D A D Puns

WATER p-q-r-s-t-u-v-w-x-y-z

But my parents already did 🤪

I’m sure he’ll come around.

I called her Bluff.

I said “Well that’s pee in the corner…”

You gotta fight for your right to part E.

I opened it hesitantly. Outside was a creature from a twisted world. With a screach it sounded: ”Have you heard of the teachings of Joseph Smith?”. It was the Dema-Mormon

What happened to my right to bare arms?

Because it’s the closest thing I’m gonna get to having a father figure in my life.

You should have seen her face when I drove pasta.

I looked to my friends and said "We should leave, it's dead up here"

During the game I also found ample opportunity to use a Blackadder joke-

Me: my dad was a nun

Group: gives me a weird look

Friend: turns to me, thinks im serious how was your dad a nun?

Me: whenever he stood I'm court the judge would ask "occupation" and he'd say "none"

I was told to shut up 😆 🤣 😂

But you didn’t like it

“No, just to look at”

Giving a world-class doctor a third degree burn.

a

They call me Dr. LaunDré

but running in heels is a nightmare

The pro replied: “your stance is too wide”.

Studdering

And I said “but please, give mi mo, sa”

The United States of America

Goldfish wouldn't even be in my top 10.

And don't even get me started on second place.

...the only thing you can do with a Ph.D. in Egyptology is become a professor and teach other people who are trying to earn Ph.D.s in Egyptology, making it a total pyramid scheme.

I’m sure he’ll come around, eventually.

a 3.14

Sofa, so good.

I thought it was a waist of time.

This was a Mulled tipple choice question.

Credit Steven Wright

I call him Dr. Awkward.

Doctor.

The librarian scolds him, “Sir, this is a library!”

The man looks around apologetically to the other patrons, leans close to the librarian, and whispers,

 

^(“Sorry! I’d like a ham sandwich with pickle and mayo.”)

You’d rarely see a steady stream of income.

“Well, you said you wanted a Bluetooth speaker”

....To tell the time

Only one, but it took several light bulbs and several months to get it done because the ADDer.....

Paid for the lightbulb then left it in the shop on the counter.

Dropped another light bulb out of a hole in his/her shopping bag didn't notice and ran over it with a truck.

Bought the wrong sort of lightbulb because s/he couldn't be bothered checking which sort of light bulb was needed cause that's boring.

Left the light bulb under a pile of clothes for several weeks before s/he got around to trying to put it up.

Couldn't remember who s/he gave the ladder too so decided they had to go buy another.

Took the old light bulb down put it on the floor next to the new light bulb got distracted by an idea in his/her head.

Ran to get notebook to write idea down idea forgot about light bulb for an hour as other thoughts came to mind, remembered lightbulb couldn't figure out which was the old light bulb and which was the new light bulb

AARRRRRRRRRRRRRG Who invented such an inhuman thing as a light bulb

... E deer, F deer, G deer, H deer, I deer, J deer, K deer, L deer, M deer, N deer, P deer, Q deer, R deer, S deer, T deer, U deer, V deer, W deer, X deer, Y deer and Z deer.

Wait.. did I miss one out? O deer

“Two pigs fell in the mud.” He actually laughed at this classic!

Then I saw her face.

It sounds like an easy job, you just pick it up as you go along.