My mom has 3 kids. My brother was born a gas, my sister a liquid and I am a solid. Yesterday my mom looked upset so I asked her what was wrong. She said "I'm pregnant"

So I said "Okay, what's the matter?"

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Feerkat
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2021
🚨︎ report
My son was just born and another dad at the hospital congratulated me and said his daughter was born yesterday.

He said, "Maybe they'll marry each other?"

"Sure, like my son is going to marry someone twice his age."

πŸ‘︎ 659
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife and I recently had a child on accident. We didn't want a child at all as we are rather young and wanted to wait a few years. He was born yesterday at the whopping weight of 8 kilos.

We've made a massive mistake

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/oxygenatedair66
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2020
🚨︎ report
To wife: Of course she knows it's a new year, she wasn't born yesterday!

Daughter was born at 8:08am yesterday. 7lbs, 1oz, 20" long. Dad, Mom and baby are doing great! Image

Edit - link formatting
Edit - My wife thinks the pic makes it look like she gave birth to Mother Teresa

πŸ‘︎ 37
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ChaoticFather
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2018
🚨︎ report
My third son was born yesterday morning, 3 weeks early.

The nurse, my wife, and my mom discussing how he "came so early"

I interject with "I guess you could say he has a problem with, premature evacuation"

To my surprise they all actually laughed hard.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/a_little_too_late
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2014
🚨︎ report
Showing my dad a picture of a family friend's baby that was born yesterday

I showed my dad a photo of a family's friend's newborn baby as it was getting its feet inked to take its prints.

Dad: "Pretty dirty feet for a newborn."

Me: "..."

Dad: "Don't worry. You'll get it soon; and then, you'll laugh."

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tigrar
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2013
🚨︎ report
Your cousin was born yesterday...

Me: I was surprised to look on Facebook to see how many people I know were born on Christmas Day.

Mom: Well, your cousin was born yesterday.

Dad: No, she was born 19 years ago.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rob1285
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2014
🚨︎ report
Why can't you fool an aborted fetus?

Beacuse it wasn't born yesterday.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/a_L_v_e_S
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2021
🚨︎ report
It’s my birthday today.

I wasn’t born yesterday.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/clifwith1f
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Why can't you fool a 2 day old baby?

They weren't born yesterday

πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zap9219
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2019
🚨︎ report
I tried to steal candy from a newborn baby.

He slapped my hand away. Turns out he wasn't born yesterday.

πŸ‘︎ 806
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JohnnyCenter
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2018
🚨︎ report
Why can't a newborn be fooled?

Because he wasn't born yesterday

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/El_MrPits
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2018
🚨︎ report
Babies born March 31st are the easiest to prank on April Fool’s

They were literally born yesterday!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/36chambersoffun
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2019
🚨︎ report
My first dad joke as a new father!

I was with my wife in the hospital after the birth of my first child.

Wife: It's crazy how she knows to suck on my boobies for food.

Me: Of course she knows. She wasn't born yesterday!

She shook her head and stopped talking to me. I have succeeded.

πŸ‘︎ 420
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CleanFlow
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2016
🚨︎ report
My newborn just got her Hep-B shot

The nurse said she barely made a peep. She's such a relaxed baby she'll trick us into having another.

It'll take more than that to outsmart me, baby. Only one of us was born yesterday

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/doubleyuhtee
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2018
🚨︎ report
The award for the best dadjokes 2018 goes to...

… u/ebkbk for this post: Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian. made on 24.11. with 38.9k upvotes

[also already made by u/Tface on 25.03. for 16.9k upvotes]

Let's move on to the top 3 of each month:

January:

  1. Is this sub still active? by u/I_Fart_Liquids on 01.01. with 36.4k upvotes

  2. Gonorrhea would have been a great name for diarrhea medicine by u/daugarten on 20.01. with 30.8k upvotes

  3. An open letter to the mods of r/dadjokes: by u/Alfie_13 on 27.01. with 18.9k upvotes

February:

  1. Was watching Star Wars with my daughter. She asked why Luke was climbing inside a Tauntaun, I said to keep warm. by u/jakeisbill on 05.02. for 20.3k upvotes

  2. My daughter asked me what I'm posting on Reddit... by u/madazzahatter on 25.02. for 18.3k upvotes

  3. When a woman is giving birth, she is literally kidding. by u/ownworldman on 23.02. for 17.7k upvotes

March:

  1. I got an e-mail saying, "At Google Earth, we can read maps backwards!" and I thought... by u/madazzahatter on 21.03. for 22.2k upvotes

  2. Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. by u/Tface on 25.03. for 16.9k upvotes.

  3. [When I reach home, my 1.5 y.o. son rushes out to the gate to sit in my lap while I park the car. Then he just grabs the steering and starts shaking it with brrrmmm brrrmmm sound. His cute antics always make me forget that he's suffering from a rare disease.](https://www.reddit.com/r/da

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Skormes
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2019
🚨︎ report
One of the tree on our construction site seems dead but keeps coming back to life

This has happened a few times. So yesterday on a conference call my boss mentions that this tree thinks he's either a cat with 9 lives or Jesus christ. I start laughing hysterically because in my head all I can think of is treesus christ.

My second child will be born in 2 weeks. I'm ultimate dad now.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TurtleCatJr
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2018
🚨︎ report
My Dad caught me off guard yesterday

Yesterday I was trying to explain the birthday paradox to my dad, which states that in a group of 23 people, there's a 50% chance of two of them having the same birthday.

Me: "the reason why two people probably have the same birthday is really complicated math."

Dad: "I already know why."

Me: "oh? Why?"

Dad: "because they were born on the same day."

πŸ‘︎ 127
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/joyfulmastermind
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2014
🚨︎ report
You can convince my son of anything

He was born yesterday!

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bdfariello
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2017
🚨︎ report
She's too mature for that kind of joke. [True story]

On Tuesday I asked my daughter a silly question. She looked at me funny and I asked, "What? Were you born yesterday?" Baby girl was born Monday. I wore that prideful grin while my wife groaned. But now... my sweet baby's outgrown the joke :(

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/timeshaper
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2016
🚨︎ report
Crybaby

I am saving this picture for when my daughter eventually says "no duh, Dad! I wasn't born yesterday."

"You're right. Here is a picture on Reddit from when you were born yesterday!"

http://imgur.com/3jximZ6

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/smellslikecocaine
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2016
🚨︎ report
My son was just born and another dad at the nursery congratulated me and said his daughter was born yesterday… said maybe they'll marry eachother.

Sure, like my son is going to marry someone twice his age...

πŸ‘︎ 16k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CulturedGrass
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2019
🚨︎ report
My son was just born(!) and another dad at the nursery congratulated me and said his daughter was born yesterday… said maybe they'll marry eachother.

Sure, like my son is going to marry someone twice his age...

πŸ‘︎ 24k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Nachbar
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2018
🚨︎ report
My son is really easy to trick.

He was born yesterday.

πŸ‘︎ 64
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bearjew60
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2017
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.