Chiswick Records Puns

Hey Londoners! I'm a music enthusiast and vinyl collector from Germany. There's a certain LP I want really bad, but it's sold out everywhere. But I've found a little record-store (Dada Records, 394 Chiswick High Road) in your beatiful city that apparently still sells it. Unfortunately they don't send records via mail, so I'm stuck here. Would anyone here pick it up for me and send it? Thousands of upvotes and 5£ for the gentleman gentle redditor of whatever gender who does it. Message me!

Edit: Plenty redditors have answered now, so I don't need anymore people. I think I should'nt have gone away right after posting this. Sorry for the internet-dick-move and thanks for all your willingness to help :)

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

Do your worst!

They were cooked in Greece.

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?

Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin looks at the other and says "is it just me, or is it hot in here?"

Then the other muffin says "AHH, TALKING MUFFIN!!!"

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

Because she wanted to see the task manager.

But that’s comparing apples to oranges

Heard they've been doing some shady business.

but then I remembered it was ground this morning.

Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale

Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments

BamBOO!

They’re on standbi

A play on words.

My daughter, Chewbecca, not so much.

Pilot on me!!

Christopher Walken

Nothing, he was gladiator.

And boy are my arms legs.

Or would that be too forward thinking?

The London Underground. Commonly known as the Tube, it started in 1863 with a seven station stretch from Paddington to the commercial heart of London. It has since expanded to 270 stations on eleven different lines incorporating 400km/250mi of track, from far-flung towns to bustling West end shops, from stations named after football clubs to the birthplace of talk show hosts. While most users of the network are keen to spend as little time as possible underground in stations, or pressed cheek-to-armpit crammed onto busy peak-time services, a small number of people see the vast sprawling transportation system as a beast to conquer.

Since 1960, a Guinness World Record has been in place for the Tube Challenge - the fastest time to travel to all the stations on the London Underground network. There are some rules in place - not every piece of track needs to be covered; a second stopwatch must be started and stopped at the same time, but held independently of those gallivanting around the network; a visit counts as arriving or departing from a station on a public tube train, but competitors can use other forms of public transport (or running) to connect to other stations.

The Tube Challenge has been turned into an art exhibit, used to raise money for different charities and to try and restore confidence after acts of terrorism. An average attempt can take around 18 hours, include about 5-6 miles (10km) of running both through and between stations, and around 50 different trains. Every single station on this map that’s not on the London Overground (orange and white lines) or DLR (green and white lines) must be visited.

It’s a predominantly male hobby.

In the mid 2000s, before social media largely winnowed the internet down to a handful of sites, internet forums were a place for like-minded people with a shared interest to congregate. They were strange places, intended to encourage

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

What did 0 say to 8 ?

" Nice Belt "

So What did 3 say to 8 ?

" Hey, you two stop making out "

When I got home, they were still there.

Hindus, on the other hand, never had any beef.

I won't be doing that today!

This morning, my 4 year old daughter.

Daughter: I'm hungry

Me: nerves building, smile widening

Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.

She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.

Thank you all for listening.

There hasn't been a post all year!

Where ever you left it 🤷‍♀️🤭

[Removed]

And then shook his arm really fast.

(True story, please groan with me.)

You take away their little brooms

It was about a weak back.