A list of puns related to "Born Yesterday"
So I said "Okay, what's the matter?"
He said, "Maybe they'll marry each other?"
"Sure, like my son is going to marry someone twice his age."
We've made a massive mistake
Daughter was born at 8:08am yesterday. 7lbs, 1oz, 20" long. Dad, Mom and baby are doing great! Image
Edit - link formatting
Edit - My wife thinks the pic makes it look like she gave birth to Mother Teresa
The nurse, my wife, and my mom discussing how he "came so early"
I interject with "I guess you could say he has a problem with, premature evacuation"
To my surprise they all actually laughed hard.
I showed my dad a photo of a family's friend's newborn baby as it was getting its feet inked to take its prints.
Dad: "Pretty dirty feet for a newborn."
Me: "..."
Dad: "Don't worry. You'll get it soon; and then, you'll laugh."
Me: I was surprised to look on Facebook to see how many people I know were born on Christmas Day.
Mom: Well, your cousin was born yesterday.
Dad: No, she was born 19 years ago.
Beacuse it wasn't born yesterday.
I wasnβt born yesterday.
They weren't born yesterday
He slapped my hand away. Turns out he wasn't born yesterday.
Because he wasn't born yesterday
They were literally born yesterday!
I was with my wife in the hospital after the birth of my first child.
Wife: It's crazy how she knows to suck on my boobies for food.
Me: Of course she knows. She wasn't born yesterday!
She shook her head and stopped talking to me. I have succeeded.
The nurse said she barely made a peep. She's such a relaxed baby she'll trick us into having another.
It'll take more than that to outsmart me, baby. Only one of us was born yesterday
β¦ u/ebkbk for this post: Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian. made on 24.11. with 38.9k upvotes
[also already made by u/Tface on 25.03. for 16.9k upvotes]
Let's move on to the top 3 of each month:
January:
Is this sub still active? by u/I_Fart_Liquids on 01.01. with 36.4k upvotes
Gonorrhea would have been a great name for diarrhea medicine by u/daugarten on 20.01. with 30.8k upvotes
An open letter to the mods of r/dadjokes: by u/Alfie_13 on 27.01. with 18.9k upvotes
February:
Was watching Star Wars with my daughter. She asked why Luke was climbing inside a Tauntaun, I said to keep warm. by u/jakeisbill on 05.02. for 20.3k upvotes
My daughter asked me what I'm posting on Reddit... by u/madazzahatter on 25.02. for 18.3k upvotes
When a woman is giving birth, she is literally kidding. by u/ownworldman on 23.02. for 17.7k upvotes
March:
I got an e-mail saying, "At Google Earth, we can read maps backwards!" and I thought... by u/madazzahatter on 21.03. for 22.2k upvotes
Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. by u/Tface on 25.03. for 16.9k upvotes.
[When I reach home, my 1.5 y.o. son rushes out to the gate to sit in my lap while I park the car. Then he just grabs the steering and starts shaking it with brrrmmm brrrmmm sound. His cute antics always make me forget that he's suffering from a rare disease.](https://www.reddit.com/r/da
This has happened a few times. So yesterday on a conference call my boss mentions that this tree thinks he's either a cat with 9 lives or Jesus christ. I start laughing hysterically because in my head all I can think of is treesus christ.
My second child will be born in 2 weeks. I'm ultimate dad now.
Yesterday I was trying to explain the birthday paradox to my dad, which states that in a group of 23 people, there's a 50% chance of two of them having the same birthday.
Me: "the reason why two people probably have the same birthday is really complicated math."
Dad: "I already know why."
Me: "oh? Why?"
Dad: "because they were born on the same day."
He was born yesterday!
On Tuesday I asked my daughter a silly question. She looked at me funny and I asked, "What? Were you born yesterday?" Baby girl was born Monday. I wore that prideful grin while my wife groaned. But now... my sweet baby's outgrown the joke :(
I am saving this picture for when my daughter eventually says "no duh, Dad! I wasn't born yesterday."
"You're right. Here is a picture on Reddit from when you were born yesterday!"
http://imgur.com/3jximZ6
Sure, like my son is going to marry someone twice his age...
Sure, like my son is going to marry someone twice his age...
He was born yesterday.
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