Blind Dating Puns

She’s got an amazing personality but she’s not much of a looker.

You never have to worry about her seeing anyone else

Never met herbivore.

I felt like a right idiot sitting in a bar wearing nothing but a diaper.

He’ll have a hard time seeing other people.

I thought it was the best way to a tractor

He told me, "Heads up, she's expecting a baby". Well let me tell you, I felt stupid sitting there in the bar wearing just a diaper.

Not being able to see

Turns out I'm more into curtains.

That way, you can make sure they’re not some weirdo who reads /r/dadjokes.

I shutter to think of the possibilities with her!

... ... ......

I was looking for love in Alderaan places!

She didn't see it coming.

He said, "oh yeah, was it from birth or did she get in some sort of accident?"

After I took a few seconds to process that, I let out the biggest groan in history. I could feel his smirk through the phone

How'd you find the car?

Husband: She kept hitting her head on the roof of my car. Me: What? Husband: Yeah, she couldn't see where she was going. Me: -_-

which was my 40th birthday. The BIG Four Oh! As in "Oh, you're 40 and not married? What's wrong with you?"

And my friends, as awesome as they are, kept setting me up on blind dates, but I never seemed to click with any of the women. Pretty women, short women, tall women, rough women, successful women, lazy women - I dated them all and more often than not, they just weren't interested in me.

I think I probably went on twenty or so dates that never resulted in a a single follow up date.

But two months before my birthday, I started dating two women and both fledgling relationships seemed like they were going somewhere as they were getting really, really serious. I couldn't choose one, but I didn't care. I just couldn't believe they were into me. Okay, maybe they weren't the best looking, but I was so desperate for a wife, and I'm definitely no prize myself.

With a few weeks to go before my birthday, I knew I had to act if I had any hope of being married. I bought two rings and proposed to them both (on separate nights, of course) and they both said no. In fact, though they never knew of each other, I went from two good things to both of them not returning my calls. I guess proposing in a mall food court (for Jenny) or down on my knees in front of the bathroom at a minor league baseball game (Susan) were not my best laid plans, doomed to fail. Or maybe I just reeked of desperation.

So the morning of my birthday, I was practically in tears, deep in depression as I knew I missed my deadline. But my friends came though, kind of. They took me out bar hopping and then we all went back to my place where they had a stripper waiting in my favorite chair. She got up, sat me down, and gave me a grinding lap dance. She said nothing, but after a minute, stopped, turned around, looked me in the eye and said "one." Then she started up again, stopped after a minute, turned around and said "two..."

This went on all night until she got to "forty."

It's been a few months now, and I'm not too sad. My friends really tried to get me married, and after two near mrs, I guess it was the thot that counts.

It’s all blind dates...

It's gonna be a blind date

There were to many blind dates

"So I got set up with a blind date on Wednesday"

"Well can she at least hear?"

I felt like such an idiot sitting in the bar wearing just a nappy...