You’ll do a lot of dumb things in your youth, son, and that’s okay, because most of the consequences won’t follow you into adulthood. But you know what will always come back to haunt you?
A ghost boomerang
A guy asks his friend, "Do you know how many people have died because of these masks?"
The friend replied, " No buddy".
I’ve posted this before but you guys didn’t recognize the brilliance of it so I’m posting it again because fuck you that’s why
Friday was roasting saturday and sunday brutally yet they never occurred a word. Wednesday, being a harmonist, asked them why they stayed mum for which they replied, "because we are weakened in front of you guys".
I was dazed.
What happens when you don’t go to the dentist because you are too afraid of catching coronavirus?
You get Covidies
Did you hear about North Korea shutting down because of a Covid case?
It turns out Kim Jong is not the il-est.
I know a lot of you are sad because it’s a Monday.
But don’t forget, only 48 hours ago, it was a sadder day.
Because of you little peanut, I have this day.
Happy Father's Day!
If you ever get locked out of your house, talk to you lock calmly because
Communication is key
Did you hear about the ape that got bullied because of his low status?
He was a norankutang.
I don’t test drive cars because of the “you break it you bought it.” Policy.
I mean braking is the only way to stop the vehicle.
Did you hear about the cowboy who wanted to be a cheerleader but couldn't because of his uncontrollable gas?
He was the rootinest tootinest cowboy in the wild west
Did you hear that the singer Seal left a night club event because of the revellers sharing derogatory poems about him?
He was dissed by the prose at a rave.
Did you see they made round bails of hay illegal in Wisconsin? It’s because the cows weren’t getting a square meal.
We all know 6 was afraid of 7 because 7 ate 9, but do you know what happened after?
2, 4 and 6 ate 10 to get even.
Do you think Snoop will go to heaven when he dies? Of course, because all dawgs go to heaven.
My wife left me because of my obsession with crosswords. I guess you could say I'm...
1 _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Across
1 Severe and overwhelming shock or grief (10)
My theory as to why USA and Cuba had their dispute was because of oil. Evidence you say. I just found Fidels Castrol
Have you heard of the guy that bowled three hundred and one? No? Because I’ve never heard of anyone that bowled three hundred and lost.
I want tibia your Valentine because you are so acute! (thanks Museum of Science Boston!)
If you hate someone because of their race, you're a racist.
Does that mean if you hate someone because of their bike you're a bicyclist?
Are you afraid of bats? Because I saw a 3 and a half foot long one in real life!
It was at a baseball game.
What do you call a potato who’s a tyrant because of his small genitals?
A tiny dick-tator.
(I'm a new father, gearing up for future embarrassment)
