Recently I competed in a boner contest
There was some stiff competition…
I compete with my wife on who owns the most board games. I thought I was winning...
But she had the Monopoly.
Male athletes who want to compete against women should go overseas
That way they can play abroad
I just competed in a tailoring competition.
I am organising a hide and seek competion if anyone is interested.
Good players are really hard to find.
An animal illegally entered to compete in the olympics track and field races...
He won all races by a very big margin but was stripped of all his medals ...
'coz he was a Cheetah! He should not have been in the human olympics anyway!!
- My sons and I came up with this on the way to school this morning. Its probably corny and old but we enjoyed crafting it :D
Any competent tailor can repair a pair of pants...
Everyone on this subreddit seems to be competing for best Christmas pun, but I don't think there are any clear front-runners.
What do you call a wedge issue between competing AIs?
My dad used to tell me these so here you go
- A plane flew over the jungle carrying 500 bricks. One of the bricks suddenly fell. How much bricks were left on the plane?
- How do you get an elephant in the fridge in 3 steps?
You open the fridge, put the elephant inside, and close the fridge.
- How do you get a giraffe in the fridge in 4 steps?
You open the fridge, get the elephant out, put the giraffe in, and close the fridge.
- An elephant and a giraffe compete in a race. Who won?
The elephant, because the giraffe was in the fridge!
- How many elephants can get in a green car?
- 2 of them sittings in the front and the other 2 are sitting behind them.
- How do you know that there are 4 elephants in the cinema?
The green car parks outside.
- Why can't you see the elephants hiding in the trees?
Because they are really good at it.
- Why do elephants paint their balls red?
So they can hide in cherry trees.
- What is the loudest noise in the forest?
Giraffes eating cherries.
- The lion is celebrating so he invited the whole jungle to his party. Who didn't show up?
The giraffe. He is still in the fridge.
- A squirrel was walking through the jungle when he crossed the crocodile river. Why the crocodiles didn't eat him?
Because they were in the lion's party.
- Before the squirrle got to the other side he died. How?
He got hit by a brick!
Did you guys hear about the competing podiatrists who opened offices right next to each other?
Competing with wide Putin, we have today...
Matt Stutzman was born without arms. To help feed his family, Matt learned to shoot a bow. He was soon competing in tournaments and came in second at the 2012 London Paralympic Games. He missed out on the gold medal and had to settle for silver..
but you still have to hand it to him though.
Did you hear about the nudist who competed in the Marathon?
Found out that my nanna used to compete in banana eating competitions until she was caught cheating...
... Then they had to ban nanna
Seems the Weekend had compete creative control for the halftime special and brought in his own production team.
I guess Everybody's Working For the Weekend.
What do you call a snake that competes in a multi-sport Olympic event?
I was lucky enough to witness the first narcoleptic contestants ever to compete at the World Pie Eating Championship.
My son recently started taking jujitsu classes and it got me thinking...
If everyone dressed up as ghosts, it'd be boo-jitsu!
If they served coffee, it'd be brew-jitsu!
If they wrestled cows, it'd be moo-jitsu!
If everyone celebrated each move, it'd be WOO!-jitsu!
If they only used chokeholds, it'd be blue-jitsu!
If they grappled inside old industrial chimneys, it'd be flue-jitsu!
If they wrestled pigeons, it'd be coo-jitsu!
If you ate too much Taco Bell before your match, it'd be poo-jitsu!
And then no one would want to pair up with you, so it'd be just you-jitsu!
I've been torturing my kid with these all night. :D
I was thinking today that a shark can definitely swim faster than me, but I could definitely run faster on land.
So if we were competing in a triathlon, it would probably come down to the cycling.
Did you hear that U.S. Mail is starting a freight delivery service to compete with FedEx and UPS?
They should reboot The Office but they all go and work for USPS.
My friend tried opening up a driving range to compete with Top Golf.
Not sure if he pulled it off but I know it took a lot of balls to do it.
What do you call the pressure Microsoft is under to compete with iPad?
Did you hear about the naked toddler competing in the Olympics' 100m dash?
He was running a little behind.
(I believe this to be original; but I wasn't willing to risk searching for the key terms required to determine if someone else came up with it... apologies if I'm repeating a long ago joke)
Whenever I am in a running competion i end up in Finland.
Because i am running to the finnish line.
Can any others even compete?
Elon Musk just completed his SpaceX warp drive, and Blue Origin can't compete.
He's light-years ahead of the competition now.
Did you hear about the team of white guys that tried to compete in an all vietnamese soccer league?
They didnt Nguyen a single game
Every year my town has a 4th of July track meet during the day, and any age can compete. My geologist dad, heavy set and not ready to compete, entered the mile and obviously did poorly, but he crossed the finish line, gave me a shit-eating grin and said:
"......gneiss guys finish last."
I tried to compete in a stair climbing competition, but I lost in the first round.
I guess I better step up my game.
There should be a movie about a Jamaican curling team that competes in the Olympics.
Did you hear about the three bears that were competing for the same job?
It was a grizzly competition between polar opposites but, in the end, one was way more koalafied.
So there are these twins with dwarfism who compete in marathons together.
I hear short legs run in their family.
If you buy Disney stock, and wait till they start competing with Netflix in November, you won't want to go to Disneyland or Disney World.
The stock itself will give you enough of a roller coaster ride.
My friend is competing with others to become a prison guard...
He is a con-tender contender.
Me and my brother, Victor, competed in a food eating contest...
The quarter pounder was alright, but it can't compete with my quarter pounder with cheese
I own a business where two folks jump from a plane and compete to hit the most targets as they fall to Earth.
It's called Pair a' Shooters
The last Czar challenged Santa Claus to compete against him in a marathon...
It was the closest race ever.
The entire time, they were Nick and Nick.
TIL in the late 2000s RIM was developing a voice interface to compete with Apple’s soon-to-be revealed Siri.
Did you hear that there were two competing titles for the new Star Wars movie?
I know on the outside I look competent, but deep down I have a debilitating fear that I'm actually in a bowl of spaghetti…
I guess you could say I have In-pasta Syndrome...
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