Cars.com Puns

Pretty much the first dad joke I've ever seen that requires a video punchline.

https://i.imgur.com/pfZya7P.gifv

Originally posted to /r/IdiotsInCars/ by /u/My_Memes_Will_Cure_U

A few years ago, I bought my first car. A Mitsubishi. I didn't have much money, so I was glad the dealership worked with my. I was so excited I went to see my grandfather. I said, "Grandpa, I got a Mitsubishi, zero down!"

He looked at me and said, "When I was your age, I also got a Mitsubishi Zero down."

from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ApOfbxpL4Dg&lc=Ugw87PmwOat4WPlRvQR4AaABAg

?

rule 6 compliance section: >!It's an aluminum-shelled resistor. The person trying to escape would be a resistor, but would be put in a car, which are about 9 percent aluminum, if this shitty article I found online is to be believed: https://auto.howstuffworks.com/under-the-hood/auto-manufacturing/5-materials-used-in-auto-manufacturing3.htm the car would be the metal shell.!<

>!also I found online that walking at 5 km/h takes around 100W of energy, so I went with 200W because I figured trying to escape the police while prone probably takes around double the effort.!<

A clown was driving home and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. His clown car was covered with dents, so the next day he took it to a repair shop. The shop owner saw that he was a clown, so he decided to have some fun. He told the clown just to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out.

So, the clown went home, got down on his hands and knees and started blowing into his clown car’€™s tailpipe. Nothing happened. He blew a little harder, and still nothing happened.

His roommate, another clown, came home and said, ‘€œWhat are you doing?’€ The first clown told him how the repairman had instructed him to blow into the tailpipe in order to get all the dents to pop out.

The roommate rolled his eyes and said’, "HEL-LOOOOOOOO "! You gotta roll up the windows!!!

https://bestcleanfunnyjokes.com/the-clown-with-the-dented-car/

Ah - the good ol' Mazda meowta

https://www.reddit.com/r/gifs/comments/9sgqbx/car_vs_dragons/e8oni93?utm_source=reddit-android

… u/ebkbk for this post: Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian. made on 24.11. with 38.9k upvotes

[also already made by u/Tface on 25.03. for 16.9k upvotes]

Let's move on to the top 3 of each month:

January:

1. Is this sub still active? by u/I_Fart_Liquids on 01.01. with 36.4k upvotes

2. Gonorrhea would have been a great name for diarrhea medicine by u/daugarten on 20.01. with 30.8k upvotes

3. An open letter to the mods of r/dadjokes: by u/Alfie_13 on 27.01. with 18.9k upvotes

February:

1. Was watching Star Wars with my daughter. She asked why Luke was climbing inside a Tauntaun, I said to keep warm. by u/jakeisbill on 05.02. for 20.3k upvotes

2. My daughter asked me what I'm posting on Reddit... by u/madazzahatter on 25.02. for 18.3k upvotes

3. When a woman is giving birth, she is literally kidding. by u/ownworldman on 23.02. for 17.7k upvotes

March:

1. I got an e-mail saying, "At Google Earth, we can read maps backwards!" and I thought... by u/madazzahatter on 21.03. for 22.2k upvotes

2. Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. by u/Tface on 25.03. for 16.9k upvotes.

3. [When I reach home, my 1.5 y.o. son rushes out to the gate to sit in my lap while I park the car. Then he just grabs the steering and starts shaking it with brrrmmm brrrmmm sound. His cute antics always make me forget that he's suffering from a rare disease.](https://www.reddit.com/r/da

You park your car, man.

My boyfriend's dad, ladies and gentlemen

It has the biggest trunk I've ever seen.

( http://inhabitat.com/the-unusual-cedar-rocket-is-the-fastest-all-electric-log-car-in-the-world/ )

The scene where Max is grabbed by the Pole Cat,

http://cdn.collider.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/mad-max-fury-road-image-the-war-rig.jpg

and ends up getting dumped onto the car with the drums and guitar guy

http://i.guim.co.uk/static/w-620/h--/q-95/sys-images/Guardian/Pix/pictures/2015/3/31/1427821675682/5e25da37-61d7-44fd-a9a3-b2f5b8b5a791-620x372.jpeg

I leaned over to my GF and said "It looks like he's jumped onto... the bandwagon" She totally lost it :)

http://imgur.com/7c4bFwj

I can list them all but some of my favourite are:

I stayed up all night wondering where the sun had gone and then it dawned on me.

Whenever the cashier asks me if I want the milk in the bag I say "no just leave it in the carton"

Why was the policeman sleeping in his car? It was arrest stop!

I attached all of my watches together to make a belt. It was a waist of time

• Accounts Payable Administrator_______________Imelda Czechs

• Accounts Payable Clerk, Moscow Office__________Dasha Chekhov

• Air-Quality Monitor _________________________Carmine Dioxide

• Caffeine Addiction Counselor__________________Bruno Moore

• Chief Legal Counsel_________________________ Hugh Louis Dewey of Dewey, Cheetham & Howe

• Cliche Monitor_____________________________Saul Wellingood

• Clothing Designer__________________________Hugh Jass

• Credit Counselor___________________________Max Stout

• Director of Purchasing_______________________Lois Bidder

• Director of Pavlovian Research________________Isabelle Ringing

• Divorce Attorney___________________________Carmine Nottyors

• Dog Trainer_______________________________Don Chase Katz

• Ebay Specialist____________________________Selma Junkoff

• Head of Security___________________________Barb Dwyer

• Global Economics Forecaster_________________Helena Handbasket

• Marine Biologist___________________________Frieda Wales

• Father-in-Law Liaison_______________________Royal Payne Diaz

• Mother-in-Law Liaison______________________Stella Payne Diaz

• Official Spokesperson_______________________Howie Vasive

• Restroom Attendants_______________________Trudy Door & Donna Hall

• Russian Chauffeur__________________________Picov Andropov

• Scout Leader______________________________Lawson D. Woods

• Shop Foreman_____________________________Luke Bizzy

• Staff Intuitionist____________________________Ivan Inkling

• Used Car Salesman_________________________Alexis Itznot

Full list can be found here: http://www.cartalk.com/content/staff-credits

He was following a car with the license plate "Jesus"

https://imgur.com/a/QAEjB

Driving down the freeway with my sisters in the car.

I asked, "Hey, you guys like Country music, right?"

"Yes," they responded.

"Good, because we just happen to be driving behind..."

We've done a bunch of these lists on my podcast Shoddy Radio in the past including "Cars and Stars" (Steve Mitsubuscemi, Jean Claude Grand Am), "Groups and Poops" (Stool, The Brown Stripes), and "Chicks and Dicks" (Sigourney Wiener, Dickey Lake). Anyway, I thought some folks here might appreciate these and want to throw in some ideas. So far for our next list "Criminal Acts & Delectable Snacks" we've got Bacon and Entering, First Degree Burger, Child CornDography, Statutory Crepes and a few others I can't remember right now. Any submissions?

Usually, upon seeing the back of my car for the first time someone will ask me, "Why do you have an Aluminum sticker on your car?"

"Because it is my second favorite element!"

"Second? What is your first?"

"Mine."

grooooaaaanns

So she's driving me in to work because my car's at the garage having some work done, when there's a sudden beep of horns and a minor road rage incident between two identical cars like this:

https://carleasingmadesimple.com/news/v01/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/Mini-Countryman-rear-view-1024x767.jpg

Without even a split second hesitation she comes out with "Well, you'd think their fellow countryman would simply let them merge wouldn't you?".

And apparently, it's true:

http://money.cnn.com/2015/05/18/luxury/flying-cars-aeromobil/

So my daughter has been talking nonstop about them and how she wants me to get one.

I told her I don't think they'll ever take off.

She kept talking...I guess my joke went over her head...

I was giving my mom some advise as she was buying a new car a few years ago. She brought up a car I thought would be an awesome car to own, and she shot me down...hard..

mom texts are cruel

with an enclosed trailer on our hitch. Every other pump at this highway gas station was in use. Dad steps out of the car and before attending to the pump, walks up to the trailer and slaps the paneling several times (pound) (pound) (pound) "Hey! Be quiet in there!"

So this was in the summer of 2011 and at the time this song was a big hit: Medina - You and I. The important part here is the chorus, starting at 0:44.

So in the middle of the song I ask my friend "Do you know what kind of car this singer drives?"
"No idea", she said. To which I replied "A hyu-n-dai."

She almost threw me out of the car.

A little back story: I drove to NYC a few years ago when I was 19 and ended up getting my car towed because I was illegally parked. Ever since then, I've been wary about possibly parking illegally. Today, I met up with my girlfriend at a museum and then left my car in the museum parking lot when we went to go see a movie. I was worried about my car possibly being towed so I texted my mom asking her what she thought.

http://imgur.com/SQLRUA2

And toys. Simultaneously.

We were riding in the car and the following conversation ensued:

Me: "[Sister] Do you know [Friend]?"

Sister: "Yes, but I don't run into them very often."

Dad: "That's good, you may knock them down otherwise"

It took a minute for the joke to sink it. Afterwards we all felt like This.

So he says to me: "My car got SON damage!"

Cheered me right up.

He said it was a Na-tural disaster.

I linked him here

Relevant link: http://abc7chicago.com/news/morton-salt-collapse-covers-cars-at-acura-dealership/455616/

In response to /u/rsocfan getting Reddit banned in Russia, the following conversation ensued:

> This is an impressive mark to have left on history. I mean, some people cause 48-car pileups on the high way, you get an entire site blocked from an entire country.

> I make chicken wings all day.

-/u/backstagecoffee

>chicken wings

> Your contribution is also important. How else would chickens fly?

-/u/stovenn

Link to the thread containing /u/stovenn's joke

I love Anna Kendrick, and my dad sent me an email with the subject line "Anna Kendrick sings and goes topless in new 'The Last Five Years' clip" with a link to this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JtG2DJnLBEk

As you can see, Anna does not actually go topless in the trailer. When I questioned his subject line, he responded "She's in a topless car..."

My Dad sent this picture to me with the caption, "A Prius is not as 'green' as this car!" http://imgur.com/fxYMinB

> Bye baby, I'm going to go pick up the Five Guys

You won't be able to fit them unless you take out the car seat.

What do you do when you see a space man?

You park your car, man.

http://i.imgur.com/lkGbFJk.png?2