - Banana scented

Orange Winfrey - Orange scented

Chris Bat - Nighttime, caves, and bats scented

Zoey Salad-ana - Salad, lettuce, leafy greens, tomato, cheese scented

Dwayne the Rock - Mountains, earthy, fresh, crisp, wind scented Jennifer Joe-pez - Nice hot cup o’ joe scented

Chicken Corbin Blue - Chicken and cheese and ham scented

Robert Brownie Jr. - Brownie scented

Sardine-a Gomez - Sardine scented

Daniel Rad-Clif - Clif bar blueberry flavor scented

Leonardo Di-Carp-rio - Fish scented

Halle Berry - Mixed scented

Demi Tomato - Tomato scented

Kevin Bacon - Bacon scented

Mandy S’more - S’mores scented

Mackerel-more - Fish scented

Broccoli Obama - Broccoli scented

WILL.I.SPAM. - Spam scented

Mark Buffalo Wings - Buffalo wing scented

John Lemon - Lemon scented

Shakiramisu - Tiramisu scented

Egg Sheeran - Eggs scented

Benedict Cucumber Patch - Cucumber scented

Adille - Dill scented

Kevin Spicy - Taco scented

Channing Potatum - Potato scented

Melon DeGeneres - Melon scented

Danny Burrito - Burrito scented

Michaelanjello - Red jello scented

Harry Panini - Panini scented

Snoop Hot Dog - Hot dog scented

Paris Hilton - Paris, city of love, generic love perfume scented

Morgan Whipped Cream-in - Whipped cream scented

Mike Fryson - French fry scented

Henry David Thoreaut Lozenge - Cough drop scented

Raisin Williams - Raisin scented

Robert Frosty - Vanilla ice cream scented

Jeff Onion-blum - Onion ring scented

Tom Skittle-ston - Skittles scented

Ralph Waldo M&Mson - Chocolate scented

Malt Whitman - Malt scented

(Friend and I came up with these on the ride down to Boston for a concert, after the β€œI wonder what Chris Pine smells like?” joke was brought up again from a previous time hanging out. I’m particularly proud of Bob Moss and Zoey Salad-ana.)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Minnara
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2019
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The Wong and White wedding

While in high school, Dana White met and fell in love with David Wong. After a few months the couple decided to get married. Dana insisted on getting married at sunset on the ocean on a yacht. The big day finally arrived and both families joined together to head out for the wedding. The captain of the yacht, checked the weather and saw a storm brewing. He advised the party it was not safe to travel out, but Dana and David both insisted they were going to get married on the ocean at sunset, so everyone loaded up and the boat departed. Sure enough just as the captain was performing the ceremony the storm hit, and the boat capsized killing everyone aboard. The next day the head of the the NTSB, Mr. Perry made this statement. It was a stormy night. So many Wong's and Whites. Neither would change their headstrong ways. The sea was in a rage. The captain turned the page. Their dying wasn't worth what they paid.

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2018
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Good one, dad :(

"Dad am I adopted?"

"No, you're David. Why would anyone name you 'Adopted'? Even if we wanted to, your name was already 'David' when we adopted you"

πŸ‘︎ 149
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Johnsco1
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2016
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Bowl Puns

So I had to pack up a bowl at work today and while i was doing so i annoyed my coworkers with every bowl based pun i could think of

"Hey guys, if we put doritos in here would they have a BOWLder flavor"

"If i lost all my hair would I have gone BOWLD"

"we could fill this with rocks and call this a BOWLder"

"I really like the music of David BOWLie"

"we can slide this at some pins and call it BOWLing"

"what if we were sending this back to BOWLing green Kentucky"

"we can fill it with air and call it a BOWLoon"

"I'm just trying to fit in guys, all i wanna do is BOWLong"

"Of course i think you're telling the truth, i guess you can say I BOWLieve you"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/skatrumpet07
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2016
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One of my students hit me with this today

One of my kids walked up and asked if I wanted to hear a joke, here's how that went.

  • "Mr. tman916x my friend David lost is I.D.! What should we call him?"

  • I don't know, what?

  • "Dave!"

Needless to say I was pretty impressed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tman916x
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2014
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A bunch of musicians decided to have a meal together.

Jonathan Davis brought the corn and Fred Durst made biscuits but they were a little too limp. Marshal Mathers wasn't prepared, so all he could provide was some M&M's. Neil Peart had to leave early because he was in a rush, and the meal was so bad that it disturbed David Draimen.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/masta666
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2014
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History Class Dad Joke

This was from high school before I became a dad, but I think it still qualifies.

My history teacher was lecturing on the Paris Conference following World War I. Specifically, he was discussing each of the world leaders in attendance and each of their aims for the treaty that would result from the conference.

He was going down the line of leaders and asking the class what each leader wanted in the treaty. For example, "Britain was represented by Prime Minister David Lloyd George. What did Mr. George want in the treaty?"

He got through Britain, France, and Italy, then he came to the United States, represented by President Woodrow Wilson.

He asked, "What did Mr. Wilson want?" I responded, "Dennis out of his life once and for all?"

He and I were the only people who laughed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/genericguy4
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2014
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