My best friend gave me this today because I'm obsessed with pigs & it is the best card I've ever gotten. reddit.com/gallery/lkaalp
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cadaverkitten94
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2021
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The mayor in my city just passed law that male best friends have to have lunch together at least once a week

Well it’s not a law it’s a mandate

πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/justin_true_10
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
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Texas weather is making my best friend hilarious
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/candyheyn
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2021
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Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.

Inside of a dog, it's much too dark to read.

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/antiviolins
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2021
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My best friend is a monkey.

He’s my prime mate.

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rockytopbilly
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2021
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Who's the best friend of a french mechanic?

Alain Qui

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2021
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I went to my best friend's wedding today. He is an awesome fisher. I like him a lot and always come with the finest catch.

But something is very fishy with his new betrouthed.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bloodoolf
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2021
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Why are dogs man's best friend?

They stay by your side when things get Ruff-Ruff.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rhshi14
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2021
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Curse the creator of autocorrect! I asked my friend what the best shampoo to use was, and he replied β€œPanettone”.

That was last Tuesday, and I still haven’t got all the crumbs out of my hair.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Manpag
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2021
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What does a skeleton call his best friend?

His bone ami.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nyaasa14
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
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10 years ago I married my best friend

Our wives are still mad about it but we were drunk and thought it was funny

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sam_horvacraft
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2020
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Wanting to impress my son at the zoo today, I revealed to him, "Used to be best friends with a giraffe, but we had a falling out." Puzzled, he asked, "What happened?" I shook my head, "I don't know really, but I felt..."

"He was always looking down on me!"

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2021
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My best friend is allergic to certain herbs.

I'm afraid it's just a matter of thyme...

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Melomanu
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
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Three years ago I married my best friend...

My girlfriend was angry but Dave and I thought it was hilarious!

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/trendfoll
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
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One of my friends asked "what's the best way to cook an alligator?"

I said, "in a croc pot".

πŸ‘︎ 147
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πŸ‘€︎ u/uhavethebiggay
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2020
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What did chewy spray on his best friend after he climbed out of the trash compactor?

Han sanitizer

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JCokeDaKilla
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
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My best friend is Korean

He is my Seoul mate.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/adamfloyd1506
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
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Best Friend: β€œWhy aren’t you dating anyone?” Me: β€œCall Me John”

β€œCause I ain’t Cena girl worth my time yet”

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FlintTheDad
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
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How do you call when a person kills his best friend?

A homiecide

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kerbal40
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
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When I was 8 years old my best friend died from a velcro accident.

RIP

πŸ‘︎ 176
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thedrivingcat
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
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People ask me why my best friend is a mushroom

I always tell them because he's a fungi

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jmar4234
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2020
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5 years ago today I asked my childhood sweetheart, my best friend, and the most beautiful woman in the world to marry me.

All 3 said No!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chandan_2294
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
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My friend from Paris was the best man at the wedding of a Belgian waffle heir and a Swedish pancake tycoon, but wasn’t allowed to give a speech at the reception.

They knew he’d give a French toast, and they said it wasn’t worth the pain.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/i-kant_even
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
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One of my best friends had her 50th birthday today and I told her β€œmy next ones will only last 50 seconds!” She said, β€œReally?”

And, I said β€œYes, because it will be my 52nd birthday!”

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VolensEtValens
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
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My best friend said they had an exam that was a piece of cake

Then I got confused because I only saw questions about pi

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
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I said to my best friend ’The words can’t describe how beautiful you are!

But numbers can. 7/10’(stolen from r/memes)

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ibrohm
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2020
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When I go for a walk with my best friend, he can’t help but stop and pet every animal he sees. He just thinks they’re so adorable!

He has awwtism.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pippingigi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2020
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My best friend has a good eye for dad jokes...

But the jokes couldn’t be any cornea.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/azzawith2zs
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2020
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Doesn't he need to change? I bet his best friend's name is penny.
πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/puffskeleton
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2020
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My best friend's bakery burned down last night.

Now his business is toast.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ashwynee
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
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During his wedding, my friend told me that I was the worst best man he has ever seen.

I was speechless.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2020
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You know why gamers make the best friends?

Because they always level with you.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheSinkingShit
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
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My best friend quit sailing recently

Not long after, he took up drowning

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/billbixbyakahulk
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
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Why couldn't Harry Potter tell the difference between his cookpot and his best friend?

They are both cauldron.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/death-to-turtles
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2020
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They say one in four people are homosexual, which is weird because I have three best friends, all guys. Makes me wonder which one of us would be gay.

I hope It's Paul. He's cute.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ENJOYblet
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2018
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My best friend made me some cookies the other day. "Wow, did you make them yourself?"

"Yeah," He responded

"They're Homie made."

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Burning_Toast998
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2020
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I showed my friend my pond, including the best fishing spots and the place where the bank drops off...

I wish the First National would stop sending their packages to my pond's address...

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2020
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My best friend growing up is a famous author of marine life books now.

He's mostly known for his polyp fiction.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2020
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My best friend lives in Prague and is a real chess enthusiast.

I call him my Czech mate.

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zedhead0628
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the sniper say when asked why he couldn't kill his target when he realized it was his long lost best friend?

"I really missed him."

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stevehrowe2
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2020
🚨︎ report
I got my best friend a fridge for her birthday

I can’t wait to see her face light up when she opens it.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cancervixen831
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2018
🚨︎ report
At my best friends house
πŸ‘︎ 88
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πŸ‘€︎ u/unlikely_lurk
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2020
🚨︎ report
I went to a cannibal wedding. The Groom toasted the bridesmaids, The best man toasted the Bride and Groom and the father of the Bride toasted absent friends.....

It was one hell of a barbecue.

πŸ‘︎ 138
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cwwspurs
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I interrupted my friend when he said he had the best egg puns saying...

I’m really happy for you Omelette you finish, but I have the best egg puns around

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2020
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A friend told me the Russians are best at racing.

I knew that was nonsense. People from Finland always Finnish first.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Manggg1
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I got into an argument with a friend about what the best medieval weapon was. I said the Warhammer, he said the Mace. It got so heated we are currently not speaking to each other...

Talk about blunt force drama.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/UltimaBahamut93
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2020
🚨︎ report
My best friend just got dumped by his girlfriend in the YMCA...

Seems like their relationship isn't gonna workout

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/beebeepsheep
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

(credit: Groucho Marx)

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/4-8Newday
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Outside of a dog, a man’s best friend is a book.

Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/02K30C1
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2020
🚨︎ report
WHO is China's best friend..
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dontfuckthots
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2020
🚨︎ report

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