You want me to change the safety wire in your electrical equipment?
My pastor helped me change a lightbulb once.
It was an enlightening experience.
My friend came out today. He told me wanted to change his pronouns to they.
I've known him for years and never knew he was one of them.
A coworker just called me while I'm on vacation and he said he wanted to change his name to Spinal Column
Since I was on vacation, I told him "I am a little busy right now. I'll just call you back." 🙃
I asked the doctor what would change for me after my vasectomy.
Apparently, there won't be a vast difference.
I saw a machine near a store, but I i asked my friend what it does. He told me "oh its a machine to get change from bills"
I said, "oh, that makes cents"
My wife asked, "If you could change one thing about me, what would it be?"
I was in the hospital for a week. I just got out and my wife tells me to take a shower and change my underwear. "Soon, they might start walking and talking on their own," she says.
I said, "They might even crack a few jokes.
.
.
"But they'll be brief."
My wife asked me, “Are you sometimes surprised as to how little people change?”
I said, “Actually, the process is the same. Apart from their tiny clothes.”
My wife asked me if we should change the lights in the house
My wife told me to change the light bulb
I said, "Can't you do this?"
She replied: "I don't know how. "
So I told her: "Meh, just screw it, I'il do it."
My wife asked me to change our six month old
I said no, I like him the way he is.
(I came up with this on the spot and was really proud)
People tell me I should learn to change a tire.
But I'm pretty comfortable with my wardrobe.
My wife keeps telling me to change the baby
But I like the one we have already.
People always told me to never change, but I never listened...
Because then my clothing would get dirty.
Suddenly YouTube is recommending me nothing but climate change videos
Praise the YouTube Al-Gore-Rythym
My doctor has advised me to stop drinking, its going to be a massive change for me.
I've been with that doctor for 15 years.
I was at a local store buying a shitty old CD for $9.95. When I handed the cashier my $10, he handed me my change and said:
"Here's your Nickleback."
My son told me he wanted to start a change collection.
I told him that makes a lot of cents.
I'm finding that as I get older, I am becoming more and more resistant to change. It makes me uncomfortable, and I try to avoid it whenever possible.
I mean, dollar bills are so much easier to carry around.
My wife just asked me if I would change our 1 month old son.
I told her I liked the one we have.
I think I’m starting to get this being a dad thing.
I was doing gymnastics after a part-time shift at the tire change shop, my coach asked me how I learned to do back handsprings without a tumbling cylinder
I said it actually just took me a goodyear or two
So, my child told me on the phone they'd got a sex change. They could tell I wasn't too bothered...
I had become trans-parent
Ever since I went through with my sex change operation my kids have been completely ignoring me
It's like I'm transparent.
I boasted to my son, "Did you know scientists discovered that the brains of male parents irreversibly change after their first child was born?" He rolled his eyes and ignored me, but I carried on...
They told me "be the change you want to see in the world!"
Ever since my son told me he wanted a sex change they’ve stopped acknowledging me
I guess now I’m transparent
My wife said she's gonna leave me if I don't change and stop reading erotic novels
I decided to turn over a new leaf
My wife bought me a sweater that was picking up static electricity, so I went to the store to change it.
They replaced it with a new one, free of charge.
As I thought, the publisher of my book called "Bio" wants me to change the name. It figures...
That's the story of my life.
Sex change operations are one thing, but Human to animal operations really give me paws.
I’ve been working a long time. My job is hard, unfulfilling and honestly, doesn’t pay that great. I think it’s time for a change of pace for me. I’ve decided to go into a completely different direction and become a pig rancher.
It’s the only way I can bring home the bacon.
Today at the store the cashier gave me 2 pennies in change and said have a nice day, don’t spend it all in one place.
I said thanks for your 2 cents.
If my parents ever change genders, I want them to let me know.
I just want them to be transparent with me.
I had to have my wife's child give me a boost to change a lightbulb
After trying to change my password to "noodle" my computer had a beef with me.
Apparently my password wasn't stroganoff.
Working at sams club i would collect boxes as they would empty. A customer came up to me and said "can i have a few of those flat boxes? I use them when i change my car oil so it doesnt stain my floor."
So I say "of course, that's a great idea. That's really thinking outside the box."
This homeless man was shaking his cup at me with some change in it.
Yeah i get it, you have more money than me. Quit it.
Visited my dad and he made me a breakfast sandwich and I joked him for a change.
He made us all egg sandwiches, over easy - runny and delicious. I got some on my hand and as I went to lick it off said, "Yolks on me."
Dad went, "Heh. That's my girl."
Ain't no higher praise.
A homeless man asked me if i had change after i left my Buddhist retreat
I said "change must come from within"
I am a receptionist and a girl asked me to change £1
Me: How do you want the change?
Girl: 50 50
Me: So you are not sure?
The girl laughed but the friend took a bit more time to understand.
My wife asked me "Are you sometimes surprised at how little people change ?"
I said, "The process is the same. They just have tiny clothes"
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