What does a debt collector say when complimenting a duck?

β€œYou have an outstanding bill!”

πŸ‘︎ 626
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πŸ‘€︎ u/medimanager
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2020
🚨︎ report
What language do garbage collectors speak?

Trash Talk.

πŸ‘︎ 53
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πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I had a job as a garbage collector, it was very depressing...

... I was often down in the dumps.

πŸ‘︎ 79
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πŸ‘€︎ u/youtellmebob
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Garbage collectors don't get training for their job

They just pick stuff up as they go

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sash_Mystq
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Garbage collectors are rubbish drivers!
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you know there’s no official training for a garbage collector?

They just pick it up as they go.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2019
🚨︎ report
I bought a collectors bottle of sake from a Japanese restaurant

It was a keepsake

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2020
🚨︎ report
What kind of training to you need to become a garbage collector ?

None, you just pick it up as you go along

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Today at work, I took a dish collector tub into the walk-in with me. I realized, most restaurants fridges can't even fit a car.

Yet, I just fit a bus in here.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thoxis1
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2020
🚨︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you call a gay squirrel

A nut collector

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kuty5
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Whats the name of the most badass debt collector?

Bond.

Legal Bond.

πŸ‘︎ 61
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πŸ‘€︎ u/moosenordic
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2019
🚨︎ report
A collector of Feline pokΓ©mons was brought to the court..

He was charged with attempted robbery. Before giving out the sentence, the judge gave him an opportunity to present his case before the jury.

After his testimony the jury decided to give him minimal punishment, they all understood...

...that he had a lot of meowths to feed.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hippity-potato
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2019
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I just started my job as a garbage collector.

The training stinks, but I've been picking things up as I'm going.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Debt collectors.

You gotta give it to em.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/THEWOBBLYSAUSAGES
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2019
🚨︎ report
I once dated a magazine collector.

Let me tell you,she had some issues.

πŸ‘︎ 52
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mudpucket1969
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2018
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Dating as a trash collector is hard

Whenever I say "I wanna take you out" they always get insulted

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dxdrummer
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2018
🚨︎ report
Rick Astley is an avid Disney/Pixar collector and very generous at that if you ask him to he will borrow you any DVD in his collection except one

He's never gonna give you 'Up'

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mattmilli1
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the gold digger who married a rich art collector?

She was just in it for the Monet

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Feral1991
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2017
🚨︎ report
My grandad was an avid clock collector, until he recently passed away

We spent ages winding up his estate.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ud_patter
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2018
🚨︎ report
I'm a coin collector going to a coin show this weekend

I really hope they don't nickel and dime me.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tballs51
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2016
🚨︎ report
a dad joke for mineral collectors

Q: what do you call it when you can't locate your favorite apatite specimen?

A: a loss of apatite.

:(

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/platetone
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2015
🚨︎ report
A brief history of time pieces

During the early days of Catholicism there was a huge uproar about the pocket watches that the elite class started carrying to tell time.

The conservative religious leadership at the time determined it to be heresy.

They rounded up anyone wearing watches made by the prominent inventors and burned them and their heretical time pieces.

They were considered some of the most beautiful watches ever made by man but now it is believed that none exist. Although, many historians and collectors still look for them.

Some people just want a watch the world burned.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/solomonsaysgo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2018
🚨︎ report
Stamp collecting

A few days ago, I was with family and Aunt #1 was showing me a book about antique stamps for collectors and the many thousands of dollars some of them cost. When she talked about her stamp collection, I said "That's a sticky habit."

Aunt #2 groaned and said, "What are you? Uncle R (her husband)?"

A few minutes later, I told her, "It's okay. You can address your resentment of stamp-related puns to me. I'm not afraid. [walking to edge of the room] I can take a licking right here in this corner if I have to! C'mon, go postal on me!"

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Slinkwyde
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2014
🚨︎ report
A joke my dad dropped on me a few months ago

In the middle of a conversation I was having with my mom about old retro games and consoles being pretty expensive these days for collectors, my dad walks in and says: "It's too bad son, your gameboy never grew up to be a ...gameman"

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThroughTheWire
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2014
🚨︎ report
Garbage collectors are rubbish drivers!
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2020
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
What training do you need to become a garbage collector

None you just pick it up as you go along

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/montymuncher
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2019
🚨︎ report
I heard there’s no training for being a trash collector

You just pick it up as you go along

πŸ‘︎ 78
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kshiau
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2018
🚨︎ report
What training do garbage collectors need?

None, they just pick it up as they go

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/marcuccione
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2017
🚨︎ report
I hate it when people can't let go of the past.

Debt collectors are the worst.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2020
🚨︎ report
514 Dad Jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 76
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Josvys
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
You've got to hand it to them,

ticket collectors.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BheTest
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2017
🚨︎ report

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