Her: "Good, I'm really tired of the current situation."
... I laughed so hard. She didn't get it.
You stick your foot out
I put this in the wrong sub reddit so I've reposted this to dad jokes
Hello reddit
I'm looking for quick easy and simple dad jokes I can say to strangers and make them laugh and then keep pushing trolleys.
I'm a trolley pusher and when I'm at work saying "Gday mate how are you" is getting bland I try and get the random customers to say "I'm all right" which then I respond "your not all right you also half left" it tends to make people smile and laugh.
Are there any there any other fun and simple to engage dad jokes out there?
http://imgur.com/9gYByKd
I'd call it "The Bait and Switch"
No one would re-fuse that!
- Said by my brother-in-law to my uncle before Christmas dinner.
It was shocking at first.
I concluded something supernatural was to blame. Perhaps a Voltergeist.
Wife: our relationship is over.
Me: our relationship is what? Over.
Ground him until he conducts himself properly.
Edit: Thanks for the upvolts and awards. Gotta go, my son just flipped a breaker!
He replied, "Well, stop going to those places then!"
It doesn’t have any good ice breakers
A law breaker. (Yet another joke my son told me. Im pretty sure he's a dad stuck in a child's body)
I told him, "you shouldn't trip over a breaker...
It's a real turn off."
He was not amused.
I'm a record-breaking record breaker!
The captain was nervous and needed an ice breaker
It was a good ice breaker in the retrospect.
My dad then proceeded to say "Asia!" Of course we were confused so then he said "What? I thought we were naming continents."
The third friend is the Thai breaker.
I find that it's a great ice breaker
It think it wasn’t that good ice breaker.
It’s a hell of an ice breaker
Mum gave me these for my first day of college. It was a good ice breaker. It's a tin of 50 peppermint mints from Aldi called CompliMints:
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/312284189422649355/623564249452642315/20190917_175833.jpg
It's a good ice-breaker.
The Englishman and Cowboy were tied in a contest of who was better, when the crowd decided that, as a tie breaker, they were to perform a live poem and incorporate the words "Hunting" and "Timbuktu."
The Englishman went first:
"The hunting is always grand, When in search of good land. Off in the caravan we pursue, Looking, for Timbuktu."
The crowd went wild, knowing that the cowboy couldn't win the contest, the Englishmans poem was just too good. He smiled as well, and stood aside for the cowboy.
The cowboy paused for a moment as if remembering something, then recited:
"Well it was Tim and I, off huntin we went, When I spied three women in a tent. I motioned to Tim, and he saw them too, Then I bucked one, and Timbuktu."
I guess you could say it wasn't a very effective ice breaker.
It came down to a tie-breaker!
This won’t work if they say theirs is Titanic
It’s a horrible ice breaker
My friend Sarah and I were tossing up between Indian and Thai. We called her boyfriend Sam to see if he would like takeaway. He can't have shellfish so Thai is a no.
Sarah: "we're trying to decide if we should get Thai or Indian. Do you want take out because if you do, we will get curry but if not, we will get Thai for us."
Me: "you're the tie-breaker."
Post LL and PSN. We are attempting checkpoint but it's not a deal breaker if we can't get it
Its a good wind breaker
We're hanging a circuit breaker panel, me and the old Daddio.
Dad: Cut me a scrap of that flooring for a spacer. Three and a half inches thick so I can nail it to this stud.
Me: Sure. How long do you need it?
Dad: Oh... we're probably gonna need it for as long as the house is here.
