His wife just rolled her eyes when I mentioned it.
It is Christmas Eve
I felt your presents!
It's a huge Pine in the Ash
Because he had Ginger-vitis!
That father had the biggest smile on his face.. happy holidays everybody!
I don’t know 8 people without problems
I say, Damn! Do they make a pad for that? Without a pause, she says: Depends
But I don’t want to sugar coat it.
...”MOM! DAD CALLED ME A LITTLE MORON!!”
🎶Do you sea what I sea🎶
Fleece Navy Dad
“Watch our for the rain, dear.”
-a tour guide earlier today
I will never part with this.
And inside she finds a deed to an undeveloped plot of land that is zoned residential. Disappointed, she sets the deed down and says, "I don't want a lot for Christmas!"
I asked two friends for the best pun Bond would utter if he'd just shoved a bad guy into a huge industrial deep-fat fryer. Their responses were:
Friend #1: "Play with fryer, get burnt.
(Isn't there an old saying of don't play with fire unless you want to get burnt?)"
Friend #2: "Why is my instinct to say cool off there?
Let's assume it's christmas. 'Thats a real Crisped Kringle' is what I'd say
Or do I know the guy's dad? Let's say I do. 'Youre a chip of the old block'"
I know, I need new friends. Do me a favour redditors and please tell me whose pun is least awful? And if you have any better ones, I'm all ears! (Mine was "Thank God it's fry day", I'm sure you can all do better).
He was less proud when she explained its because she only comes once a year.
Fleece Navidad
because I HAVE dated references.
Fleece navidad!
My husband and I finally finished decorating the Christmas tree tonight. There’s always a star and we forgot to grab the box from the basement. I said to my husband, “What about the star?” Without skipping a beat, he says, “It’s 2020. Zero stars.”
My Dad has recently shown a fascination with space and NASA. Long story short, Christmas is coming up and my plan is to surprise him with an all expense paid trip to Florida for 4 days with passes to the Kennedy Space Center. I’d schedule it around a launch so he would be able to see it in person. As well as checking out the area a bit since we’re there.
Which is where I need your help! I want to coordinate hints with presents that slightly hint at the trip. For example, I picked out a NASA tshirt, a space shuttle plush toy, assorted astronaut ice cream, socks that have planets and a rocket on them, mug that says “coolest dad in the galaxy,” a map/atlas of florida, and luggage tags. And the final gift I’m thinking will be a letter that puts all the clues together and would include the plane tickets, car rental agreement, hotel confirmation, and the admission tickets in an envelope.
Can anyone give me ideas on what hints to use??
- I’m still adding/taking away present ideas so if anyone has any better ideas please let me know!!
Thank you so much!! Any type of help is appreciated!! I don’t really have that “creative” part of the mind... whether it be a rhyme or dad joke-y type hint, it doesn’t matter!
An overworked elf walks into a bar the day before Christmas and orders a beer. "Hey look everyone! It's an elf!" the bartender exclaims. "I'm sorry, but that phrase is now insensitive and politically incorrect," the elf says. "We prefer to be called subordinate clauses."
The cashier asks "are you putting it up yourself?"
The man replies "no, I'm putting it in the living room."
".. I'm keeping my eye on you."
I freaking love that guy.
With a frown, she says "I don't want a lot for Christmas".
A Prostitute tweetie
What does the Prostitute Tweetie say?
"Cheap Cheap"
Just heard that about 5 mins ago at the Christmas dinner table... from my dad.
The shop owner directs him to a 1,500$ parrot who can sing Christmas carols. The man doesnt believe the store owner and asks him for proof before dropping the 1,500. The store owner locks the doors and escorts the man to the back of the store and tells him “This is a very special parrot, before he sings you must warm him up by holding a lit match 12 inches beneath.” He then takes out a match, lights it and holds it a rulers length beneath the parrot. After a few moments the parrot starts sining “jingle bells” in the tone of Frank Sinatra. Thinking this might be some cheap parlor trick he asks for several more demonstrations.. “Rudolph” “Frosty the Snowman” “Drummer Boy” even “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus” in the best impersonations he’s ever heard! The man gladly hands over the cash and rushes home to amaze his wife. He holds the match a rulers length and nothing. The wife laughingly says he got ripped off. “ No no honey this works watch” he does it again only holding it half a rulers length this time and still nothing! The wife, laughing hysterically, starts going back upstairs. “NO honey it really works watch!” “Im going to bed, Merry Christmas” says the wife as she turns to head up the stairs. “WAIT Honey, one more time, please!” He pulls out another match, this time holding it three inches under the parrot who then squawks out “CHESTNUTS ROASTING ON AN OPEN FIRE”
Why are Santas reindeer generally drenched with water?
Because they are rain-deer.
Why did Santa have to visit the psychologist?
He had low elf esteem.
Why are Christmas trees so uncoordinated when it comes to sewing?
They always drop their needles.
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a hungry mosquito?
Frostbite
What did Adam say to Eve on the night before Christmas day?
It's Christmas Eve!
...a new butt because his has a crack in it.
It's Christmas eve
Merry Christmas Eve
It's Christmas, Eve.
“It’s Christmas, Eve!”
It’s Christmas Eve. (I’ll let myself out...)
It’s Christmas, Eve!
It's Christmas Eve
Feliz naviDAD
It's Christmas, Eve.
The cashier asks "are you putting it up yourself?"
The angel replies "yes."
It's Christmas, Eve.
It's Christmas, Eve.
