A couple is sitting in the living room drinking beer

Out of the blue the husband says, β€œ I love you”

β€œ Is that you or the beer talking” asks the wife

β€œIt’s me” says the husband β€œtalking to the Beer”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyfortaco
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
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My friend thinks drinking beer makes him more intelligent.

I don’t think that makes my Budweiser.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
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Drinking American beer is the same as having sex on a canoe.

It’s f*cking close to water.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/robindc_93
πŸ“…︎ Feb 29 2020
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I told my friend to stop drinking beer.

I caught him drinking yesterday! I guess he was none the Budweiser...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kranchers
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2020
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Pavlov is sitting at the bar, drinking a beer, when suddenly the phone rings. β€œOh shit!” he yells, jumping off the stool.

β€œI forgot to feed the dog!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Konamicoder
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2020
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What do you call a half dozen wolves drinking beer?

A six pack.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tyrannosaur85
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2020
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You’ve been drinking beer haven’t you? I smell it on your breath.

No, I’ve been eating frogs’ legs...what you smell is the hops.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/coadnamedalex
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2019
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I was drinking some shitty beer and decided to put two t’s in it.

It became better.

πŸ‘︎ 59
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2018
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Just caught my dog drinking a beer at my computer.

No idea how she got a Wolfenstein.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wyllyam1111
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2019
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"You just quit smoking, now you're drinking beer every day"

I need at least one weiss.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wilhelms_cream88
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2018
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Drinking beer kills brain cells

But smoking Bud makes you W(e)iser.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FUCKYOUIMQUEER
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2018
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I was drinking a beer with my dad

Then after taking a sip, he said "this beer is incredible, you put it in your mouth, and then it dissappears! ".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DutchDrummer
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2016
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Was giving my wife a massage and drinking a beer

I told her she was getting a Rub and Chug... She promptly ended the massage.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SoNotCool
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2016
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What kind of beer does a vampire drink?

Bloodweiser

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Felix-the-Bear
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
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What happens when you drink beer from a cup?

You both get drunk.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/supersam1434
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
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What kind of beer does a redhead drink?

Ginger ale

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kirtok1337
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2020
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When you drink beer you get pissed.

When you pee the next day, the beer gets pissed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jlionbad
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2020
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What beer does everyone at the orphanage drink?

Foster's

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πŸ‘€︎ u/doktorstrange7
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2019
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I tried to give the guy who came to clean our septic tank out a beer. He said, β€œI’m not the type of guy who drinks on the job.”

I said, β€œYeah, you wouldn’t want you’re boss to catch you shit faced.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gun_God
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2020
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My Dad told me why Busch is the only brand of beer he ever drinks...

"It's the only beer that says it's name when you open it."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/spacegeese
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2019
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I invented a revolutionary new kind of beer. The bursting of the CO2 bubbles once the bottle is open can actually filter the air around you as you drink.

I call it the HEPA-weizen.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ErockLobster
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2019
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A Scottish piece of copper wire walks into a bar, and his friend challenges him to drink a pint of beer in under 2 seconds. He responds...

I conduit

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jman2600
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2019
🚨︎ report
I don’t drink cheap beer anymore.

Those days are in the Pabst.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/confusedKT
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2019
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What kind of beer do Canadians drink?

IP-eh

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rhianc
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2019
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When I was in college, I used to drink beer in my underwear.

Now I use a glass.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2018
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What beer does a German Pope drink?

Papst Blue Ribbon

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Herks108
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2018
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A Jewish beer company released a drink for men

It's called Hebrew

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πŸ‘€︎ u/I_love_420
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2016
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What kind of beer does a lumberjack drink?

Lagers

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Keauxbi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2018
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Why couldn't the musical note drink his beer?

Because he was A minor.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GuyRichard
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2016
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What is the smartest amount of beer you can drink?

Ein Stein!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Onoj88
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2015
🚨︎ report
Reddit Obligations:

I don't have any original material at the moment, but the obligations are still there. So I present the following:

How do you get a baby satellite to sleep? You rocket!

Why was Peter Pan always flying? Because he Neverlands.

It takes guts to be an organ donor.

Eggs don't tell jokes because they always crack up.

What's a tree's favorite drink? Root beer!

What do you call a cow with 2 legs? Lean beef

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef

What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn't matter, he still won't come

Where do you find a dog with no legs? Right where you left him.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bross-Hog
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2020
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My son drank his first beer

He didn’t like it. I told him he should drink two cups of tea before he drinks a beer, because two teas make beer better.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/iliveinyreyes
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2020
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My son turned 21 today and as we were about to share our first drink together, I wisely advised him, "Remember, vodka may not be the answer..."

"...but it’s worth a shot."

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2019
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A man and a woman are at a bar

A man and a woman are sitting in a bar. After some time, the woman notices that the man has not looked in her direction once. Curious, she asks the man if he would like to buy her a drink.

Playing coy the man responds, "Ma'am, you are beautiful indeed, but are you talented as well?"

Feeling flirty, the woman takes a cherry from the bar and puts it in her mouth, stem and all. Within seconds she swallows the cherry, spits out the seed, and reveals the stem, tied in a perfect knot.

The man chuckles. Without another word he picks up a cherry and pulls off the stem. He puts the stem in his mouth, and pounds the rest of his beer in one gulp, revealing and empty mouth to the woman.

Perplexed, the woman asks, "Is that supposed to impress me?"

Confidently, the man replies, "Indeed I do believe it will."

She laughs and says, "It will? Are you shitting me?"

He responds, "I shit you knot."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MadeToDisagree
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2020
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Somebody should market a beer called β€œOccasionally”.

So when asked, I can say, β€œI only drink occasionally”.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2018
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These are the soda puns I like.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RayDosson
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2018
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I don't put an orange in my beer often

Except maybe once in a Blue Moon

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hastings43
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2017
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I need a pun

Idk if this fits this sub, but I'm planning a Halloween costume and just need a punny name for it.

I'm going to wear timberland boots, camo cargo pants, an olive/brown/green/earth t-shirt, aviator sunglasses, and get a beer bandolier.

I need a solider/army/military + beer/alcohol/drinking pun to name the costume. Any suggestions?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lcg32195
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2019
🚨︎ report

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