- " Knock knock it's the nurse not the doc!"
- Pull out my stethoscope and say "you've been saying that nobody listens to you so..."
Edit: "ON" your patients, not in them... damn typos trying to make this NSFW
Edit 2: "ma'am are you passing gas? No? Me neither" I get so much damn mileage out of this one.
So, I was fucking around with this bi dude tonight. It was a lot bit awkward and it was evident that he wasn't very experienced being with guys. I'm teasing him and I get on my hands and knees, doggy style, to simulate taking some D. Then I say: "I'm a power bottom. You don't fuck me; I fuck your dick."
Dude jizzes then and there, right onto my fucking sheets. The animal.
Any of you guys have some funny lines you've blurted out while in the moment?
Have you got any up-dog?
Devil May Cry 5 and Resident Evil 6 made me think of this.
Surely, there's a thesis in linguistics to be had in this topic alone.
Every year my boyfriend and I exchange homemade Valentine's Day cards. This year I'd like to make a D&D-based one. Mine always have really cheesy one-liners, so I'm looking for your suggestions!
Here are some ideas I have so far.
You rolled... straight into my heart.
You'll never be a critical failure to me.
I don't need to make an Insight check to know you're the one.
When we first kissed, I detected magic.
Whenever I see an action star using a fire extinguisher as a weapon I keep waiting for him to say, "Extinguished...bitch." It has yet to happen.
What do you guys think? Ever stuck with something you don't really care for because it worked?
1.) A Mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of three. He says, ‘Uno, dos…” and poof! He disappeared without a tres.
2.) I use mucho with my Spanish friends.... it means a lot to them.
3.) Q. Why does Michael J Fox make the finest milkshakes? A. He uses the finest ingredients
4.) Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you do criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.
5.) People who take care of chickens are literally chicken tenders.
6.) Communist jokes aren’t funny unless everyone gets them.
7.) I have a few jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work.
8.) Q. What’s brown and sticky? A. A stick
9.) Q. What’s slippery and a foot long A. A slipper
I’ve got more but I don’t want this post to be too long so I’ll leave it at that. If I get enough upvotes I’ll call up my stepdad for more. Let me know which are you’re favourites.
How many tickles does it take to tickle an octopus? (Ten-tickles)
Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long? (Cause then it’d be a foot!)
Why can’t a bicycle stand up on its own? (It’s two tired)
I will go first . .. . A guy three bays across at the range this morning talking about his new Sim2 5 wood: "I call it Mother Teresa, because it will forgive anything."
Claim any lame or childish one liner jokes. If anything related to Singapore will be best 😂
E.g. what is lighter than brown ? Ans: Light Brown 😂. My wife rolled eyes backwards
Thank you all for the creative input.. do keep it coming so that everyone can use the jokes. Making rolled eyes one day at a time.
“we crack riddles and giggle behind closed blinds” 🤪🤪🤪
Welcome to Random Acts of Amazon
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Topic of the Day
Today is Go to an Art Museum Day! When is the last time you were in an art museum? Do you have a favorite work of art, or a favorite artist?
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Edit: I'm starting to wonder if they have a team of people deciding whether the ad is bad enough. And the way they talk in the ads The way they talk THE WAY THEY TALK
It's like they're mocking my inability to shut them up
I'm this close to succumbing to spotify's will
Last night my wife and I were talking. We've been married 20 years. She was just laying on me and it can get hard to breathe like that. She noticed I was struggling to breathe and said, "At least I still take your breath away."
Why does Stephen Hawking do one liners?
Because he can't do stand up.
Mine is “thats why you never invite floopy doop and a shmoppy doop at the same party.”
Anybody caught Bucky’s lines in the Pilot episode of What if like:
“Come on steve, we don’t have all day”
“I NEED A HANDDDDD!”
EDIT: I just noticed it had so many other lines, i didn’t paid attention during the first time
_
While visiting family at their home in the country — where there’s plenty of private acreage, and the house and grounds are clothing-optional most of the time — I found myself saying the following at one time or another this week:
While helping tidy up a room: “Ya know, most people pay extra for a naked house cleaner.”
After dinner guests left: “Is the coast clear? Good! I’ll clean the kitchen in a minute. Washing dishes with clothes on is for chumps.”
What funny things have you said or heard during spontaneous conversation at home (whether a family member’s, a friend’s, or your home) about wholesome social nudity?
I swear I could make 10 sad or 10 angry songs that are all good before I make 1 good happy song. I feel like the happy beats I make are always corny, the lyrics are corny, everything's CORNY. It might be because I mostly don't listen to 'happy' music that often, but damn I didn't think it would be this hard. Anybody else experience this?
Welcome to Random Acts of Amazon
This is the daily post. You can say a quick hello, discuss the Topic of the Day, or whatever suits you.
Topic of the Day
Today is Fast Food Day! What is your fast food fave? Do you have a special splurge?
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Welcome to Random Acts of Amazon
This is the daily post. You can say a quick hello, discuss the Topic of the Day, or whatever suits you.
Topic of the Day
Today is Chocolate Day! What is your favorite way to celebrate chocolate? Do you have any favorite chocolate recipes?
New Here?
We’re glad to have you! Be sure to read the rules and the FAQ on our sidebar.
Welcome to Random Acts of Amazon
This is the daily post. You can say a quick hello, discuss the Topic of the Day, or whatever suits you.
Topic of the Day
Today is the absolutely most fantastic day in the whole wide world! And it is also Eat an Apple Day. DO you eat a lot of apples? Do you have a favorite apple treat?
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