I'm quitting cold turkey
Now I Think I’m getting haunted by a poultrygeist
My wife and son are vegetarians, but I eat meat. One day, my son try’s to eat some of the chicken off my plate and my wife says “No sons name That’s a dead bird. We don’t eat dead birds”.
I reply “she’s right Son, it’s a murder most fowl”.
The first thing I asked was if it was chicken or turkey, because we can't dismiss fowl play.
Why did the police arrest the turkey? > They suspected fowl play.
What would you get if you crossed a turkey with a ghost? > A poultrygeist!
Why did the turkey cross the road twice? > To prove he wasn’t a chicken!
What key won’t open any door? > A turkey!
If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? > Goblet.
Fruit comes from a fruit tree, so where does turkey come from? > A poul-tree.
What happens when you’re too harsh on the cranberries and make them sad? >They turn into blueberries.
What kind of cars would pilgrims drive today? > Plymouth.
My daughter who is 15 was hanging out with one of her friends. They were having a typical teenage conversation over which is better turkey or chicken. After a good 5 minutes of "Turkey.. No chicken... No turkey!" I interjected and said "You know what... I think your conversation is pretty fowl". It was a very proud period of silence after that.
Every Sunday, my family gathers at Sunday dinner (England here) and we have a roast. More often than not, we have roast chicken. We know it's coming, we expect it, yet still we think that maybe, just maybe, this will be the week that my dad doesn't tell THE joke.
My mum serves the food and asks "who wants a piece of chicken?" Then comes the response from my dad.
"I don't like chicken. It's fowl." He then proceeds to eat most of the chicken, while laughing to himself.
I wouldn't have it any other way.
Today at the dinner table, my family and I were discussing wine when my brother says "Yes, but I find wine to be foul!"
My dad, from across the table chimes in "I personally find chicken to be fowl."
A wave of groans and chuckles ensued.
Me and a coworker were making a batch of buffalo chicken wings at work. He noticed that one of the wings still had a feather on it and pulled it off. I said, "I'm glad you noticed that, otherwise that bite would have been fowl." Cue eyeroll.
"Gotta make sure the chickens not pink or you'll be shitting your guts out later. Whoa that lamb's done nice and red on the inside"
"dad why dont we cook the lamb all the way through like the chicken, won't we get sick?"
"well mate, chicken just happens to be fowl"
:(
I was at the grocery store and had this exchange with the girlfriend.
Girlfriend: "I'm going to get some chicken for dinner. I guess I want to eat a lot of bird this weekend."
Me: "So, would you say you're in a fowl mood?"
Little sister "What about the chicken?" Older sister "You mean Turkey?" Ls "Whatever, same difference." Os"You're a chicken." Brother "I call fowl." Me "I'm game."
Driving home with my son today from his basketball game, he was a little upset because he was ejected for too many fouls. On our way home he asked me if we could have chicken for dinner. " I think we're all fowled out."
I was eating my dinner of chicken curry last night with gusto as I was very hungry. When I finished my mother said
Mam: you didn't enjoy that, did you?
Me: it was foul
Dad: he's right, you know
myself and my mam look at my dad
Dad: with a smirk well it was fowl, it was chicken
I laughed and my mam groaned
My 20 yo daughter cooked a whole chicken for dinner. She asked, "How's it look?"
I replied, "Fowl."
She just groaned.
P.S. Dinner was great!
After dinner, he leaves a feedback for the waitress.
"We had chicken and Duck. It was absolutely fowl"
I was making chicken for dinner, and when I pulled the chicken out of the fridge my dad complained about a bad smell, "ugh what's that smell" "I dont smell anything" "how can you not smell that, its totally fowl."
When she got home, she told me about how excited she was to see all the animals—except the geese and the chickens. I asked her why not those two, and she said, "Because they're aggressive fowl."
I responded, "I guess they were in a really fowl mood, then, huh?" She wasn't amused.
