Co respondent Puns

The followed response, "Guys calm down, it's just a drill."

While standing at the register of a New Orleans Hamburger & Seafood Co, the lady taking our order asked what we would like to drink. My girlfriend responds "I want some barq's!" To which I promptly replied, "woof, woof, WOOF!" 0 laughs or smiles and I could feel the air around me thicken with dad joke cringe. Fuck it, I loved it.

My co-worker turned to a veteran employee and said, “ya know, for as long as ugg has been around I’m surprised they haven’t made any uggs for dogs.”

I chuckle to myself for a few seconds and he asks, “What the hell is so funny?”

I respond in the voice of an over enthusiastic sales man, “Hello there miss, I see you’ve brought your dog in today, what size is she....K-9?”

Speaking to my co-worker about Jason Pierre-Paul's disturbing firework incident to which he responds "yeah, he really blew it."

My wife and I are co worship leaders at our church and she was singing a new song today. She said that it was hard because it was too low, to which I responded "You can't sing the solo because it's so low?"

She flashed me a dirty look and ignored me while she practice a few more times.

I once asked a Russian co-worker "Are you really Russian?" To which he responded "yes".

I then said "Well, what's the big hurry?"

My co-worker says: "I told my fiance that I would like to go to the UK for our honeymoon, if we can afford it".

I responded, "You probably can't afford it. To go there, you need pounds of money".

My co worker asked me how many digits I can name in pi. I responded well I can name all the digits in pi, 0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8, and 9 they are all in there somewhere!

So my co-worker comes up to me & asks if I'd heard about the baby born with no eyelids. I responded no, & had no idea where he was going with this (he's told stories like this before & seems to just mess around with people). He tells me 'yeah, the doctor decided to fix it, so they took the skin from the foreskin of his penis.' Okay... really random story or I was just clueless. 'But there was a problem with the procedure, and the baby ended up coming out of the surgery cock-eyed.'

We were working inside a walk-in freezer and my co-worker says to me, "It's a little chilly in here!", to which I respond "No, I don't think it's a small jalapeño." He stared at me blankly for a minute and then burst out laughing.

He was going on about how it's weird that there is a mushroom soup, saying 'mushroom is a fungi'.

I responded with too bad you're not a fun guy, was immediately ashamed of what I said while he looked defeated and another co-worker laughed about it.

I texted my brother this morning about a story one of my co-workers was telling, Brother: Cool. I'm super busy today. Will be running around philly. Me: You should probably use your truck instead of running. It's been an hour and a half and he still hasn't responded. I'm feeling quite proud of myself for that one!

So the other day my best friends dad texted me. J didn't have his number in my co texts so I responded and said "Is this Bob?" He replied with "Yes, this is boB. See what I did there I spelled my name backwards"

One of my co-workers was talking about the new vending machines at work. He said they have stuff like beef stew and tuna kits. I responded:

"Tuna kits? Can you use one of those if you get shot in the leg?"