Claire Tinder Puns

After having a teenage crush on a Claire and Rachel many years ago, I always imagine they're going to be nice people and they seem more attractive than there picture suggest.

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

Alot of great jokes get posted here! However just because you have a joke, doesn't mean it's a dad joke.

THIS IS NOT ABOUT NSFW, THIS IS ABOUT LONG JOKES, BLONDE JOKES, SEXUAL JOKES, KNOCK KNOCK JOKES, POLITICAL JOKES, ETC BEING POSTED IN A DAD JOKE SUB

Try telling these sexual jokes that get posted here, to your kid and see how your spouse likes it.. if that goes well, Try telling one of your friends kid about your sex life being like Coca cola, first it was normal, than light and now zero , and see if the parents are OK with you telling their kid the "dad joke"

I'm not even referencing the NSFW, I'm saying Dad jokes are corny, and sometimes painful, not sexual

So check out r/jokes for all types of jokes

r/unclejokes for dirty jokes

r/3amjokes for real weird and alot of OC

r/cleandadjokes If your really sick of seeing not dad jokes in r/dadjokes

Punchline !

Edit: this is not a post about NSFW , This is about jokes, knock knock jokes, blonde jokes, political jokes etc being posted in a dad joke sub

Edit 2: don't touch the thermostat

Do your worst!

How the hell am I suppose to know when it’s raining in Sweden?

Ants don’t even have the concept fathers, let alone a good dad joke. Keep r/ants out of my r/dadjokes.

But no, seriously. I understand rule 7 is great to have intelligent discussion, but sometimes it feels like 1 in 10 posts here is someone getting upset about the jokes on this sub. Let the mods deal with it, they regulate the sub.

They were cooked in Greece.

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

I lie in bed and think a lot while falling asleep. Squirrelclamp usually updates the comic by 10, so often QC is on my mind when I'm in bed. And I realized he's created several women who get a pass for their shitty behavior due to a minority status but should really be confronted about it.

Tai - (pass: bi, weed smoker) Pothead and sex pest, this was the obvious first choice. Marigold got retconned so hard that her bank account was frozen from all the donors entering existence at once, so I'm a little skeptical that JJ won't also retcon Tai into a good partner for Dora (or vice versa). If he actually let it play out naturally, it would be a grand explosion. I really doubt he will let a major same-sex relationship blow up, though.

Renee - (pass: POC) Overbearing bully with a lecture for anyone who resembles someone who wronged her in high school. It would be pretty great for someone who scolded Elliot because she HEARD he was bully complicit years ago and call someone Shitty Dan by 'accident' to realize she's not much better than the highschoolers she hated. I'd also really like to see someone who got furious their tinder one night stand was flirting with a roommate be reminded they made a coworker take his shirt off just to see if they got aroused.

Claire - (pass: trans, everyone loves Claire) There's loads here. But just going by most recent comics... I want to see the girl who has a putdown ready for anyone she judged unserious about their job be confronted with the fact she just called her new job shitty IN FRONT OF THE PERSON WHO GOT IT FOR HER. And isn't is so strange despite all that high and mighty talk, she juuuust can't seem to advance beyond the employees she finds unworthy.

Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?

Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin looks at the other and says "is it just me, or is it hot in here?"

Then the other muffin says "AHH, TALKING MUFFIN!!!"

Bonjour,

J'écris ce poste en utilisant un compte à jeter juste pour me vider le cœur et éventuellement avoir des témoignages de personnes qui sont dans la même situation.

Donc voilà, je suis une jeune femme de 26 ans, plutôt belle qui a son charme. On me dit assez souvent que je suis "mignonne" et je déteste ce mot car je veux qu'on me trouve belle ou sexy et non "mignonne".

J'ai été en couple 2 fois et c'était juste une histoire d'ado, rien de sérieux. On voulait juste être en couple pour ne pas paraitre bizarre notamment au lycée.

Je suis célibataire depuis 4 ans maintenant et je travaille depuis 4 ans aussi (coïncidence ?). Mon cercle d'ami rétrécit à vitesse grand V ! J'ai presque plus d'ami(e)s avec qui sortir. La plus part sont en couple ou trop fatigué après le boulot. Du coup, à chaque fois que je rentre, je me tape une dépression pas possible car ce sentiment de solitude me dévore peu à peu.

Alors oui, je suis encore jeune mais j'ai littéralement zéro vie sociale et je n'exagère pas ! Le peu de fun que j'ai, c'est en général quand je voyage et là, j'ai l'impression de tomber amoureuse de tous les mecs que je rencontre.

L'été dernier, je suis parti en voyage avec une amie un peu fofolle et elle m'a dit "Ca te dit qu'on installe Tinder et qu'on choppe 2 mecs ? Comme ça, on aura 2 guides et on va bien s'amuser". Et c'est ce qu'on a fait effectivement, on a créé un compte avec nos 2 noms et photos et on était assez clair. Rien de sérieux, on cherche juste 2 mecs pour nous faire découvrir la ville. Et on est tombé sur 2 mecs qui nous plaisaient pas mal physiquement. On s'est rencontré et le courant est passé, on s'est amusé comme des folles, ils nous ont fait découvrir la ville, fait visiter plein d'endroit sympa. Moi et mon amie, on s'est un peu libéré aussi donc pas la peine de vous raconter ce qui se passait le soir. C'est juste que pour ma part, j'étais et je suis encore en grand manque d'affection.

Depuis mon retour en France, mon sentiment de solitude s'est multiplié car disons "y a une semaine, je dormais dans les bras d'un homme et là, je fais des câlins à mon chat".

De plus, au travail, tous mes collègues sont en moyenne 10 à 15 ans plus âgés que moi et du coup, j'ai presque personne avec qui parler. Ils ne parlent que de boulot, se tue au travail et la plus part sont soit divorcé ou célibataire et ça se voit qu'ils le vivent mal.

J'ai essayé les applications de rencontre mais je crois que c'est

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

And now I’m cannelloni

Because she wanted to see the task manager.

Now that I listen to albums, I hardly ever leave the house.

And boy are my arms legs.

But that’s comparing apples to oranges

Heard they've been doing some shady business.

but then I remembered it was ground this morning.

Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale

Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments

BamBOO!

They’re on standbi

A play on words.

My daughter, Chewbecca, not so much.

Pilot on me!!

Christopher Walken

Nothing, he was gladiator.

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

Or would that be too forward thinking?

At work, I have a workstation.

edit: cheers u/cheer_up_richard

What did 0 say to 8 ?

" Nice Belt "

So What did 3 say to 8 ?

" Hey, you two stop making out "

When I got home, they were still there.

I won't be doing that today!

Hindus, on the other hand, never had any beef.