Why was the color green always single?

It was always so jaded.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
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My favorite colors are red, green, and blue.

They are the only colors I see.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
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The hardware store just told me they didn’t have any intermediate paint colors between green and violet.

That was out of the blue.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
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TIL the color magenta doesn't exist, it is your brain trying to make sense of your red and blue cones activating while the green is inactive.

Turns out, it's a pigment of your imagination

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2020
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Green is the greatest color of them all.

I love it more than blue and yellow combined

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/insomniac20k
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2019
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My favorite color is green

But I've been warming up to orange lately

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xAbednego
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2016
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These vegetables are colored green. google.com/search?q=colla…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PS4_noobmaster69
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2020
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Credit goes to Puns on Facebook. I am partly colour blind and this is f’in funny!
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/A_Good_Alibi
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2018
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Proud dad moment

Today I held up three colored balls in my hand. One red, one green, and one blue. My 1yr old son (after much debate) chose the red one. I’ve never been so proud. He has earned the right to play with my old game boy now.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Engineer_7
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
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Being colourblind is hard ._.
πŸ‘︎ 483
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NemotheChibi
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2018
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What do this joke and taking a sip of food coloring have in common?

They'll both make you dye a little on the inside.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ahwitz
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2016
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Was painting with the Mrs. last night and...

...she told me that we didn't have a color we needed.

So this morning I said "I had a dream last night that I found that color for you, but when I woke up I realized it was just a pigment of my imagination."

Got a groan from her, mission accomplished.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Richard_Punch
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2014
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There is a theory that no two people see a colour the exact same way ipfs.pics/QmZbKhZGWtorqCM…
πŸ‘︎ 127
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yousosweg
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2015
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I drank some food coloring by accident...

I feel like I dyed a little inside.

πŸ‘︎ 577
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2015
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My dad just owned me in a facebook message rap battle.

First of all, yes my family have rap battles over facebook, we are that white. It's been a fun rap battle of sorts, and my dad just threw down then well... Here is the conversation:


Father: Parental rap battle, game over with this one...

Father: You say we are weak

that our rhymes are the worst

Just remember my lad that we were here first

Rap didn't begin right now with your gang

It started with ours and came out with a bang

That we can't rap - on Twitter you say

o what a betrayal, Et tu, Brute

Oh no, oh snap, did that happen here

Dad threw down some latin from Will Shakespeare

I'm done with this battle and now I'll decree

Just remember my apple you fell from this tree

Me: I honestly have no words.

Father: Shit.... [TheLegitMidgit] is speechless. How could that be?

Me: Color me impressed.

Father: Is that green?

Me: Stop while you're ahead.

πŸ‘︎ 194
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheLegitMidgit
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2014
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Shirts and ties

Just got back from shopping for new work clothes with my girlfriend. She picked out two button-down shirts for me to consider. The first was a blue-green color. I told her it wouldn't work because it doesn't match most of my ties.

The second shirt was solid gray. "You could wear a lot of your ties with this color," she said.

"True," I said. "But wearing more than one would look kind of silly."

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/spacecatapult
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2016
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The wife has been sick lately...

and I noticed that her green underwear (usually reserved for certain times of the month) had been rinsed and thrown into the hamper. Suspecting she had been doing the Aztec two-step in the chocolate rain, I held up up the pair of panties and asked what color she thought her panties were. "I dunno...lime green?" she guessed. To which I responded, "Are you sure they're not shartreuse?"

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RickShaw530
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2016
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A Spill

I work at a place that makes shakes. Had a bit of a spill one day of a certain green-colored one. My manager looks over and says, "Well, at least the counter's still in mint condition."

πŸ‘︎ 84
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jmac313
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2015
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Daughter was asking about planets....

... she asked me, "are any hot?"

I said, "Yes, Mercury and Venus are hot because they are so close to the sun."

She asked, "Are any cold?"

"Yes, the ones outside our orbit are cold. Mars, Jupiter and so on."

"What color are they?", she asked...

"Well, the Earth is blue and green, Mars is red because of iron, Jupiter has a cool red spot..."

"What color is Uranus?"

.... .... ....

"It's brown, and very windy."

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheContrarian2
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2016
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Enjoying Thanksgiving break with my very white family...

My uncle walked out of his bedroom wearing a green sweatshirt. My mom perked up and exclaimed in all excitement, "That's my favorite color!" My uncle, unflinching and without missing a beat replied, "Caucasian?" And gives the most wry smile in the midst of a racially awkward silence. I inappropriately giggled. I might be kicked out of the family.

P. S. I know it's not my dad, but he's a dad to some of the people who were in the room. So it counts.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aleclynch
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2015
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FWD: Fwd: FWD FWD: Fwd: Emails from Dad

MAN LAWS

The International Rules of Manhood

1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:

(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.

(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.

(c) After wrecking your boss' car.

(d) When she is using her teeth.

3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.

4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.

8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.

12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CampConcentration
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2014
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Working at a grocery store

(Our eggs are color coded)

Me: Hey, I got this case of green eggs I'm gonna put out, but you know what I'm missing?

Boss: What?

Me: Ham. Boss: (Groan)

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pvejunky12
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2014
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Dad dropped this bomb at dinner

My mom, sister, and myself are all blonde with blue eyes, but my dad has black hair and green eyes. While discussing our coloring he dropped this on us. My mom-"you're so lucky. With your coloring you can wear nice oranges when we can't." My Dad-"Wouldn't oranges be awful heavy as clothing?" My mom-"just stop."

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tearsinmyweave
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2014
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Green is my favorite color

I like it better than blue and yellow combined.

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/omnomnosaurus
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2018
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