If you are on a hike in Canada, you need to spot at least two grizzlies before calling the authorities.
Thatβs the bear minimum.
π︎ 57
π
︎ Aug 21 2021
Did you hear about the new high school math competition they're calling "extreme "fractioning"?
π︎ 18
π
︎ May 21 2021
STOP π calling yourself a communist if you aren't Russian!
It's Karltural appropriation
π︎ 2
π
︎ Feb 12 2021
You calling me a lyre
π︎ 4k
π
︎ Oct 30 2019
Well I'm not calling you a truther
π︎ 6k
π
︎ Oct 21 2018
"hello, thank you for calling Hannibal's..."
π︎ 4
π
︎ Mar 14 2020
My wife told me, βDonβt stress out if people keep calling you fat...β
..βYou are much bigger than that.β
π︎ 63
π
︎ Jul 24 2019
What do you calling it when your in milk up to you're eybrows
Pasteurize (past your eyes)
π︎ 3
π
︎ Mar 06 2020
An edible pale green seed of an Asian tree is very very angry with you for calling him a nut.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Jan 11 2020
Thanks for calling the predatory animal lifting agency. Weβll be with you in a minute...
π︎ 6
π
︎ Apr 18 2019
βI told you Doc!! Iβve got fatigue and my heart keeps skipping a beat! Why do you keep calling me a liar??
Doctor: βSir, Iβll say it again, thatβs A Fib!β
Sorry, Itβs not a good hearted joke.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Sep 26 2019
*Tells 3-4 dad jokes. Follows up with:* You can just start calling me butter... cause Iβm on a roll!!
π︎ 10
π
︎ Mar 23 2018
Did you hear what Aerosmith is calling their new restaurant chain?
π︎ 19
π
︎ Dec 01 2013
Calling asleep you say?
I was just texting my girlfriend and I was telling her I didn't want to fall asleep on her just yet. (Long distance Relationship).
Her: "And it's ok if you call asleep."
Me: "I'm not sure if I can call asleep. They are never awake!"
She wasn't amused.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Feb 11 2015
What do you call a man with no arms or legs in the middle of the ocean?
π︎ 760
π
︎ Sep 18 2021
What do you call a cow in an earthquake?
π︎ 5k
π
︎ Sep 04 2021
What do you call someone who tells dad jokes but isn't a dad?
π︎ 5k
π
︎ Sep 01 2021
What do you call an anti-vax nannie?
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Sep 13 2021
What do you call a tiny mother
π︎ 6k
π
︎ Aug 31 2021
What do you call the cross between a cow and a whale?
Beef whaleington.
Thought of this one last night
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Aug 24 2021
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs on a doorstep?
π︎ 412
π
︎ Sep 06 2021
What do you call a Police offer in bed?
π︎ 1k
π
︎ Aug 30 2021
What do you call a a cow with no legs
π︎ 182
π
︎ Sep 21 2021
What do you call it when Muhammad Ali farts?
π︎ 222
π
︎ Sep 20 2021
What do you call a blood sucking tax specialist?
π︎ 360
π
︎ Sep 16 2021
What do you call a Gay person on fire?
π︎ 631
π
︎ Aug 11 2021
What do you call a line of men waiting to get haircuts?
A barberqueue.
But if theyβre walking backwards theyβre a receding hair line.
π︎ 758
π
︎ Sep 08 2021
What do you call a dog with no legs?
You can call him what you like but he won't come running
π︎ 451
π
︎ Sep 01 2021
What do you call an apology written in dots and dashes
π︎ 80
π
︎ Sep 21 2021
What do you call a can opener that doesn't work?
π︎ 146
π
︎ Sep 21 2021
What do you call a hippie's wife?
π︎ 334
π
︎ Sep 16 2021
What do you call a Spanish cow that's really hot
π︎ 694
π
︎ Aug 29 2021
What do you call samurai who is running away?
Ronin. (Yeah, sorry i am new to this..)
π︎ 352
π
︎ Aug 29 2021
What do you call a boat for couples...
π︎ 392
π
︎ Aug 31 2021
What do you call a one-legged hippo?
π︎ 171
π
︎ Sep 16 2021
What do you call a dinosaur traffic jam?
π︎ 381
π
︎ Aug 30 2021
What do you call two monkeys that share an Amazon account?
π︎ 539
π
︎ Sep 04 2021
What do you call it when a blonde does a mistake?
π︎ 100
π
︎ Sep 10 2021
Playing minecraft with my son and this one just came to me: What do you call a baby axolotl?
π︎ 414
π
︎ Sep 07 2021
What do you call a boat driven by super intelligent people
π︎ 775
π
︎ Aug 23 2021
What do you call a man with no shins?
π︎ 68
π
︎ Sep 18 2021
What do you call three trees standing together?
π︎ 491
π
︎ Aug 06 2021
What do you call a crowd of chess players bragging about their wins in a hotel lobby?
Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.
π︎ 787
π
︎ Aug 02 2021
What do you call a mutilated French military leader?
π︎ 29
π
︎ Sep 16 2021
What do you call a chicken that tells jokes?
π︎ 47
π
︎ Sep 08 2021
What do you call a three eyed tiger?
π︎ 724
π
︎ Aug 10 2021
What do you call a pencil with a eraser at each end
π︎ 55
π
︎ Sep 15 2021
What do you call poultry staring at a lettuce?
π︎ 50
π
︎ Sep 22 2021
What do you call a mom who turns into a dad?
Transparent
(sorry it sucks, it's like 2:30 in the morning right now and I haven't slept)
(Edit: holy shit! I wasn't expecting this to get so many upvotes. Also thanks for the awards guys, I really appreciate it!)
π︎ 8k
π
︎ Jun 12 2021
What do you call a helicopter with the mange?
π︎ 34
π
︎ Sep 20 2021
What do you call your average ancient Greek?
π︎ 111
π
︎ Sep 08 2021
What do you call the research and development in the berry industry?
π︎ 75
π
︎ Sep 11 2021
What do you call a man who was sent to court for stealing quilts?
π︎ 18
π
︎ Sep 16 2021
What do you call a Gladiator that just lost a fight?
π︎ 13
π
︎ Sep 20 2021
What do you call an Italian linguist?
π︎ 10
π
︎ Sep 10 2021
What do you call someone who is ignorant and apathetic?
I don't know, and I don't care...
π︎ 17
π
︎ Sep 21 2021
What do you call a bathroom themed superhero?
π︎ 24
π
︎ Sep 11 2021
What do you call an airplane full of bald people?
π︎ 234
π
︎ Aug 19 2021
What do you call a man with no arms or legs in a hole?
π︎ 5k
π
︎ Jun 30 2021
What do you call a line of men waiting to get haircuts?
π︎ 194
π
︎ Sep 18 2021
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the ocean
π︎ 42
π
︎ Aug 29 2021
What do you call a guy that isn't a dad but tells dad jokes?
π︎ 51
π
︎ Sep 17 2021
What do you call a man with no shins?
π︎ 33
π
︎ Sep 10 2021
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