Out of the blue the husband says, “ I love you”
“ Is that you or the beer talking” asks the wife
“It’s me” says the husband “talking to the Beer”
I don’t think that makes my Budweiser.
It’s f*cking close to water.
I caught him drinking yesterday! I guess he was none the Budweiser...
“I forgot to feed the dog!”
A six pack.
No, I’ve been eating frogs’ legs...what you smell is the hops.
It became better.
No idea how she got a Wolfenstein.
I need at least one weiss.
But smoking Bud makes you W(e)iser.
Then after taking a sip, he said "this beer is incredible, you put it in your mouth, and then it dissappears! ".
I told her she was getting a Rub and Chug... She promptly ended the massage.
Bloodweiser
You both get drunk.
When you pee the next day, the beer gets pissed.
Foster's
I said, “Yeah, you wouldn’t want you’re boss to catch you shit faced.”
"It's the only beer that says it's name when you open it."
I call it the HEPA-weizen.
I conduit
Those days are in the Pabst.
Now I use a glass.
Papst Blue Ribbon
It's called Hebrew
Because he was A minor.
Ein Stein!
I don't have any original material at the moment, but the obligations are still there. So I present the following:
How do you get a baby satellite to sleep? You rocket!
Why was Peter Pan always flying? Because he Neverlands.
It takes guts to be an organ donor.
Eggs don't tell jokes because they always crack up.
What's a tree's favorite drink? Root beer!
What do you call a cow with 2 legs? Lean beef
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef
What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn't matter, he still won't come
Where do you find a dog with no legs? Right where you left him.
He didn’t like it. I told him he should drink two cups of tea before he drinks a beer, because two teas make beer better.
"...but it’s worth a shot."
A man and a woman are sitting in a bar. After some time, the woman notices that the man has not looked in her direction once. Curious, she asks the man if he would like to buy her a drink.
Playing coy the man responds, "Ma'am, you are beautiful indeed, but are you talented as well?"
Feeling flirty, the woman takes a cherry from the bar and puts it in her mouth, stem and all. Within seconds she swallows the cherry, spits out the seed, and reveals the stem, tied in a perfect knot.
The man chuckles. Without another word he picks up a cherry and pulls off the stem. He puts the stem in his mouth, and pounds the rest of his beer in one gulp, revealing and empty mouth to the woman.
Perplexed, the woman asks, "Is that supposed to impress me?"
Confidently, the man replies, "Indeed I do believe it will."
She laughs and says, "It will? Are you shitting me?"
He responds, "I shit you knot."
So when asked, I can say, “I only drink occasionally”.
Except maybe once in a Blue Moon
Idk if this fits this sub, but I'm planning a Halloween costume and just need a punny name for it.
I'm going to wear timberland boots, camo cargo pants, an olive/brown/green/earth t-shirt, aviator sunglasses, and get a beer bandolier.
I need a solider/army/military + beer/alcohol/drinking pun to name the costume. Any suggestions?
