It was SO cold yesterday that my computer FROZE!!!
It's my own fault, though... I left too many Windows open.
When I got to my computer this morning I found that it was drunk.
It had been taking screen shots all night.
I was in my room building a gaming computer. I was almost finished, but something was missing. It wouldn't turn on. It seemed the power input was getting the wrong voltage.
Suddenly, my brother walked in. "Little bro, I've got a confession to make", he said. "This has been coming for a long time... I've been thinking about it, and it's time to come out. I'm not a man. Brother... I'm a trans woman. Tomorrow I'll start transitioning!
I stared at her a bit, my new sister... and then I grabbed her and stuck her in my computer. The machine immediately lit up, the fan spinning. "Just what I needed," I thought, "a transistor!"
My computer got a virus. Now all it can do is respond to basic commands.
Found a technician in my local directory but he says it’s terminal.
The first computer was owned by Adam and Eve. It was an Apple with a very limited memory.
Just one byte and everything crashed.
What does a baby computer call it’s father?
The IT guy at work is from Mexico. I asked him if he knew any computer programming languages.
If you have a file on your computer that has over 1K terabytes of data stored in it...
Would it be called a peta-file?
It is a little known fact that there was primitive computer network in Lothlorien
It was a Tolkien ring network.
What’s it called when a puppy eats a computer
A megabite
(This is probably awful but I just wanted to post it)
My computer sometimes gets really slow when it’s backing up my files.
I know it’s ok, but I still get a syncing feeling every time.
What did the picture on the computer say right before it was put through animation?
I reported my broken computer screens to IT.
They told me they would monitor the situation.
I bought a Mac computer and left it in my freezer.
It's the Apple of my ice.
I bought a new keyboard for my computer, but ended up returning it.
I said to my sister "did you know there's a computer currently calculating all the digits of pi?" she asked "when did it start?"
I told her "at 3"
This was an actual conversation me and my sister had lol
Being a pilot is staring out a window instead of a screen, sitting at the controls instead of your computer, intercom to passengers instead of Webex. It’s really just an office job…
Why couldn’t the computer take it’s hat off?
It forgot to take Caps Lock off.
I saw a movie about computer hackers. It is rumored that the next part will show them breaking into government databases, …
… but the makers are still working out the SQL.
PS: looks like only a SELECT GROUP FROM REDDIT will get this joke
My daughter was playing with my computer and she broke the R button and tried to eat it.
My IT guy just asked, "How does a computer get drunk?"
My computer broke, and my boss told me to take it to the IT guy
So I went outside and threw it in the sewer
What do you do to your computer if it won’t stop coughing?
I made a spreadsheet of all the grassy plains in Scotland, but lost it when my computer crashed.
How does a computer eats it supper
What did the computer say when it fell into quicksand?
What did IT say about the program causing widespread computer issues?
One bad app spoils the whole bunch.
Is your computer running? Then you'd better catch it!
My son hates it when I make Computer jokes while talking to him. One day, he took my laptop and...
One of my friends made a mini-computer. Saw my opportunity and took it :)
I got a virus on my computer that starts playing a boy band's hits every time I turn it on, unless I send $50K in cryptocurrency to cyberperps in Russia....
I'm the victim of a Hansenware attack.
The first computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve. It was an Apple that barely had any memory. One byte, and everything crashed.
It probably ran on Python
Credit: u/FriendofHolySpirit
I was having trouble with my computer, so I contacted IT support. The man said, 'Have you tried disabling cookies?'
I said, 'Well, I once bit the legs off a gingerbread man.'
I had a problem with my anti-virus program, it kept saying I had 1 virus on my computer.
So I deleted the anti-virus and there weren't any problems any more!
Me: Honey, did you recycle the old computer, or just throw it in the trash?
My boyfriend: Neither. I put it on the .com-post.
It wasn't my computer's fault it was me, but the computer just wasn't working for me...
I decided to hit the reset button in "relationship."
What was the computer chips first word when it was made?
I got a new tablet computer but I'm nervous every time I use it.
I guess you could say I have Surface tension.
How many computer scientists does it take to change a lighbulb?
None. That is a hardware issue.
When it takes you a while to find RAM for your computer, what is it called?
I overheard my USB drive plotting to do evil things to me ever since I unplugged it improperly from a computer.
It has become very corrupt.
I tried everything but I couldn't get my phone to sync with my computer, so I threw it in the toilet.
Why was the computer cold when it came to work?
Because it left its Windows open and Rickrolled itself.
The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve. It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte. And then everything crashed.
My daughter was playing with my computer and she broke the R button and tried to eat it.
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