True story: I sent my dad a picture of the loaf of bread I made witha bread machine. He instantly responded with :
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︎ Jan 25 2021
I found a funny looking loaf of bread in the water...
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︎ Jan 20 2021
I won a loaf a bread today.
I guess that makes me the bread winner of the family.
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︎ Nov 03 2020
I go to the store and buy 2 eggs, a loaf of bread, and some milk. The cashier says βyou must be singleβ and I respond with βhow did you know?β
She responded, β because you are ugly!β
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︎ Jul 31 2020
βBack in the day...β my dad started to say. βYou could walk into a grocery store with $2 in your pocket and walk out with a loaf of bread, a dozen eggs and a bit of butter as well. But today...β he lamented...
βWherever you go, there are those darn cameras!"
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︎ Aug 11 2020
How do you feed 1000 people with one loaf of bread?
You cut the ends and now you have endless bread.
Courtesy of my 12 year old daughter.
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︎ Jul 14 2019
What did the loaf of bread say when the grocery bagger squished it?
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︎ Jul 21 2020
What a courteous loaf of bread!
Thanks, it's been well risen.
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︎ May 05 2020
A baker was preparing the dough for a loaf of his famous bread, while his son watched.
He slid the loaf into the oven to bake. He told his son, βThis bread is for a very special occasion, so Iβm going to make a back-up.β He then plopped an extra loafβs worth of dough onto the table, sliced it into two equal pieces, and immediately put them away. The boy asked, βDad, whyβd you do that?β The baker smiled and told his son, βItβs better to halve it and not knead it.β
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︎ Mar 27 2020
I went to the zoo and all I saw was a single loaf of bread in the middle of one exhibit
The zookeeper told me it was bread in captivity.
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︎ Sep 13 2019
What do bread loafs say to each other when they meet?
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︎ Nov 07 2019
On a loaf of bread I bought
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︎ Jan 04 2019
Every loaf of bread is a tragic reminder of what can happen to grain
if it doesn't become whiskey.
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︎ Nov 15 2019
A wife asked her husband to go to the store and pick up a loaf of bread
βIf they have eggs, get a dozenβ she said. A half hour later, the husband comes home with 12 loaves of bread
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︎ Jul 05 2019
When I was little I saw this kid in my neighborhood dragging around a loaf of bread on a leash. To be funny, I said βHey, you have a beautiful dog!β, he responded,
βThanks, itβs pure bread!β.
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︎ Jun 06 2019
Why does the person putting your groceries in a bag at grocery store always ask where you want your eggs and your loaf of bread?
Because baggers canβt be choosers.
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︎ Aug 03 2018
What do you call a little loaf of bread that you can look up to?
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︎ Aug 25 2019
Local news reports an armed and dangerous loaf of bread:
they say he's packing wheat.
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︎ Jul 31 2019
Why did the loaf of bread jump out of the oven and back onto the counter?
Because it always feels good to be kneaded.
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︎ Jun 23 2019
Last night I baked a loaf of deer bread.
This morning it was sour doe.
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︎ May 08 2019
What does the sun and a loaf of bread have in common?
They both rise in the yeast
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︎ Aug 20 2018
What did the loaf of bread say when he lost everything?
At yeast I have my health!
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︎ Nov 30 2018
All I ate for dinner was a loaf of brown bread.
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︎ Dec 09 2018
I accidentally broke a window while tossing a loaf of stale french bread
What a pain, what a pane, what a pain
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︎ Mar 21 2018
I went to a fancy dress party last week dressed as a loaf of bread.
The birds were all over me.
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︎ Oct 02 2018
You know that crazy story about the baker who attacked a man with a loaf of bread?
I heard it's not all true, so take it with a grain assault
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︎ Mar 12 2018
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︎ Nov 28 2014
I let my wife borrow a loaf of sweet Jewish bread, but she never returned it
Cause she ain't no challah back girl.
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︎ Jun 23 2017
βBack in the day...β my grandfather started to say. βYou could walk into a grocery store with $2 in your pocket and walk out with a loaf of bread, a dozen eggs and a bit of butter as well.β
βBut today...β he continued. βWherever you go, there are cameras...β
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︎ Jun 04 2018
I went to the zoo today and saw a loaf of bread in one of the enclosures
Turns out it was bread in captivity
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︎ Mar 30 2019
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