And then someone commented "They must've thought you were a-Dora-ble.
Dad: I just wanted to.... make my presents felt.
Then he said "Don't spend it all in one place."
Holding up a dry erase board with the number on it in Roman numerals XIX. Someone asked what number it was and he says: "oh whoops, I got it upside down", and he flips it over.
"yes, you can start packing your stuff tommorow"
http://i.imgur.com/HwEYi8q.png
...should have known better
I took my niece and nephews hiking today. In the car, my niece (6) said "I have mommy's ears". To which her brother (12) responded, "No, you have your own."
So I work in a gift shop and a major portioin of our merchandise is dedicated to a large display of stuffed animals of varying sizes. Mostly everyone that comes in spends some time looking at them all but I got a special treat with this family today.
The parents and their two kids come in after supper time to look around. The daughters are looking at all the stuffed animals as the dad comes over. Dad immediately grabs the largest stuffed owl we have and holds it out towards his two daughters and wife and asks "WHOOOOOO is this??"
There was a collective sigh from the shop as the father and I crack up laughing. The best part was the stuffed bird's actual name.
Owliver.
Sister: "Dad, what you want for Christmas?" Dad: "Well, I put a stud finder on my wish list on Amazon. But I dunno, last time I borrowed one to hang a picture, it didn't work." "Why not?" "It kept pointing to me."
I wanted to make my Dad a chainsaw for Christmas, but I'm not sure if we have the saw and I don't want to ruin a perfectly good chain for it.
Can anyone think of another dad joke gift, like a quarter pounder with cheese?
EDIT: I did the quarter-pounder with cheese. I used little rubber bands, (The kind kids make bracelets from) popsicle sticks and a rolled-up piece of sturdy paper. If anybody wants to make it, let me know and I'll go into more detail.
We're at our local Macy's near where they display their watches, and my Dad always loves new ones every year.
One of the employees came up and asked my dad if he needed any help..
My dad replies: "No thank you, we're just watching."
The checkout lady started wrapping the two coffee cups that my friend and his fiancé were buying and said
"Now be careful with these, because I'm not good at wrapping." To which the dad said
"It's easy!" And began beat boxing.
Not technically rapping, but still made me cry.
Me: "I don't know why the owl socks haven't shipped yet. I ordered the cat socks three weeks ago from the same company, and they shipped in two days. If they don't get here by Christmas, I'll have to ship them down to [Sister's] house in Tennessee, after she's left."
Dad: "Oh, I'm sure she won't give a hoot."
Other day my dad is sitting on the couch, I asked him if I could get a candle for christmas. He then responded with "yeah I think I candool that for you"
My dad had some icing from cinnamon rolls on his hand, so when he went to give me my gift (bike), he got some of the icing on it.
Me: "Dad, can you get me a napkin or something to wipe the icing off?"
Dad: "Why? You got a pretty sweet ride!"
.. It can't be returned and only comes with a one year warranty.
Dad - I got a golf ball from the White House lol
Me- Wow the president must have one hell of a swing
http://www.reddit.com/r/buildapc/comments/1tnxio/my_kids_asked_for_a_gaming_computer_for_christmas/
"It's pretty sharp!" was his reply.
Dad: "You know what they call basket holders?"
Me: "...What?"
Dad: "Basket cases!"
This was followed by him laughing hysterically while I stared in disbelief. He asked my to share it on this subreddit when I told him about it.
Me: hey can you sneakily check and see what size shoe mom wears? Dad: shoer
Friday is my boyfriend's birthday. My dad suggested a board game as a gift, and I decided that would be the present when I thought of this. I will be getting him the game "Life" simply because at some point during the night when we're playing it, I'll be able to slip in "I'm glad you're sharing your life with me."
Me: *unwrapping presents"
"Aww cool, it's a 10 foot phone charger!"
Dad: "Do you even have a 10 foot phone?"
> Here is the list of who buys for whom in the gift exchange. > > The rules are: Spend $50, no gift cards. (If you think $50 is too much then make it two $25 gifts.) > > PS: If you want to spend more on me I would understand.
I moved across the country a while ago, so I called my parents to tell them about my Christmas holiday.
> Me: I got some nice kitchen things, including a talking meat thermometer!
> Dad: That's great son, but where are you going to find talking meat?
“I wanted my presents felt.”
