Dachsie rules of acquisition and behavior.
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Once you have their toy, never give it back
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You can't cheat a wary human, but it never hurts to try
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Never work harder for an acquisition than you have to
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Food and belly rubs are the two things that never last long enough
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If you can't break a command, bend it
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Never let family stand in the way of opportunity
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Always keep your ears open
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Keep count of your toys
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Instinct plus opportunity equals eating
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A dead human can't feed as much as a live one
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Food can tops isn't the only thing that shines
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Anything worth eating is worth eating twice
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Anything worth doing is worth doing for snacks
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Anything stolen is pure joy
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Acting deaf is often smart
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A deal is a deal ... until a better one comes along
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A bargain is usually eaten
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A Dachsie without theft is no Dachsie at all
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Don't lie too soon after a previous lie
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When the people are sweating, it's probably warm enough
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Never place kinship before eating
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Wise Dachsies smell food on the
hoofpaw -
Sometimes you don't get the last bite, but be sure to get the rest
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Never ask when you can take
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Fear is for squirrels, groundhogs, and badgers
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The vast majority of the real Dachsies would rather steal their food. But if you insist, they'll just eat it
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The most beautiful thing about a bird feeder is how many squirrels you can tree
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Domestic packs are run by females. Dachsie Grandmas will steal the young'uns toys and bury them
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When someone says, "I'm not laughing at your shape", they're lying
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Talk is cheap; where's the food?
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Never make fun of a Dachsie's snout
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Be careful what you chew. Your person may demand that you GAF when you're done with it.
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It never hurts to sneak up on the boss
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Work is fun
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Play is fun
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Too many Dachsies can't laugh
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You can always buy back a lost harness and collar and lead and glove
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Kibble is cheap
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Once in a while, make your person feel important. They need that
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The hunt is desirable, food is inevitable
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Only negotiate when you are certain to eat well
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Caressing an ear is often more forceful than pointing a fang
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Never argue with a cranky granny
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Fighting has limits. Joy has none
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Trust your nose
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Never trust a long-hair who's been trimmed
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The bigger the smile, the sharper the teeth
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Age and guile will always
I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.
Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.
Do your worst!
I'm surprised it hasn't decade.
For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.
I said "hey look, an escaPEA"
No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!
Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂
It really does, I swear!
