A list of puns related to "Christmas Singing"
Oh, they're covered in rapping paper.
I said 'Oh... I wish it could be Christmas everyday.'
I said, "But Baby, its cold outside."
..."Don, we now are gay apparel."
Itβs my jingle bell rock.
Do you hear what I hear?
Led it snow
No Hell, No Hell!
Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the whey!
They kept coming over singing those damn Christmas carols. Bah humbug!
The shop owner directs him to a 1,500$ parrot who can sing Christmas carols. The man doesnt believe the store owner and asks him for proof before dropping the 1,500. The store owner locks the doors and escorts the man to the back of the store and tells him βThis is a very special parrot, before he sings you must warm him up by holding a lit match 12 inches beneath.β He then takes out a match, lights it and holds it a rulers length beneath the parrot. After a few moments the parrot starts sining βjingle bellsβ in the tone of Frank Sinatra. Thinking this might be some cheap parlor trick he asks for several more demonstrations.. βRudolphβ βFrosty the Snowmanβ βDrummer Boyβ even βI Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Clausβ in the best impersonations heβs ever heard! The man gladly hands over the cash and rushes home to amaze his wife. He holds the match a rulers length and nothing. The wife laughingly says he got ripped off. β No no honey this works watchβ he does it again only holding it half a rulers length this time and still nothing! The wife, laughing hysterically, starts going back upstairs. βNO honey it really works watch!β βIm going to bed, Merry Christmasβ says the wife as she turns to head up the stairs. βWAIT Honey, one more time, please!β He pulls out another match, this time holding it three inches under the parrot who then squawks out βCHESTNUTS ROASTING ON AN OPEN FIREβ
So every night for the past almost 6 years I sing her the Sunshine Song
You know, "you are my Sunshine, my only sunshine."
And after a few years I got tired of it and would start songs from the nightmare before Christmas (because I'm a big elfman nerd) and Part of your world (because I'm completely obsessed with singing out of key chick verses and the little mermaid is dope af) but she would SCREAM anytime I started anything that wasn't the Sunshine song, I love this, so I go on for a couple bars while she's screaming then calm her down and sing the right song. To be fair, she likes the I'm On The Outside by boingo, so I belt that too. Although it's only acceptable in the car.
Now here I want to add that in the description of the event I will place a * where she interrupts me and the words immediately after that * will be her words.
Ok, so she's in bed just now and I said What song do you want me to sing?
Obvs sunshine dude.
So I start with the "look at this stuff, isn't it neat?"
And she's not screaming, she has a smile on her face so my mind is like "did she become ok with this, can I finally sing a different song than sunshine and eponas song?" So I keep going thinking that I finally won.
I get to the line, "Fliiping your fins, you won't get too **fart!"
I'm fucking dead this kid played me like a fiddle.
Someone call 911 I'm ded
Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.
Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":
My daughter was happily singing "We Wish you a Merry Christmas" in the bath, for 'tis the season. My wife returned home and from downstairs called "I can hear some beautiful singing from somewhere!"
Me: "Yes, I think we have a siren in the bath!"
Daughter, without skipping a beat: "Nee naa, nee naa, nee naa!"
I was asked to help chauffeur a carload of youth around town for a Christmas caroling activity last night. One of the names on the list was Jack, who lost his wife earlier this year. Jack is in his early 90's, stands about 5'2, and is quite possibly the king of all dad jokes.
So, the group of about 25 kids and 5 adults sneak up to his doorstep and begin singing a few short Christmas carols. Eventually, he opens the door and is thrilled to have visitors.
After we are finished singing and the kids are all running back to the vehicles to get out of the 15 degree weather, jack steps out of his doorway and on to his porch. He is wearing a light t-shirt and pajama pants... he was setting us up, and we took the bait, hook, line, and sinker.
Woman: Are you freezing?
Jack: No, I'm not freezing, I'm Jack (pause for laughter)
Jack: but if you hang on for just a minute, I can get freezing for you.
and then he just stood there smiling at us. It was precious. Come to find out, Jack is entering a retirement home in a few days because he is getting to the point that it is hard to take care of himself anymore.
Oh boy, those nurses are in for a treat once Jack gets settled in.
Me: "Have you heard that song called 'Christmas Cookies'?"
Dad: "No, who sings it?"
Me: "George Strait."
Dad: "Is he related to George Crooked?"
I call it my jingle bell rock!
I call it my jingle bell rock.
It is my jingle bell rock.
I call it my jingle bell rock.
The holly and the I.V.
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