I never knew she was lack-toast intolerant.
It burns calories.
To bread! Because without bread, there would be no toast.
My wife just now, relaxing after we got the kids to sleep: Do we have any toast?
Me: No, but we have bread!
Wife: 😐 *silence*
Me: I'll just see myself out. *laughing all the way to the pantry*
The zookeeper said it was bread in captivity.
20,000lb of frozen bread so clearly I'm loafing along and a gluten for punishment.
Bad puns are the yeast of my problems. This load takes me to the upper crust, but if I don't get it in on time I'm toast!
Sorry about my rye sense of humor...
But making it is such a pain
I worked at a restaurant years ago.
Me: Would you like some complementary bread while you look over our menu?
Husband: Is it well bread?
Me: It's pure bread.
The wife rolled her eyes. The husband and I smiled.
That guy who stole my bread is toast! He butter be able to run fast! Need more bread related puns, much appreciated boys.
I asked the keeper, “How did that toast get into the cage?”
She replied, “It was bread in captivity."
So my parents got their occupancy permit, and my dad said "you should pick up a bottle of champagne on the way so your mother and you can celebrate!" I said "I'll bring a bag of bread, so we can have a toast"
Nurse: You are allergic to burnt bread?
Dad: Yes, I’m black toast intolerant.
"Hey dad, I tried that Indian bread you bought."
"Oh yeah? How was it?"
"Good! I tried putting it in the toaster but the top stuck out and didn't get toasted. Really, though, it's a naan issue."
I told her I was going into the kitchen to toast some bread. She raised an imaginary glass and proudly declared
"To the bread!"
"Hey babe, I'm kinda hungry. Can you toast some bread for me?"
raises glass
"To bread!"
I never got my toast.
it was very heartfelt, and had spurts of humour everyone could laugh along with.
Then I finished it with a toast to bread. So many groans. That's how I know they loved it
Me: Your parents should have raised you better Friend: My parents are toast... Me: oh... wait, you mean like bread or dead? Friend: they never understood my because I was breader then them
Context: my family is about to eat dinner, my brother is going to get a ride back to college right after we finish eating. Mom: "I feel like we need a toast or something." Dad: "well we've got some bread right here!"
Counting down to midnight on New Year's Eve, my wife announced to the room to get ready to make a toast to the new year. I asked her if she remembered to bring the bread.
She looked at me puzzled for a second. "Bread?" she asked.
"Yeah, for the toast!" I said.
Her eyes rolled hard. My 15-year-old son laughed hard and told me, "Good one!" before giving me a high-five on it.
Dad walks into the kitchen and asks my sister what she's cooking
Sister: I'm toasting some raisin bread Dad: oh, did we run out of lowering bread? Sister: -_-
So we were engaging in adult sodas last evening, and someone raised their beer and said, "Let's toast!" And I said, "To cooked bread!" The eyerolls were almost audible, but I laughed too hard.
Corporate announcement: "...after the reception there will be cake and champagne toast."
Boss: I've hear of Soda Bread, but how did they make Champagne Toast?
As the family was gathered around the table for Christmas dinner, I asked my dad to make a toast. His response was: "there isn't any bread".
At dinner this evening, discussing the bread we were eating.
Me: I should have toasted mine before I put butter on it.
Dad: Here, I'll toast it for you. Raises glass "Here's to Hatgirl's slice!"
My toast is more about being a vehicle for butter than enjoying the bread.
I asked the keeper, 'How did that toast get into the cage?'
'It was bread in captivity' she replied.
