Co Respondent Puns

The followed response, "Guys calm down, it's just a drill."

True Story !

I overheard two Wal-Mart deli meat slicers talking about the bad slicer equipment while I was waiting for them to slice up my order. An older woman was using one of the slicers and apparently it had been problematic for some time. She is telling her younger, possibly late teens or early 20s aged co-worker about how she doesn't like to use that particular slicer. He responded back that he never uses it because of how broken it is, and then proceeds to give her suggestions on how to make it work. She tries furiously to slice the turkey and looks up and says, "UGH! This thing is the worst!!"

So I look at her and yelled "So, I guess it doesn't make the cut, huh?"

“Dad, I’m coughing.“ So of course I respond with, “Hi coughing, I’m dad.“

He stops and says in an exasperated six-year-old voice, “No! I’m co….” pauses “No! I’m cou….” pauses “I have a cough!”

He is picking this up quickly.

While standing at the register of a New Orleans Hamburger & Seafood Co, the lady taking our order asked what we would like to drink. My girlfriend responds "I want some barq's!" To which I promptly replied, "woof, woof, WOOF!" 0 laughs or smiles and I could feel the air around me thicken with dad joke cringe. Fuck it, I loved it.

My co-worker turned to a veteran employee and said, “ya know, for as long as ugg has been around I’m surprised they haven’t made any uggs for dogs.”

I chuckle to myself for a few seconds and he asks, “What the hell is so funny?”

I respond in the voice of an over enthusiastic sales man, “Hello there miss, I see you’ve brought your dog in today, what size is she....K-9?”

Speaking to my co-worker about Jason Pierre-Paul's disturbing firework incident to which he responds "yeah, he really blew it."

My co worker asked me how many digits I can name in pi. I responded well I can name all the digits in pi, 0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8, and 9 they are all in there somewhere!

My co-worker says: "I told my fiance that I would like to go to the UK for our honeymoon, if we can afford it".

I responded, "You probably can't afford it. To go there, you need pounds of money".

I once asked a Russian co-worker "Are you really Russian?" To which he responded "yes".

I then said "Well, what's the big hurry?"

We were working inside a walk-in freezer and my co-worker says to me, "It's a little chilly in here!", to which I respond "No, I don't think it's a small jalapeño." He stared at me blankly for a minute and then burst out laughing.

So my co-worker comes up to me & asks if I'd heard about the baby born with no eyelids. I responded no, & had no idea where he was going with this (he's told stories like this before & seems to just mess around with people). He tells me 'yeah, the doctor decided to fix it, so they took the skin from the foreskin of his penis.' Okay... really random story or I was just clueless. 'But there was a problem with the procedure, and the baby ended up coming out of the surgery cock-eyed.'

I texted my brother this morning about a story one of my co-workers was telling, Brother: Cool. I'm super busy today. Will be running around philly. Me: You should probably use your truck instead of running. It's been an hour and a half and he still hasn't responded. I'm feeling quite proud of myself for that one!

So the other day my best friends dad texted me. J didn't have his number in my co texts so I responded and said "Is this Bob?" He replied with "Yes, this is boB. See what I did there I spelled my name backwards"

He was going on about how it's weird that there is a mushroom soup, saying 'mushroom is a fungi'.

I responded with too bad you're not a fun guy, was immediately ashamed of what I said while he looked defeated and another co-worker laughed about it.

One of my co-workers was talking about the new vending machines at work. He said they have stuff like beef stew and tuna kits. I responded:

"Tuna kits? Can you use one of those if you get shot in the leg?"