Corn Jokes Puns

But it just gets cornea and cornea

Never mind, you wouldn’t like it; too corny.

But I'm not going to post it bc it's too corny.

Groans all round.

It was a maize zing

A few years ago my dad and I were bored walking through a museum and came to a random painting of a woven basket filled with husks of corn. He asked me what i thought of it.

As his dad-joke apprentice i told him: "I dunno, seems kind of "Corn-y" to me"

Without missing a beat he stared at me and said "you may think it's corny, but i think it's a-Maize-ing"

I still crack up thinking about it years later

...so I made a joke about an eye. It was cornea.

His explanation was music to my ears.

I felt like I was getting stalked.

It was earie.

I’m sure I’ll get an ear full for this corn-y joke.

Back in the before times, when sit-down restaurants existed, I used to order boneless cheese sticks and would just throw the word "boneless" in front of any appetizer with 100% corniness. The purpose of this isn't to make a good joke. It's not a good joke. The purpose is to make my dining companions catch some cringe splash damage and want to crawl into a hole and die out of embarrassment for my being horribly corny.

But there is a real, deeper purpose that I've discovered entirely by accident. People, especially young people, are so self-conscious and worried about saying or doing something embarrassing that it taints a lot of social gatherings. They go to a restaurant and are afraid to speak up even when their order is blatantly wrong. They'll tip well even when the food took an hour to arrive and the server has disappeared into the corn stalks behind a baseball field. It takes 2 hours of hanging out together before some friends finally stop nitpicking themselves, uncomfortable in their own bodies and brains, feeling perpetually judged, and begin to relax. These are the kinds of people who go to sleep every night replaying cringey moments from high school. Their last thought of the day is when the Burger King girl said, "Enjoy your meal!" and they said, "Thanks, you too."

It takes 2 hours and/or a lot of booze before they're comfortable enough to take conversational risks and truly reveal themselves. But if I come right out of the gate with a really dumb joke, then we can cut to the chase. There's less danger because someone in the group already shot themselves in the foot, right off the bat. They pulled a pin on the cringe grenade and then jumped on it.

You cringe at my dumb joke and then we're over the hump. Someone has already done something pretty stupid, so go ahead and order the hubcap of nachos and a massive chocolate shake because nobody is going to judge you poorly while they're all judging me.

In terms of price negotiations (haggling), there is a psychological concept called "anchoring". You throw out the first number and all subsequent numbers are compared to that number. This is the same idea. We've already set the humor standard pretty low at "boneless cheese sticks", so you can say the dumbest shit you want and, as long as it's not worse than my cheesy joke, it won't matter.

This is why, when you were a teenager and your dad took you and some friends out, your dad made corny jokes. He knew they were corny jokes. You and your friends un

“No more corny jokes, now just corn-orary jokes”

I’m glad he still has his sense of humor through these tough times

what do you call a dog breed bred to hear really well?

corn bread

*this was a pun i made a while ago to see how many puns i could fit in a short joke.

http://i.imgur.com/LT5FoFE.png

There were costumed food characters on stage in a cooking demonstration at the fair we were at (ice cream, churro, orange, and really round corn on the cob).

As the corn character was introduced, I turned to my girlfriend and said, "Aww shucks, that corn is a little husky."

The immediate look of disdain and the eye roll from her is my reason for living.

So I had some friends over and as my Dad was leaving one of my friends just yelled "I'll Facebook you!" Dad: "The only Facebook I get is when I fall asleep reading".

Dad, did you get a haircut? No I got them all cut.

What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car? Carlos.

Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don’t think they’ll fit me.

Can I watch the TV? Dad: Yes, but don’t turn it on.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like I was just born with mine.

“Every time I hurt myself, even to this day, my dad says, ‘The good news is..it’ll feel better when it quits hurting.'”

What’s brown and sticky? A stick.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.

“I’ll call you later!”- “Please don’t do that. I’ve always asked you to call me Dad!”

Q: Why did the cookie cry? A: Because his father was a wafer so long!

What did the mountain climber name his son? Cliff.

This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in there.

“My dad literally told me this one last week: ‘Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint.’”

“Whenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, ‘No, just leave it in the carton!’”

I got so angry the other day when I couldn’t find my stress ball.

If I had a dime for every book I’ve ever read, I’d say: “Wow, that’s coincidental.”

I’m not indecisive. Unless you want me to be.

How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.

How does a penguin build it’s house? Igloos it together.

“Me: ‘Dad, make me a sandwich!’ Dad: ‘Poof, You’re a sandwich!’”

“I heard there was a new store called Moderation. They have everything there

A steak pun is a rare medium well done.

“How can you tell if a ant is a boy or a girl? They’re all girls, otherwise they’d be uncles.”

Milk is also the fastest liquid on earth – its pasteurized before you even see it

“What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1”

The only thing worse than having diarrhea is having to spell it.

I asked my friend to help me with a math problem. He said: “Don’t worry; this is a piece of cake.” I said: “No, it’s a math problem.”

I keep trying to lose weight, but it keeps finding me.

I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport. I’m just doing it for kicks.

Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head.

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?

We're watching A Quiet Place, and the son falls into the silo filled with corn and starts sinking.

My 8yo cracks a joke: "Aw, now he's going to die of corncer".

I struggled to hold back my laughter before telling him it's not cool to joke about cancer.

Me: (my usual set up for a bad pun) I am trying to think a of joke about corn

Mom:don't split any hairs about it

Me: Oh shuck you took my pun.

Maize growers - their jokes are always corn-ear.

I love make jokes about corn. But some people find them corny. Others people find them hard on the ear

Chris Pine - Pine scented

Cocoa Chanel - Hot cocoa scented

Beth Crow-ley - Rain, nighttime, and city streets scented

Tom Holly-and - Holly berry scented

JK Row-ling - Lakes and campfire scented

Miley Cypress - Cypress scented

Bob Moss - Forest and moss scented

Juniper Aniston - Juniper scented

Katy Berry - Mixed berry scented

Britney Spearmint - Spearmint scented

Bread Pitt - Bread scented

Tom Cruise - Ocean, salty, alcohol scented

Aurora - Nighttime, wind, whimsical scented

Nicole Kidman - baby powder scented

Justin Beaver - Wood, nature scented

Elvis Parsley - Parsley scented

Steve Cobs - Corn on the cob scented

Banana Montana - Banana scented

Orange Winfrey - Orange scented

Chris Bat - Nighttime, caves, and bats scented

Zoey Salad-ana - Salad, lettuce, leafy greens, tomato, cheese scented

Dwayne the Rock - Mountains, earthy, fresh, crisp, wind scented Jennifer Joe-pez - Nice hot cup o’ joe scented

Chicken Corbin Blue - Chicken and cheese and ham scented

Robert Brownie Jr. - Brownie scented

Sardine-a Gomez - Sardine scented

Daniel Rad-Clif - Clif bar blueberry flavor scented

Leonardo Di-Carp-rio - Fish scented

Halle Berry - Mixed scented

Demi Tomato - Tomato scented

Kevin Bacon - Bacon scented

Mandy S’more - S’mores scented

Mackerel-more - Fish scented

Broccoli Obama - Broccoli scented

WILL.I.SPAM. - Spam scented

Mark Buffalo Wings - Buffalo wing scented

John Lemon - Lemon scented

Shakiramisu - Tiramisu scented

Egg Sheeran - Eggs scented

Benedict Cucumber Patch - Cucumber scented

Adille - Dill scented

Kevin Spicy - Taco scented

Channing Potatum - Potato scented

Melon DeGeneres - Melon scented

Danny Burrito - Burrito scented

Michaelanjello - Red jello scented

Harry Panini - Panini scented

Snoop Hot Dog - Hot dog scented

Paris Hilton - Paris, city of love, generic love perfume scented

Morgan Whipped Cream-in - Whipped cream scented

Mike Fryson - French fry scented

Henry David Thoreaut Lozenge - Cough drop scented

Raisin Williams - Raisin scented

Robert Frosty - Vanilla ice cream scented

Jeff Onion-blum - Onion ring scented

Tom Skittle-ston - Skittles scented

Ralph Waldo M&Mson - Chocolate scented

Malt Whitman - Malt scented

(Friend and I came up with these on the ride down to Boston for a concert, after the “I wonder what Chris Pine smells like?” joke was brought up again from a previous time hanging out. I’m particularly proud of Bob Moss and Zoey Salad-ana.)

Joke 1: why do pirates like corn so much?... ... Because it is a buccaneer.

Joke 2: have you seen the new pirate movie?... ... It was rated Arrrrrrr.

Joke 3: what's a pirates favorite letter?... (usual people guess "R") ... You would think so, but it is actually the sea.

Works really good as a joke routine.

Dad: "Lot's of corn you guys got on this farm!"

Seller: "We sure do, been in the family business for many years now."

Dad: "Could be a little creepy with all the corn....stalking us!"

Seller: "......"

Dad: "Sorry, just a little corny jokes :D "

We left extremely embarrassed and never bought the land. (edit, formatting)

They had two types of corn bread and my mother and I were trying to figure out what the difference between them was.
I looked at her with a grin slowly spreading across my face and said "maybe one is cornier."
I had to go outside for a minute because I was laughing so hard at my own joke.

So my supervisor and I were stacking some freight when she notices a large amount of corn.

Supervisor: I hope you need some corn

Me: I do actually, my jokes are running a bit dry.

Eye rolls and sighs for days.

Setup: Sadly this joke was not said by my dad it was said by me. I'm only 18 and I have always been the one in my family to say all the corny jokes.

Anyways my brother was about to leave to go fishing and was talking to my dad and I about what he would bring home if he caught anything. After listing a couple of fish I said "You might as well bring home whatever, just for the halibut."

Then I get "that look" from both my dad and brother. My dad did start to laugh then, but I could hear his disappointment in me.

We were wrapping corn in the morning. There were dozens of cobs on the table. I Said. "No one make any corny jokes."

How is corned beef made?

By people standing around it and telling bad jokes (introspective pause) like this one.

Where’s pop corn?

Darkest Christmas cracker joke I’ve seen.

Passing a graveyard Dad "I wonder how many dead people are in there?" Victim "I don't know..." Dad "All of them, I hope. or Dad "You know, people are just dying to get in there."

Passing a corn field Dad "Wow, just look at all that corn. It's a-maize-ing!"

After a haircut Victim "Dad, did you get a hair cut?" Dad "No, I got 'em all cut."

I realized after I posted this that I included the haircut joke after a road trip title. It was a late night of good beer (with Dad, of course) and I remembered it and thought it needed to be included.