Cooked Chicken Puns

Terror fried!

He responded with, “It’s not walking away.”

"Nothing wrong at all, I'm saving the breast for last!"

"Burnt 300 Calories today!"

They needed another ten minutes

My mum commented" That won't do the chicken any harm"

I responded with...

"It's already dead"

And for your convenience, it's all within the same hotdog!

It wasn’t a well thawed out plan.

One day he decided to get a whole new set of cutting boards from Acme Board Co. However, while doing prep for all-you-can-eat hotwings night, he dropped one of the boards and it shattered.

He said, "Well, back to the old raw wing board."

So I angrily got up and flipped the bird

Because they make everything from scratch!

It had a fowl smell to it

Husband: “What’s cooking?”

Me: “Chicken.”

Husband: “Smells foul”

He thought it was a waste of thyme.

I told her she was like a boullion in a China shop.

It keeps tasting foul

I was making chicken for dinner, and when I pulled the chicken out of the fridge my dad complained about a bad smell, "ugh what's that smell" "I dont smell anything" "how can you not smell that, its totally fowl."

Mom: > Can you please put on the vent?

Dad: > I'm more of a pants kind of guy, but if you really want me to...

Dad : I'm going to put a chicken pie in the oven for dinner.

Son : How long will it be until it's cooked?

Dad : About 20cm, but it will still be the same size when it's cooked.

Wife finally agreed to cook breakfast and asked "What kind of eggs do you want?" (How do I want them cooked?).

After pondering for a moment I responded: "I think Chicken eggs today".

By that time she was slicing a bagel with a knife and with a furrowed brow made threatening motions toward me with the knife... :-D

My mom told me about the first time she ever cooked for dad. She cooked chicken cacciatore. She brought in the dish and set it on the table . My dad grabbed the serving spoon, and as he was filling his plate, he asked:

"The real question is did the chicken ever catch the Tory."

Went grocery shopping, and bought some chicken leg quarters for the first time to use on a recipe I found online.

Wife said while she was putting the groceries away, “Leg quarters? You don’t know how to cook those,” to which I replied, “Guess I’ll just have to bake it to make it.”

I’ll see myself out.

Why didn’t the drunk Mexican druglord find the Bacon Tree? Because he walked into a Ham Bush!

Whats green and smells like bacon?  Kermit the Frog’s finger! Why do we cook bacon and bake cookies?

Why did the pig go into the kitchen? He felt like bacon.

Which actor is now being quarantined for Swine Flu?  Kevin Bacon

If you can’t get Swine Flu from eating bacon what can you get? A1: Obesity A2: Heart Disease A3: Hardening of the Arteries

Whats the name of the movie about Bacon? A1: Frankenswine A2: Hamlet Why do pigs go to New York City? To see the Big Apple.

Why was the meat packer arrested? For bringing home the bacon.

What do you get when you cross a pig and a chicken? The best bacon-and-eggs of your life.

Why did the pig kill the farmer? To save his own bacon. What do you call a bacon wrapped dinosaur? Jurrasic Pork.

What do you call a pig that can tell you about his ancestors? History in the bacon.

How do they get up there? In pigup trucks. What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede? Bacon and Legs.

What would happen if pigs could fly? The price of bacon would go skyrocket.

What did the boy bacon say to the girl bacon? Girl, you’re bacon my heart melt.

What are they warned to watch out for? Pigpockets.

First Carter Page and now Betsy DeVos. Trump’s cabinet is like a game of six degrees of Kevin Bacon except with Russia.

Everything must be wrapped in bacon, including bacon.

If Kevin Bacon doesn’t whisper “Here comes the Baconator” before he has sex all my faith in humanity is lost

I’ll acknowledge Canada Day when they finally acknowledge that’s not bacon

If Donald Trump really KNOWS the average WORKER then where are the pics of Trump hungover in 7-Eleven buying bacon in sweat pants?

This guy ordered a vegetarian sandwich and then added bacon. It was like watching someone have a mid-life crisis and then find a cool hobby.

If we don’t build a wall on our northern border, they’ll soon be maple syrup & Canadian bacon trucks on every corner.

I signed an Executive Order to make Saturday morning bacon and eggs and pancakes with triple butter and syrup non-fattening.

My bedroom smells like maple, bacon and beaver…because I’m Canadian.

When the waitress calls you Babycakes you know you’re getting extr

I was looking forward to all the dad jokes at Benihana last night, and I was not disappointed! (Also, epic onion volcano!)

• Our chef says "Who wants egg roll?" and then rolls an egg across the cooking surface.

• When the chef added butter to the cooking vegetables, he threw his bowl of butter into the air a couple times and said "Look! Butterfly!"

• While prepping the shrimp, he put all the tails on his spatula and asked the 6-year-old at the table "You ordered just tail, right?"

• He put one sesame seed on his spatula, showed it to the 6-year-old and said "Japanese diet!"

• Our chef checks with everyone who ordered steak to see how they want it cooked, then says to the people who ordered chicken "For chicken, everyone want rare?" and then he laughed when one of the girls at the table got really confused.

I'm sure there were more that I can't remember once the sake kicked in.

My father was talking to my grandmother about the recipe for the rice we had with our chicken. He said he put in some onions, red peppers, and cooked it with chicken stock.

I asked him what he would do with his chicken stock if the chicken market started to go under.

I could see the pride in his eyes when he said "Sell sell sell!"

I just subscribed to dadjokes and I absolutely love it. Probably because i have the same sense of humor. Anyway here is what happened last night as I was home visiting for dinner.

My mom has spent all day preparing a glorious meal of shredded barbeque chicken, spanish rice, and corn bread (the kind of home cooked meal you just don't get in college). One of my moms absolute favorite things is cornbread and honey. so while we were sitting at the table waiting for her to get her plate she set my dad up for his moment of glory. "Is my honey on the table already?" I saw the look in his eyes he knew he had her! "No sweety I'm in my chair. I haven't had enough to drink to get on the table yet!" I laughed high fived my dad while my mom and my sister rolled their eyes.

I was eating lunch with my girlfriend and she was telling me about how her dad is a terrible cook and can only make eggs.

I said, "You know who's great at making eggs? Chickens."

She responded with a sign and an "I hate you."

Me: Yes, cooking chicken.

Her: How does it smell?

Me: Not too sure. Maybe through its beak?

I work at KFC as a cashier and mid dinner rush last night a man came through drive through and so I asked how he wanted his chicken done as in Original, Crispy, Grilled, or Boneless. So in response to "how do you want your chicken?" he responded "Cooked of course!" and then I imagine him trying to high five whoever else was in the car with him

My 20 yo daughter cooked a whole chicken for dinner. She asked, "How's it look?"

I replied, "Fowl."

She just groaned.

P.S. Dinner was great!

My mom accidentally baked the chicken upside down in the oven, then asked how it was.
My dad answered "good but since you cooked it upside down I have to chew on the other side of my mouth."

Me: "My brother is on the paleo diet at the moment - Perhaps it similar - He keeps eating chicken on it's own from the packet."

Colleague: "Well I think in dinosaur times they didn't have packaging and Sainsbury's and the like."

Me: "No I suppose not, and they didn't really have fire either, so cooking was pretty much out of the question unless they had induction."

"Gotta make sure the chickens not pink or you'll be shitting your guts out later. Whoa that lamb's done nice and red on the inside"

"dad why dont we cook the lamb all the way through like the chicken, won't we get sick?"

"well mate, chicken just happens to be fowl"

:(

I had to cook a meal for my family for my Home Ec Final Exam and we had 2 extra pieces of chicken left over. My dad said "Go feed your homework to the dogs"

Man who cooks meat and peas in same pot... Is unhygienic!

(Every time my dad makes chicken fried rice)

So I asked my dad (a pretty good cook) how to properly grill chicken. His response:

In a basement cement block room, with a locked door, place a chair under a bright light. Have the chicken sit in the chair and aggressively ask it probing questions.

If it doesn't give honest answers, slap it around a little.

Sister: I made chicken stock in my cooking class today.

Dad: Chickens can't talk!

...and says

Dad: What're you making?

Me: I'm cooking up some jerk chicken

Dad: Woah woah woah, the thing is already dead no need to call it a jerk.

Wife was cooking chicken when she gave a slight scream. I looked over and saw her running water over her hand so I asked if she burned herself. Three-year-old came running.

Kid: (Repeating me) Did you burn yourself?

Wife: yeah I burned my hand cooking dinner.

Kid: well... Don't do that!

The student has accidentally learned something.

So she loves cooking and decided to make this spicy chicken soup that you put over rice. So I'm eating and she asks

Her "how do like it"

Me "its really good"

Her "I tried something different with the broth what do you think?"

Me "I like it, its just a good thing you didn't have anyone helping you"

Her "what why?

Me "because too many cooks could spoil the broth"

I then continued to sing it and she hates me and the song/video.